Succubus Essays

Succubus Essays

Summary

In the following I will post short essays, journal entries, and paragraphs on a variety of succubus topics. It is not complete. But as of 11/26/2021, I have not posted any new or substantive content in some months, so I figured, perhaps, that I might do so here. I will come back as Spirit moves me to add more, as time goes on.

I am more preoccupied with mundane matters than is usual for me, even when compared to my many years saddled with EMF consciousness. Special education paperwork and procedures in Hawaii are especially tedious and time consuming; and this whole faux virus epidemic digital ID global financial reset thing, the revolt against which is the defining challenge of our lifetime, has taken more of my energy to address and navigate a path through that retains my livelihood. Strictly "spiritual" considerations take a backseat in such a hostile environment where one's basic material and genetic survival is under threat.

In the short pieces that follow, I will flesh out various aspects of this internal battle that is approaching three years in length. I consider these entries supplementary in nature. My original posts, Descent of Shakti II, How to Survive Your Demonic Possession, Succubus Facts Behaviors and Intentions, and Spiritual Identification are still my best entries into this topic of the etheric marriage of man and woman.

The aphorism, "Women: You can't live with them, you can't live without them" is almost true, except for that curious and exceptionally rare case of the fully enlightened man who has been blessed by the subtly empowered female, voluntarily placing custody for her spirit within his very body. This, and only this, resolves this ancient dilemma of the sexes. As with most other insights at this blog, I apologize for my having to report on this matter from the disastrous hellscape side of the equation. But as they say, "I have done my best!"

Wishing all who read this material the greatest of luck on their quest for spiritual and physiologic fulfillment.

Mother Shakti Goddess Transmission Observations - Succubus Essays, November 26, 2021

Why Must I Fast To Demonstrate My Purity And Worthiness Of Redempton?

2021.11.26. Friday, 5:42am. Weight 207.0. Day 38 no drugs for sleep.

There was light intermittent control last night as I slept, but mostly in the form of some heart racing when I got up to use the bathroom. Now, an hour after waking, there is a small tap to the right medulla. S has been attacking me mildly this morning, with some mild pressure and pain in my heart, but it is much less than usual. I slept well and awoke much more refreshed than I typically do. I believe S spent the night with her boyfriend for the first time in several months. She is a romantic, and yesterday, being a religious holiday, with families coming together for feasting, would be an excellent time to show everyone that she is betrothed to someone, and is not the recluse she is hell bent on the destruction of a man 2400 miles away and 40 years her senior into whom she placed her soul, without his permission, nearly three years ago.

In my ongoing lazy, weak, and distracted effort to evict this girl from my being, several guiding ideas have been consistent. One is that this whole thing is a mistake. The girl should never have entered me, as she must have intuited that I was not ready for her, and that her presence would be exceptionally problematic. Given my lack of preparation for this momentous union, she -- whether wittingly or not -- usurped God's place within me. I had no choice but to kick her out, lest my own soul become enslaved to hers. Though I needed -- and continue to need -- spiritual assistance, I had good reason to deny the Holy Spirit that night following my expulsion of her astral body, given the as yet unresolved issue of EMF exposure and my home and workplace's nearby cellular towers. In retrospect, the "price" for my evicting her, and compromising her own spiritual path, was to transcend my own limited consciousness and become the heart-centered God Man that I had held in abeyance for the preceding 25 years. In God's eyes, if I failed to demonstrating the bravery and submission needed to do that -- that very night -- well, there would be some serious karmic blowback. Not knowing the consequences or meaning of all of this, I said "No" to God that night because I didn't want to risk a life impairing sensitity to EMF that I felt for sure would follow a dramatic increase in force of consiousness flowing through my being, especially if I didn't have access to any kind of functioning EMF reducing strategy at my home.

Another reason for my lackluster effort is that I continue to believe that God should offer me more help in evicting her than He has. I stubbornly wait for God's aid, even as I am weakened and bludgeoned etherically by her constant attacks. I hope, too, that somehow my delaying and stalling confronting this girl on the etheric level will become intolerable to her, that her need for physical, sexual and social validation will become so great that she will leave her astral identity implanted in me, marooned, isolated, unattended, a spiritual still birth, if you will, like ripe fruit ready to drop from the tree; and that the mild blessing of the Holy Spirit that continues to envelop and inhabit me, and that grows incrementally each day, requiring this girl's constant attention and attack to hold at bay, will achieve sufficient force to evict her without all the hullaballoo of excessive fasting and prayer. In other words, the test of fasting, et cetera, is, in my view, not an appropriate remedy for my situation. I deserve, and should be granted, sufficient aid to expel this girl, without necessarily having to expose myself to the excessive EMF consciousness that is likely to attend heart centered consciousness, unless and until I have access to a safe environment to risk that.

All the succubus' heart control is, ultimately, aimed at my death. She is allowed to rack me with explosions in amrit nadi, that cause a breakdown in my circulatory system. The heart is, of course, the portal between the physical and etheric structures -- and to the ultimate infinite Om / God / Divine that transcends and gives rise to all that is. Anyway, it is the heart muscle, and the aspirant's connection to the divine, that the succubus is empowered to destroy. Unless the whole thing is a mistake and God grants the aspirant forgiveness. Or such is my hope. It seems that every few weeks this girl applies herself with a special ferocity to kill me. It does annoy me that God allows her to create such horrific off beats, missed beats, and excessively strong beats that are so ruinous to me. When God entered me on the evening of Thanksgiving 2019, and took this girl to task, showing her how properly to control her subjugated partner, there was minimal etheric disturbance. No dilation of my veins; only the smallest amount of negative vibration coursing through my body. Yes, my spirit was imprisoned, but it was light duty -- a low security incarceration, like the place where white collar criminals go to serve their sentence. It was not "hard time." Yet, for these past nearly three years, this girl has been allowed to brutalize me interminably. The only transgression that God seemed willing to step in again and unilaterally remove her for were her ongoing and numerous attacks on my brain directly, preventing me from sleeping, etc. After two years of suffering, He finally let her know that He would remove her from me if she persisted. She hasn't bothered me much there, in terms of preventing sleep, since. She got the message.

So it was that for several days in the last week, I think in anticipation of her Thanksgiving reunion with her boyfriend, that she caused intense etheric pressure at both scapulas with an intention to weaken my heart. She caused associated shocks to the heart muscle and lower down my frontal line near my groin on the left side, that also sought a short circuiting of energy to the heart. It might have been four days straight of intense concentration on her part, and yet here I am still, alive, thank God. The force she was able to bring to bear was less than 20% that of what Kundalini did in July 2020 when I came within a hair's breadth of evicting her on day eight of a water fast (create anchor link to paragraph) I get weak kneed even thinking about it, as the test was as much of me as her. I thought I risked a heart attack, so I laid down, and the moment passed, not to be seen again in a year and a half.

Another matter related to my reluctance to fast and beg for my release is that, on some deep level, I recognize that I am already God. I should be one with God already. In fact, I am one with God already. Maybe not fully, consciously, but enough. Also, I like to eat. Food is part of God's creation. Why should I abstain from eating to earn a privilege and a consciousness that is already mine? So I eat because, why shouldn't I? Why must I profess my innocence and purity? I never touched the girl. Maybe I misled her, but I didn't do so knowingly. She had sex with, and earned her spiritual release through, another man. I had nothing to do with that, and I should bear no karmic responsibility. It is she who touched me on the etheric level. I didn't really understand what was going on. But you know, it is foolhardy to argue with God; but here I am doing so. This girl is super conscientious in following God's rules, when it comes to engendering false hunger pangs up and down my esophagus and in the surrounding tissue that envelops my stomach. Prior to her presence in me, I never had hunger pangs of these sorts. True hunger would occur only at the very etheric center of my stomach. And these pangs of material want would not coincide with or follow numerous other painful and manipulative sensations throughout my body. But God's rules are God's rules, right? Sometime I will fast again, but at the moment, I feel no desperate urge to, even if it is my only viable avenue of invoking a Holy Spirit reckoning. But I am reminded every day of the importance of fasting, of being hyper controlling of what I allow into my body, when the succubus causes these eruptions of hunger in the middle of the night, or right after a meal, and especially the first couple of hours each morning. The succubus knows precisely what God's rules are, and she seeks to use them to her advantage at every opportunity. It is obvious that she believes that she must keep me stuffed with food, at all times, and in so doing keep me bound to her.

Also, I drag my feet because, for good or ill, this whole situation is a miracle. Yes, I kicked her out. But it wasn't because I hated her. Although, because she chose to sleep with another man, perhaps I should have. I had no ability to have a conversation with her. It would have been professional suicide to do so. I felt the need to give her the benefit of doubt because I am not a girl of her type, and I have no idea what makes her tic or what drove her to this other guy. Maybe she had no choice. Given my inability to ground her etherically from afar (which she attempted to do and my solar plexus was not activated sufficiently to support this), maybe she had to have sex at age 14. So yes, I kicked her out, said No to God's offer of assistance to ground my consciousness in my heart, and was then plagued with an inverted consciousness running roughshod through my innermost being. That is all true. But it is still a miracle. And God is God, right? Rather than serving God's death sentence, could I/we be granted some kind of forgiveness, an act of compassion from our Heavenly Father, to make this all right again? I wonder sometimes whether all my suffering and this girl's once in a lifetime etheric connection to another man, will somehow soften her. Maybe she could love me again and forgive my rejection of her. Maybe if she could do that, it might trigger God's intervention to create something beautiful of this, as opposed to her daily hating of me and seeking my destruction. Given that her attempts to kill me persist, and were in evidence as recently as three days ago, I am likely delusional to hope for this; and my failure to step up to the plate and fast and pray like my life depended on it, which it does, indicates that I am just a weak coward with poor judgment. This whole subtle shitshow is justice for a failed spiritual aspirant whose cowardice has destroyed not just himself, but the soul of another human being. But given how rare our bonding is, is there nothing at all that God can do to make this right, aside from purging what remains of this girl within me? It just seems so meanspirited, aggressive, and conclusive. That is why sometimes when reflecting on this inner contest and dilemma, my imagination pans to scenes of lions in Africa battling to the death for a carcasse or ownership of the pride. God's rules are a serious business. Misplaced sentimentalism will get you killed.

Lastly, I don't fight because I am afraid I will fail. I gave it nearly my best shot in July 2020. I fasted 14 days through a real tempest of succubus fury, and I had a tremendous Holy Spirit intervention. But it was not enough. I give myself a 95% for my efforts, but God required a 97% (i.e., an "A+") on His Test. I continue to find my failure to sunder this girl's etheric entanglement with me demoralizing. The bar for evicting this wounded soul is set exceptionally high. I look at pictures of myself from a few years ago and compare them to now. I am aging rapidly. About two weeks ago my heart reacted in a defensive manner against the deeply burrowed etheric anchor within it, that is getting stronger and more entrenched, and the effects of my own body's defenses were negligible and easily overrun by her. I contrast this to an identical episode in April of 2020, or 20 months ago, where the same reaction of my heart muscle resulted in a very painful three days of tension between my scapula and heart muscle that came very close to dislodging her. To see the weakness of this latest attempt at self defense is extremely dispiriting. My body's health and resilience appear to be flatlining. Then there was a five day fast I engaged six months ago in July, during which a Kundalini etheric immune system response rose up in me, but was steamrolled by this tenacious and fierce girl's brutal offbeats and rapid beats of my heart that went on for several hours. So yes, I am beginning to doubt that I will ever break free. I could have broken free in July of 2019, right there under her nose in the California desert, under the full weight of her etheric force, but I was afraid to jump in with God and drive her out with His tidal wave vortex of righteous anger that involved my entire torso. I backed away from the opportunity and chose to try it again from what I viewed as the safer (i.e., more distant) location of Hawaii. So I was on a plane back to Hawaii two days later, but the opportunity had passed. God's interventions have been an extraordinary test of my faith. God can leave you dangling for months with little or no help, but on a moment's notice you need to be able to trust that what God is doing is both safe and possible, and give Him your one hundred twenty percent dedication, in order to gain the freedom you desire. I guess that on the whole, in God's view, I have been exceptionally ignorant, stubborn, and faithless on my path. I blame it all on manmade EMF, but that excuse has gotten old after 27 years.

Men Are Custodians For Women's Souls (2021.12.)

Men are custodians for women's souls. This is a sobering truth. Men must be phenomenally powerful and caring to pull this off. They must become selfless vessels of the Holy Spirit. In order to merge with a woman's soul, they must first have given up their own limited identity to merge with the Holy Spirit, Mother Shakti, Maha Kundalini, the Divine, or whatever word or concept defines the Ultimate for you. Only a nearly perfect servant of God is worthy of bearing and merging with a woman's soul.

In these pages I have used interchangeably "astral body" and "soul." Both, for me, refer to that etheric dimension of the human being that connects to the Holy Spirit, or that Divine Agency that gives rise to Creation. It is the active, transcendental principle that forms the basis of all spiritual knowledge and sensation. I believe in the Yogic or Asian terminology, it is called "chi" or "prana." So it is that the astral body is an etheric extension of the human being, and in the case of advanced people, especially certain empowered women, it is a field of energy, perhaps in the shape of her physical form, that is under her control. This field or extension represents a slight stepping down from amrit nadi or prana in an absolute sense, because it is tied to her and there necessarily exists a thin film or energetic barrier separating this extension or "subtle identity" and the transcendent presence that informs her.

Tech Giant Gatekeepers Block True Knowledge Of The Astral Body And The Capacity For Two Hearts, Literally, To Beat As One

As of November 2021, my pages on this topic rank #1 in most search engines for the pairing of the concepts "succubus" and "kundalini." However, if I substitute "astral body" for "succubus," my pages are not found, not even in the top 50 returns. It wasn't until 2019 that the words "astral body" and "succubus" were present at my website at all -- content that had been up in various forms for almost 20 years. After a year of ranking high for all three terms, regardless of order or pairing, about six months ago the algorithm changed markedly. My site was purged for any search that included the term "astral body." In the past year my site was downgraded due to its anti-COVID injection stance. So there's that. But something else was afoot. Some kind of by-hand, as opposed to automated, curation had occurred, flagging my site for de-listing for all searches related to "astral body." I thought that this was exceptionally curious. What is so dangerous or "misleading" about my pages that discuss astral bodies? Given the utter crap that informs much of the Internet commentary on this subject, surely there was room for another misinformed point of view. But no, in my opinion it was not that. Was there a real life succubus employed by Google? Or did Google have access to a knowledge base that confirmed my own painfully drawn conclusions? I believe there is a good chance of that.

It is the truth of the matter -- this postive, Holy-Spirit-sanctioned merging of souls -- i.e., literally "two hearts beating as one" -- that my posts point to, that presents so much challenge to the ignorant, mechanistic, atomized status quo. The Godless establishment would have us believe that women don't need men, that women are stronger than men, that men have no responsibility to the women they have sex with, and that the sex act itself has no spiritual dimension. These are all Satanic inversions of the truth. A woman's spiritual search is not complete until her soul has found safe harbor in the physical body of a man who abides in heart-centered consciousness. Yes, this is a truly miraculous event, with less than a one in a billion chance of happening, but it represents the very pinnacle of human social and spiritual aspiration. It is therefore that the Godless creatures inhabiting Silicon Valley -- or wherever the tech giant, information gate keepers call home -- must prevent the masses from understanding the depth of the lie that has been sold to them with the world's drift away from religion and into communism these past 100+ years.

Women Are God's Mirror To Men (Preschool Edition) (2021.12.)

I could write a novel about this. I've observed so much in my 56 years. I did drop out of a doctoral program in sociology at Princeton University. I am a keen observer of social phenomena. Maybe I can make some illuminating connections.

I taught preschool for nine years many years ago when I last taught in Hawaii. Well, with the succubus driving me here again, despite Hawaii's low pay and lack of support, I find myself back with preschool again. I will share some observations of two young girls in my class, ages four and five, and how I relate their behavior to this indwelling -- now 17 year old -- female spirit that has wrapped herself up entirely in my interior life.

Let's take the four year old first. Let's call her "AS." At recess, AS attaches herself to one of several boys in my class. It varies daily among three boys. Wherever they go, she goes. If he is on the swing, she will be on the swing next to him. If there is no open swing next to him, she will stand there observing him. If I push him, then her, on the swing, and if he stops, she will immediately stop, even if I have just pushed her again, and follow him to the next location in the playground. She does this without thought. It appears to me to be an instinctive behavioral, emotional patterning. If he goes up the slide or across the monkey bars, she will follow in an identical manner. She is a literal shadow and, in a big sense, life partner for her chosen boy. From a higher vantage point, AS is God's gift to her chosen man, a partner to share life with and, when the time comes, procreate with.

Then there is the five year old who I will call "NJ." She is exceptionally physical, a loaner, and a dominant force in my class. She is fast, agile, and confident. Not that she doesn't tease, dominate and "flirt" with the younger boys, but she has eyed me, her teacher, as the class alpha and has engaged in numerous behaviors in which I find the seeds of the spiritual entanglement I find well-developed within me.

Whatever I do in class, she wants to be a part of it. If I am opening boxes, she wants to open them for me. If I am cleaning a table, she wants to do it. If I am looking for a student's COVID mask, or need help taking another kid by the hand, she is there to do that for me. She will ask to use the bathroom at recess, which is not a scheduled time, because she wants me to escort her. She asks for me to push her on the swing several times per day, though she is quite able to do so herself. Sometimes she will stop swinging because she doesn't see me. But her behavior in these regards is not predictable or dependent. It comes across as spontaneous and shared. There are many other things that she has done, that point to what I believe she perceives to be the need to establish physical parity, even dominance, of the alpha male in her midst. You could call them proto-sexual in nature. I don't believe she has been violated, and I pray that continues, but I believe she has observed considerable violence and dysfunction, though her mother has done her best to protect her from whatever she can, though being a victim herself on many occasion. Though just five years old, she seems to have internalized the need to land a male, regardless of what that entails, as the best means of ensuring her physical and emotional survival. The physical contest between us goes on daily. Hanging off my arm with her full weight. Jumping on my back when she can. Grabbing my leg during a silly song. Or when I am preparing to walk about campus using the preschool "rope" with individual hand loops, she will use the full force of her weight in the opposite direction to make me fall towards her. With her, it's an existential need; and at the very least she is sharpening skills that will be used later on in life to have a successful relationship with the opposite sex. For my part, I have sized her up a few times, observing how small she is compared to me, and what a ridiculous idea it would be to claim her as a mate. But I don't angrily shut down all her physical demonstrations. I have told her mom that her daughter is a bit of a "flirt," and that Mom should make sure her daughter is with people Mom trusts. We didn't get into details; I just left it at that.

With the boys, NJ is a communication wrecking crew. If a boy is leaning over, she might sit on his back. If a boy gets up without my permission at circle time, NJ might take his seat. If she is walking behind a boy as we travel about campus, she might play with his hair or kick or shove him from behind. Some of my boys are easily triggered, so these behaviors of NJ incite them to no end. My boys on the spectrum find it necessary, finally, to communicate, driven to do so by NJ's conduct. She has a domesticating, humanizing influence, helping them deal with the stresses and strains of sharing their lives with other people. The boys seek her out to play with during centers time in the classroom. They genuinely like her. She means to tease and distract them, but not to hurt them. Usually. If she is too rough or obnoxious, I call her on it. As the teacher of the class, I am in charge, right? People uniformly express how communicative and happy my students are. We are a dynamic group with real individuals unafraid to express themselves. With NJ's help, we continue to move in that direction.

Above Their Pay Grade (2021.12.)

I've had two healers work on me in the past year. They invoked Jesus, various arch angels, and the Heavenly Father. They laid their hands on me. They placed their attention on me in various ways. They guided me through visualizations. They asked me lots of questions.

Neither one of them identified me as experiencing a spiritual crisis, much less being invaded by a malevolent spirit. I did confess to an unspecified "anxiety," but I didn't give them any more information than that, and they could neither confirm nor assist me with it.

I believe they missed my illness because at all the lower levels I am fine. My illness lies precisely at the etheric level and within amrit nadi. Unless the healers are conscious on those levels, they will miss what plagues me. Should I be proud of this? Well, yes and no. Regardless, I would benefit from more broad expertise to be found in these matters in the people around me, especially those in the field of self-help.

The closest confirmation I have had, apart from the obvious (to me) inflammation of my circulatory system, is a test of my autonomic nervous system I had at the Environmental Health Center at Dallas in July 2019 that, if I recall correctly, identified a slight cardiac arrhythmia.

There might be a few advanced Kundalini practitioners on the planet that could help me, but separating the wheat from the chaff, and getting through the various rungs of their organizations could take several lifetimes and money that I don't have. I tried to get help of this nature back in 1994 and 1995, but to no avail. In any event, I continue to find few if any spiritual types on the planet who have had the unusual responses I have to anesthetics, manmade EMF, and now, the invasive commandeering of my nervous system by another soul. My belief at this time is that if such healers have not had similar experiences, then they are not ready or advanced enough to help me.

May what I share here in these pages be of benefit to you; and may God help us all.

The Right Big Toe: A Fulcrum Point (2021.12.26.)

I have an earlier post on this from 2018. One of my first experiences with the right big toe was after living six months inside a galvanized steel RF enclosure. My whole body was repulsed by the thing, yet stubbornly I kept on sleeping and writing within it. I had borrowed $50K from my mother to install it in the living room of her house (bless her heart! thank God for moms!). It was the culmination of years of research and aspiration to achieve a longterm fix for my EMF sensitivity. Though it was effective in blocking EMF, something about being surrounded by metal, or blocking beneficial EMF, caused a sense of deadening and pain in all my glands. So it was that one evening a few hours after I had gone to sleep, I awoke with tremendous pain in my right big toe. This went on for a few days. It was obviously intentional in nature as I had not stubbed it. My best determination at the time was that, due to the unresolvable stress that my placing myself inside a metal RF enclosure posed to my body and its etheric connectivity, that Kundalini's only possible response was the severe reduction of life force, or flow of prana into my body, with the choke point or valve for this flow being located at the right big toe. I didn't note any improvement of my tolerance of being housed in this metal box. My ability to think, exercise, and simply "be" continued to wane within its confines. But Kundalini is God's divinely inspired intelligence in action. She would not have dropped a hammer on my toe if doing so were not important. Three years later, I have even more reason to believe that the right big toe is central to the energetic flow in a human body.

It is December 26, 2021 as I write this. Earlier this month, S (the first initial of this girl's name) waged a two week campaign to stifle the etheric energy flow in my body through tremendous attacks on my right big toe and surrounding tissue, as well as repeated painful shocks to the underside of my right heel. It was so bad a couple of nights that I couldn't sleep without drugs -- but that was due to her following up several hours of foot attacks with tension brought to my medulla area and/or attacks of anxiety sent to my solar plexus. My foot winced in pain every time I moved it, and walking was a misery. Several times the attacks coincided with attacks on my right temporal lobe (in an attempt to cause a stroke) or wholesale shocks to the heart muscle to cause cardiac arrest. I have had taps to my sinoatrial node for the first time, as well as other negative "firsts." But I am still here, so there is hope I will make it to the other side of this contest.

These are pics of my feet one week into this. Do they look like the feet of a healthy spiritual aspirant? Or are they those of an old man with literally "one foot in the grave?" Note the inflammation of the right foot in the first two pics. This is one of the more obvious signs of etheric malfunction within me that I have had to date.

Etheric trauma resulting in inflammation to right foot: 1) At home, Sunday, December 5, 2021; 2) After work in my classroom, Monday, December 6, 2021; 3) Friday morning at home, December 11, 2021, with inflammation much reduced after Kundalini took back control of right big toe four nights earlier on Monday night.

Since this time the attacks have been off and on. God did come in and take control the night after the second pic was taken to protect my right big toe to a large extent, painfully taking over the nerve running along the underside of the toe. This made the succubus' attacks from above glance off my foot to a great extent. Still, my foot is wounded, and remains comparatively numb and lifeless as a result of this contest. The longer the succubus goes without harsh attacks on the foot, normal feelings are returning. I pray that healthy physiologic functioning continues to make a comeback within me.

Access To God And Inner Peace Not Inviolable (2022.1.1.)

When I was a teenager I would dance in my room, thinking to myself that I performed for some higher power. When I was animated and interacting with other people, I felt that I was acting on behalf of an agency greater than me. It was a feeling I had -- a confidence, an intuition -- that we were to be lifted to this higher or greater context that was watching us and informed our existence. It was like that Attention or Source was a magnet for my consciousness, drawing me up and into Itself. But it was also my sense that it would take an extremely energized, healthy, self-confident, lucky, and you could say, blessed individual to be lifted up in the manner expected.

All this was confirmed when Kundalini awakened in me when I was 20 years old. I was special. I was chosen. I was connected to something greater than myself. It was my promise to this Agency that I was to serve the betterment and uplift of humanity.

Throughout this time, before and after "awakening," I also had a sense that my happiness -- my connection to something greater and transcendent -- was inviolable. It was a confidence that an effortless, "always on" connection to the Divine was there, alive in me. Maybe before awakening it was just an intuition that seemed to bubble up all the time. But after awakening it was a physiologic fact. Kundalini, the Holy Spirit, was moving about me constantly. I could feel it, even if my mind had not merged with it yet.

So it was that I had a corresponding confidence that this connection to God, this effortless arising of Spirit within me, was something that would always be there for me. Not that I would take it for granted, but I felt that it had been granted to me. I had earned it, or I had been blessed with it. I thought that it was a condition of knowing and peace that would always sustain my hope and faith that God is there for all of us, if we but listen and inquire deeply enough. I thought that nothing, ever, could come between me and God.

In retrospect, that confidence, or perhaps arrogance, was also a karma waiting to happen. I went from ages 29 to 54 delaying my submission to God, for reasons discussed elsewhere related to EMF hypersensitivity. So it was that my body was not fit for this divinely empowered girl to share, and I therefore evicted her, which God tolerated provided that I sacrificed my own self directly after this defensive act, which I failed to do, and so here I am, no longer accessing God. Kundalini never washes over me when I meditate. I no longer have access to inner renewal. My every act, feeling, and aspiration is sensed and blocked by this inverted spirit within me. She has been tasked to destroy me from the inside out. She is anchored in my very heart itself. The confidence and happiness that I once took for granted are no more. Not that pain and suffering are anything new to this world, but I for one never saw this coming.

I write this on New Year's Day 2022. The last few days have been the hardest I've had since relocating to Hawaii two years ago, in order to put 2400 miles between me and her. This distance has helped. It at least bought me time. But there seems to be a capacity to take my own native heart energy and use at least some of it against me. Over time she has amassed more force within me such that now she causes anxiety -- not as a negative breath blown into my solar plexus from outside me, but from within the interior of my physical form. While once she was mostly a subtle form moving here and there within my heart, now she is anchored into the flesh around my sinoatrial node, almost merged as one with my biological being, making her impacts even more deadly and difficult to root out. Lastly, just in the past few days she has made an all out attempt to break my solar plexus chakra, just as she did that poor boy after two days of no sleep and sex every hour with over 48 orgasms, as counted by the ripplings and stirrings of my brachial and solar plexuses that had been harpooned and dragged along by her to experience all this from afar. Now I have to do situps several times each hour just to break the etheric lesions she forms over my stomach muscles. The whole interior frontal line is under assault, with her taking greater control of my esophagus, stomach, throat, and brachial plexus. Just yesterday I was rapping my chest to stimulate my thymus, and she responded with intense pressures around the gland that resulted with her bursting forth into the gland and then emerging painfully at the top at my crown, following the course of that amrit nadi pranic super highway I've discussed elsewhere.

The feeling throughout all this is that I am becoming more a prisoner within my very own body. And that is the intent I think. I will be made to seek refuge in God by abandoning my own body. That would be suicide because my body is no longer my own, so I must kill it, thereby setting my spirit free. That is I think the calculus at work here. I do know that I am feeling increasingly hollowed out. My energies are being siphoned from me more and more. I am woefully unproductive, having accomplished little during this Christmas vacation of two weeks. I did fast 49 hours at one point, but she squashed that effort with more ease than I care to admit. Numerous times per day she attacks my esophagus, trying to force me to eat. I usually comply. I have to stop that because how I respond plays a critical role in whether or not God views this girl as worthy of this trophy of taking down a would be God man.

All this is to say that spiritual aspirants must always do good works, try to be faithful to God, and try to be an inspiration to the people of this world. If you don't, God will find a way to punish you. There is no escaping the consequences for doing wrong. Even someone blessed and annointed can be separated from God and find himself in darkness, persecuted till he gives up hope and considers suicide a viable option.

I do still have a problem with God not having sufficient respect for the interference and obstacle that manmade EMF awareness entails. But that is more an issue for God and me to work out. I hope that such sensitivities do not plague you on your own path, if you are successful in awakening Spirit. But I guess the issue of our ubiquitous exposure to cellular towers and Wi-Fi is still a burden that I need to bear, and not God. It is incumbent upon me, as a living man, to rid our world of these dangerous technologies. It's not God's fault that they are here. That Evil and Ignorance hold sway is a commandment to me to act against it, to bring balance and harmony back to the world. But I have found that I have limits to what I can accomplish. Whether that is due to a lack of faith rather than a tangible barrier, I do not know.

May God help us all.

Peace and namaste.

Like A Glove (2022.2.6.)

I flew to Hawaii from California in July 2019 for the second time that year. The plan was to meditate and beg for spiritual release from the clutches of this etherically empowered -- and now implanted -- girl. A few days earlier God had showed me the way to eject her from my being through a convulsion of righteous anger in my torso. I pulled back from God's offer, fearful that it would trigger an equal and opposite response from the girl. I was afraid that she could cause a heart attack in me directly if I tried to escape, especially right under her nose like this, so close to her physical form. So I thought that I would beg God to intervene again, but from a location where the girl -- based on my experience in May -- had a 75% reduction in etheric capacity within and upon me, on account of the 2600 miles that would then separate us.

As I sat in my Hawaii hotel room during that week I was able to earn two more offers of release from God. But they were harder, much harder than before. I think it was the second offer that was the most traumatizing. There was a sound of blades slicing through the air, rhythmically. It was like eight scythes arranged in a circle, all spinning at once, with the circle itself also rotating quickly. This phenomenon was at the center of my brain. The task set before me was for "me" to step through those blades and into that circle to earn my salvation. But my mind locked and my body sweated. It was terrifying. This went on for a good two hours.

The anxiety in my mind was off the charts. It was intolerable. There was no way that I could step through those blades. Since 1985 I had always had the Holy Spirit at my back, nudging me along in this process. With this Descent of Kundalini or Grace business, that I had intuited as the next step since 1994, every move on my path had been one prompted and facilitated by Holy Spirit. But this was different. I was terrifyingly alone. I had to do this by myself. There was no force supporting me. It was me -- my mind -- naked and alone. And sadly, it was not something that I was built for or had any interest in pursuing. If that is what my path required, then I simply did not want any part of it. I had always wanted to be suffused by love, with an eruption of truth and vitality that rose up and through my body. Having to become an Olympian of the mind, like a yogi steeped in fifty years of ascetic, internal inquiry, was something that I was not prepared for. God was to take me by the hand and pull me through all of my trials -- or I would have nothing to do with His offer of a "spiritual path."

But the rules had changed for me. I believe that such is the alteration of a man's spiritual course that occurs when a broken female spirit -- whose wound you had a hand in -- takes root in you.

Back to the hotel room. My mind was racked in contortions and fits of anxiety. These were the most profound waves of existential anxiety that I had ever experienced. The tension they produced in me was off the charts. It was truly unbearable.

But here is the point of this entry. Something unprecedented happened. Several of these waves fell into my chest. They were absorbed, embraced, and extinguished in their entirety. The nerves and tissue of my brachial plexus were like a velvet glove, fully empowered to receive the existential tension of my mind. Whatever other functions an awakened heart chakra serves, one of them for sure is to absorb and ground all stress arising from an alienated, isolated mind. All tension the mind produces is on account of its not knowing where its home is. A mind that is separated from the heart and body is a mind that is not grounded. It was my first experience that pointed directly to the chest being the ground and home to a mind that had found peace.

Of course this was just a taste: God showing me a hint of what was on offer if I but did what was needed to be done. But I did not have the guts or determination to submit to the mental test before me. "I" would rather have my body die first than to undergo this surgical removal of my limited self-identify.

And so here I remain, two and a half years later, isolated from Holy Spirit, preyed upon at all hours of the day by this tortured subtle identity that wants me to join her in, what I presume to be, Hell. I can only pray that another opportunity for release will be made available to me, and that I will seize upon it and emerge victorious.

May God help us all!

PS. When you ask for God to intervene in your life, as I did in 1985, you get what you get. I signed up for all of this. I pigheadedly refused God's support in early 2019 because I was concerned with the complications that could arise with an EMF consciousness that I could not moderate. If you experience an initial descent of Shakti that awakens the body to EMF consciousness, make sure you have your EMF shielded room available to protect you. Make sure you have a source of income that can withstand severe limits on where you are able to work. Then, if a girl like I found enters your life, as she will be as drawn to you as opposite poles on a magnet are drawn to each other, you will be able to accept her without the destruction and heartache that accompanied my own unfortunate pairing. Namaste.

A Journal Entry: More Trouble In The Heart

2022.2.17. Thursday, 9:40am. Weight 206.9. Day 23 no pills. Major concerns at the heart chakra the last few days. Two days ago, I awoke in the morning with an unprecedented soreness and weakness across my entire brachial plexus. Anywhere I touched along my ribs was sore, most especially in the few inches in all directions extending from my sternum and thymus gland. I have never before had a sensation like this, like a holistic failure of nerve and gland complex. After a few hours after waking the weakness passed.

There has been a growing buildup of negative etheric energy within the heart muscle. It was about two weeks ago that I felt several long tiny sharp painful tendrils of energy spike through my heart's walls, from a source point within the heart muscle. That point is the nickel-sized area, now perhaps larger, that I've described from the beginning as the locus of this girl's subtle or projected identity. It can move or anchor within me as she sees fit. There have been a couple of nights this past week where I will awaken and shift my body, and sense a broader soreness within the walls of my heart. This soreness might be two inches across and lie within the heart muscle itself. It is clear to me that this etheric wound is delving deeper into my physical being, taking a greater toll on my physiologic functioning.

About two weeks ago I laid down on the grass under some trees during my lunchbreak and was concerned to discover that I had brachial plexus taps: one upon the sinoatrial node itself, which may have been a first. The tap was small but distinct. But after I stretched, shook my body and focused on it some, it dissipated. The other tap was several inches along the base of my rib cage at the front of my body, on either side of the xyphoid process. I pressed this area with my hands, shook my torso, and contracted my muscles with some sit-ups to release it.

Two nights ago, in the middle of the night, I observed my heart muscle contractions to be weak and "flabby." By flabby I mean not strong and coordinated as one coherent muscle, but rather flapping around like the sail of a ship that has been torn by storms, with different sections rent and flapping in an uncoordinated manner.

Then yesterday as I embarked upon my hike at 5:20pm I felt again the soreness and pain in my whole rib cage. I pressed upon the bottom of the rib cage, which sent a ripple of mild pain through the rest of my brachial plexus. I continued to press and hold different bones on either side of the xyphoid process. Over a period of five or ten minutes the pain and sensitivity lifted. Still, however, I was tired on the hike. I had been drained by this and other lesions upon my being. But I pushed through the 75 minute steep hill hike to its conclusion, though taking longer than usual.

I wish also to note that a strange heat and redness erupted over my face at 12:45pm at school and again on the hike yesterday. This kind of redness normally is associated with Kundalini moving about me. For my part, when I looked at myself in the mirror at 12:45pm, I seemed healthy. I looked good. There was no strain across my face. But I didn't feel any etheric lift of a good sort anywhere else. Yes, I was bogged down from the succubus' shenanigans, but I was able to carry out my duties well enough. Given the escalating negative etheric tension overall, I can't say exactly what was happening.

The worst yet may have been last night. I awoke for the first time, three hours after going to sleep, at midnight, to find my heart beat extremely abnormal. It appeared to have stopped. My mind sensed danger. I quickly alerted, which sent a controlling or countermanding energy down into my heart to get it going again. As I shifted my body, I felt a lesion choking my sinoatrial node. It was about two inches across. This was the biggest lesion that I had sensed ever, by far, over my sinoatrial node. It quickly lost hold and evaporated. Then my heart began to beat erratically. It appeared that the succubus had tried to strangle my heart's ablility to beat. She wanted it to stop, and with it all that that entailed. A small fear entered my mind, though I was able to return to sleep thirty minutes later. A moderate heart control persisted for the rest of the night.

My right big toe was attacked last night more than anything I have felt in the past month or so. It was likely part of an effort to effect a holistic weakening of my being, thereby making the succubus' attack on my heart more successful.

Also, two nights ago, I had taps at both the base and the top of my spine that impeded energy flow. It wasn't until the morning that I realized this was happening. I contracted my buttocks as best I could, and then shook it side to side vigorously, and still it remained. It finally faded after two or three attempts to release it. At the top of the spine all I was really aware of was tension at both medullas that, though they hadn't impeded my sleep, presented a blockage to my ability to think. It makes things very trying, and sometimes I am slow to realize a tap or block is there.

My concern at this time is that this negative force within me appears to be growing. I don't know how this happens, whether it is an accrual of her own etheric energy sent from afar, or a repurposing my native subtle energy to attack itself -- sort of a spiritual autoimmune disorder -- or some combination of the two. I would like to fly around the world and put some distance between me and her, if only to buy some time. But I don't have the resources or Vaccine Passport status to accomplish this. Actually, yes, I do have $100K to tap into right now, but then I'd be selling my future to do so, spending the money I need for a downpayment on a house, as well as placing my future employability in danger, in addition to there being no guarantee that I will be any nearer to ridding my being of this thing that I have the capacity to exorcise right where I am if I but marshalled the willpower to do so.

Today the succubus and I are both skipping school. This girl because she spent all night terrorizing me, and till about noon today, or the past six hours, has hung like a lead weight of unwanted stimulation on my testicles; and me so that I can/could do some special education paperwork, of which I have not accomplished anything on account of being so preoccupied and distracted this morning. But as of 12:10pm this afternoon, it finally appears to be lightening up a bit. Praise God.

At 11:20am this morning I had to stop everything and do a set of 60 situps to dispel a massive lesion in my solar plexus. It has not returned, praise God.

Maybe I will get some work done finally. But shortly I will be leaving to pick up kale and papaya from a local farm, and head over to the nearest health food store, as Thursdays are their day for delivery by boat of apples from California that take two weeks to get here. I like to buy them before they have been picked over too much. And I will pick up some local tangerines there that are the best I've had in my 56 years of life.

Please God, protect my heart tonight! Do not let this demoness be the end of me! Amen!

Note at 5:00pm. My hope during the past two years has been that this girl would become distracted in her life, thus losing some of the time and energy needed in order to maintain her capture of me. But it seems that she knows at a deep level that she cannot move on with her life while her spirit is embedded in me. Like the creature that erupts from its host's innards in the movie, "The Alien," she really must kill me in order bring closure spiritually for herself. But I still maintain to God that this is all a mistake. That I have never once not served Him in this process. I maintain that either she and I must be made whole somehow; or I must be afforded the assistance I need to expel her. God's bar set for such assistance is astronomically high and I have not met it. Still, I cling to my path, not fasting, not begging for anything in particular. "Just let me live, God. Please protect my heart and this physical vehicle, God." For the most part, that is all I ask for. I still do not believe it is too much to ask. Part of me feels, I have done my best. If I die, I die. I have worked very hard to get where I am. God needs to do more. Maybe that is an arrogant point of view, but it's my sentiment at this time.

2022.2.20. 6:11am. Sunday update.

Friday morning, two days ago, I had persistent taps to my medulla area on both sides of my spine. It made it very difficult to think. During the night the taps pulsed occasionally, like some vampiric lesion, sucking sustaining, healing subtle energy out of me. Trying to get some paperwork done for school prior to heading off to work, I became frustrated, so I leaned over a bit and shook my head pretty hard, applying tension to my neck and medulla. Moments after doing this, an intense crook or spasm in my neck emerged, at the spine, in the area behind the thyroid, or slightly above it. While it took some time to take full effect, the taps at my medulla dropped, as well as the incursions of energy into my head. There had been several times prior to this that I shifted my body or head, causing increased muscular tension in my chest, causing me to perceive a distinct, thick wad of energy coming out of the heart muscle and latching onto the mostly left or sometimes right cerebral hemispheres. It wound its way up through my neck and into my head. Clear as day, this girl had commandeered significant energy from the heart to stymie my brain function.

In the past few weeks I had been taking more time off work just to get paperwork done. It was becoming a problem because special education paperwork is always a burden, but in Hawaii it is worse. I needed all of my faculties intact to survive professionally. It was bad enough that this girl was harming my heart, but it appeared that she was now delighted to spend her mornings focusing on impairing my brain and making sure I couldn't get my work done.

So it was that I cried a couple of times last week, begging God to preserve me and to honor my commitment to serve Him. At the very least, I asked for God to limit this girl's ability to harm my heart further or prevent my brain from functioning well. It was not a major cry. I felt some emotion and energy come to my face, and my eyes watered slightly. I don't think I shed a tear. But it was sincere.

Then, two days later I do my medulla kriya and I get blessed with a Kundalini block in my neck. Praise God.

Though it doesn't appear to be directly challenging the succubus' domain of authority in my heart muscle, the Kundalini block has reduced the force of the heart beats. The succubus, for example, did attempt to run through her series of harsh beats at 3am or so, but they were muted by 50% this morning. Also, the degree of control she was able to exert on my hike was also cut in half yesterday, allowing me to have my best time yet coming up the steep mountain trail, rather than, as is more typical, a significant drain on my energy occurring through excessively harsh and fast beats when I am engaged aerobically.

But there are some downsides to the assistance I am receiving. The pressure on my throat made swallowing food painful yesterday. Also, twisting my head or lifting my head from a horizontal position in bed also hurt. However, if this allows me to think freely, and protects my heart, I beg for God to continue this blessing.

Usually these K supports are temporary, lasting three days or so. But those usually are ones attacking the succubus' kernel of attention in my heart muscle. As this one is not attacking the heart directly, and could be considered a moderating influence aimed at protecting my brain and the physical integrity of my body, I am hopeful that God will make this a permanent, ongoing support for as long as I need it. I don't know if it is a healthy thing to have a permanent etheric tension in one's neck, but in my case I will gladly accept it as the price of survival.

I was thinking that a neck block would protect my head alone, but this has not been the case. Somehow, the force of her etheric barbs entering me from outside my body; the contractions she causes in my heart; as well as the tendrils of pain and other extensions into other parts of my body, all appear to have been reduced in force by fifty percent or so. As to how this happened, I am not sure. Maybe the support I was offered was more than a mere crook in the neck. Maybe my etheric body has been adjusted, or amrit nadi, or whatever portal that connects us, has been modified.

I was annoyed with God that I wasn't provided more support like this in an ongoing basis early on. I -- and this body -- serve Him. That I am plagued with a succubus lodged in my heart is no fault of mine. It's just one gigantic New World Order spiritual clusterfuck. I am hopeful that more modifications and supports are in store that allow for the both of us to live out at least normal lives.

This morning S was able to place a small tap to my right medulla, but it passed. At 3am this morning I felt her energy exploring the tension around the spinal tissue where the block resides. I hope she didn't learn anything helpful. There have been some small shocks to my heart and extensions of pain around the thymus gland, but that is pretty much it. If I am lucky, this act of God will make her more frustrated and she will head off for the day, maybe finding some sexual satisfaction in the neighboring boy that she conquered nearly three years ago.

I pray to God that my physical vehicle is maintained sufficiently such that at a time when I am ready, I will have another opportunity to fast for two weeks, and win permanent release from her. May God preserve me in such a holding pattern, For without God's help, I am toast. Amen.

2022.2.20. 7:30pm. The block in my neck has lost strength over the course of the day. The Kundalini sound in my ears is strong, though there has been weak breathing by S in the left ear off and on. For four to five hours this morning the succubus caused minor shocks in my heart, heart control, small barbs of energy in the back and front of my torso, and small taps to my right medulla area, and higher by an inch or two on the right side, perhaps the rear of my cerebral hemisphere, which I shook out when I could. On the hike this evening, even when I was vigorously going uphill, she was able to effect a small tap to my right medulla. She is quite focused on it. Bringing down my cognitive functioning is really what she is about at this time. It seems that God has given her a wider berth to disrupt my mind than I think is acceptable. But it is what it is. I coughed in the car on the way back to my house and the unexpected muscular contraction on my part caused her to tighten her grip over my sino-atrial node. It felt like a one inch or so mild etheric hold over the area that startled when I coughed. She is definitely clinging to it. No wonder I feel so tired these days. My leg veins this afternoon looked as bad as ever. I don't think God is granting me an unlimited amount of time to mount a defense. I wish my life were more conducive to fasting and accumulating pranic energy. Full on demonic fascism has taken root in our public schools, especially in Hawaii. It's all about unthinking compliance and, of course, obstructing the intake of fresh air.

2022.2.26. Saturday, 6:24am. Weight 205.0 Day 4 no Trazodone pill for sleep. Ongoing mild tension in esophagus seeking to have me eat. At school I've gone a few days of waiting till 11:15am or later to have my first meal, which has helped. I took a pill Monday night, or five days ago, when S ramped up feelings of anxiety around my solar plexus, from the inside out, using the added energy she has amassed within my body, causing an intractable tension in my brain preventing sleep. I didn't want to wait it out, or go toe to toe with this till 1:00 am or later. I wanted to sleep. So I threw in the towel and took a pill at 10:00pm, which appeared to disrupt her functioning within me sufficiently for the tension in my body to break and allow me to sleep.

I was concerned that the pill would weaken the K block in my neck, but it didn't. Praise God. My mood was flat Tuesday and Wednesday, with nearly no K sound audible to me. But I ate lightly and tackled two big special education meetings I had scheduled on Thursday. My being focused and continuing to do my hill walks in the early evening all week helped me gather inner momentum, such that Thursday and Friday I was feeling more fit and capable than usual. K sound resumed moderately by Thursday and continues today. It's been louder, so there is some dampening of its force that I attribute to a latent succubus draw, or possibly the K block itself. I don't know.

The texture of the Kundalini block has changed. It is not a sharp block behind and above the thyroid at the spine, but has shifted to a broader and more diffuse block just below the neck, slightly above the intersection of the scapulas. It is more comfortable, and seems to have the effect of dampening the succubus' incursions into my brain. While I can't say that my mind's functioning is soaring, I am at least capable of handling my professional duties, which are significant, and I feel mildly happy and unencumbered. I am several notches below my cognitive and etheric functioning pre-succubus; but at least I don't appear to be sinking further at this time.

In terms of other aspects of this etheric battle going on, I do feel a negative, mildly painful pulse of energy throughout my heart a few times a day. She seems more rooted in there than ever. But I haven't felt nearly as much of the constant heart racing, attacks on the solar plexus, and everything else she had been up to. This K block in my upper spine seems to be like a referee ensuring that this girl play by the rules. The trauma in terms of harsh beats on the aerobic portions of the hike are reduced by 70% in force. Sometimes they appear nonexistent. It's almost as if she has been given license to go have sex or forget me in some way. I am not sure where her attention is the bulk of the day. But by 8:00 or 9:00pm, I feel her exerting a moderate control beat of my heart, causing waves of unconsciousness to flow about in me, anxious for me to go to sleep so that she can rule the roost undisturbed by my conscious mind for several hours.

Maybe she is still single. Maybe she has to delay mating and committing herself to another man until our unfortunate pairing is resolved. If that day comes, I hope it is not at the expense of my own life. Please continue to help me God! I cannot do any of this without your active and ongoing blessing! Amen!

2022.2.27. Sunday, 9am. Weight 207.4. Day 5. Pall of stifling etheric energy over me this morning that made it next to impossible to think. It lifted after a couple of hours and my deciding to eat. I had planned to breakfast at noon, but caved and ate at 6am or so. Doing the H walk instead of W the last few days on account of W's road closure. I prefer the super steep and aerobically challenging W because I sweat like a hog, it is closer to my home, and the walk itself takes less time. Plus, I am not walking past residences as I do with H.

Starting out the hike at 5pm I was beset with a serious etheric asphyxiation that made me want to go slow and actually just give up the walk. This persisted for 30 minutes or so. It took an exceptional effort to push through it. The pall or drag lifted 60-70% and I felt better and walking grew easier. After 51 minutes the hike flattens and then descends again at 1:05.

This embedded etheric toxin within me tries greatly to limit my every function. Death in all directions is the aim. Death to thought. Death to aspiration. Death to physical activity.

Strangely, on the hike there was very little overt manipulation of heart beat. The focus was the pall, and I think some kind of drain via amrit nadi. I feel this girl's expanding sphere of antagonistic energy within my heart muscle. It was an inch or two in diameter. I felt it pushing up against the interior walls of my heart as I hiked. I think the intention is to overwhelm my very heart, and kill me by its presence somehow.

It is my great hope and prayer that my heart is the stronger of the two and that I win this subtle contest that is so destructive of my being. I prayed to God on the hike for ongoing support and eventual victory.

2022.3.1. Tuesday, 6:43am. 205.3. Day 7 no pills. I am concerned about the increased negative presence within my heart and body. She is operating within me in a more firm and difficult to detach from way. On my hike two days ago I pressed down on my brachial plexus, kneading my fingers through my ribs around my sternum, and a flash of pain shot across my nerves there, like I had loosened or disturbed an etheric hold she had established. I had never felt her there like that. Also, off and on during the night I will feel her presence pressuring against the interior walls of my heart. She is definitely en route to cardiac arrest, which would shore up the account between us, apparently. Even at school, and certainly when home and under her scrutiny, I feel like I am walking about in a daze, not connected to what I am doing, unable to think clearly. It appears to me that the level of control and division that she is causing within me is reaching new depths. It scares me. It is nearly impossible apparently for me to fast these days. And this past month I have taken FIVE days off for work-related paperwork, which points to a decline in my cognitive capacity. I am not well and I need help. God please forgive me and lend assistance at this time. Amen.

2022.3.2. Wednesday, 6:07am. Weight 206.3. Day 8 no pills. Obnoxious stimulation to left testicle yesterday for 4-6 hours yesterday. Things lightened up when she got out of school. So during school time all she does is focus on me? There was also tension in my lower back on the right and left sides. Not sure if that was S or K. I did an hour interview with M and a team of beleaguered yes people yesterday. I don't want to be under her management. Nor do I want to work as a resource teacher for mod-severe kids placed in gen ed most of the day, where I am supposed to be collaborating with these teachers all the time. I want to be running my own show. But I don't want to be under that tower at my current school (x) either. I have a nice place to live and good walking areas here, along with excellent farm and restaurant options. I was not able to transfer to a PreK position as my credential doesn't support that. California closed the door on early childhood added authorization. I'd have to go through a whole teacher training again. Not up for that. I woke up after 7.5 hours feeling more refreshed than usual. Apart from some strong control that I disrupted at 11pm or so, S was not actively attacking me all night long. She got some sleep. Maybe she did have sex yesterday. Who knows. A lot of breathing in my left ear on my 1:20 walk on a nearby road from 5:45pm till 7:05pm yesterday. Lord help me.

As with last week, Monday and Tuesday S put a kabosh on K sound, with 90%+ success even in the right ear. But last week and this, by Wednesday, K had returned to both ears at moderate and consistent strength. Major battle going on. She needs undisturbed weekend time to really put the screws to me. I hope she gets involved with another man. Her senior year is running out. Better secure her mate.

2022.3.4. Friday, 6:07am. 205.8. Day 10 no pills. Moderate heart control till 4:45am this morning, so she was deep in the throes of my etheric control just before the bus for her. Much weak breathing in left ear during the night. I woke up tired, even with 8 hours of sleep. I can feel the difference between when she is sucking directly out of my heart all night and when she isn't.

Yesterday morning, at about 4am, there was a negative discharge of energy slightly above the xyphoid process, near the heart. It was a negative etheric energy bomb. It was mild, but it seemed to permeate my entire being, making me feel "off" for much of the day. It didn't happen today, praise God. It seems that this girl is slowly commandeering my heart in order to discharge a potent life reversal force within my very own being. The center for the burst was WITHIN me, under my chest, near my heart. It set my being on edge for several hours. There was an off putting tension that made it difficult to concentrate or be.

Last night my whole being felt a tension rise and then I had a spontaneous kriya where my spinal column grew taut and my head and neck leaned over as I directed vibrations into my chest and heart. The problem: The force of this action was probably but 1/20th the strength I was able to bring to bear back in the summer of 2019. It was laughable. Will a sustained fast resurrect this strength within me? I do not know. I pray to God that yes, I will be offered sufficient strength to expel this demoness. But I have zero certainty that this will be the case. Please God do not abandon me.

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Criminal Aerosol Spray Operations - AKA "Chemtrails"

Cultural Criticism

Electrical Sensitivity, Human Health, And Environmental Illness

Electrical Sensitivity - Personal Symptoms And Reflections

Financial

Healthful Diet And Lifestyle, Environmental Toxins, And Multiple Chemical Sensitivities

Heart Chakra Opening - Signs And Symptoms

Kundalini Awakening - Spiritual Signs And Symptoms

Kundalini Awakening - Spiritual Signs And Symptoms - Additional Posts

Kundalini Awakening - Spiritual Signs And Symptoms - EMF Complications - More