Succubus Facts, Behaviors, and Intentions

Definitions

Please click here for definitions of the following terms: astral projection, astral body, succubus, and Kundalini.

Succubus Intentions: The succubus' intention is the holistic destruction of her mate. The succubus' every act is directed toward the spiritual, intellectual, emotional, physical, and sexual ruination of the unfortunate man who she has claimed.

Succubus Facts: Succubi are real. They are etheric projections from vengeful women seeking harm on the men in their lives. Unlike normal subtle projections, the succubus is able to implant herself in a semi-permanent fashion within the very heart of the target male. This implantation is the basis by which many adverse physical and psychological reactions arise in the afflicted man.

Succubus Behaviors: Succubus behaviors -- or specifically, the impacts related to the succubus' allocation of negative subtle energy -- range from sexual stimulation to increased heart rate to preventing sleep, as well as many others too numerous to mention. The succubus can cause an erection directly. A succubus can cause pain in the heart as well as irregular heart beats. She can cause excess tension in the cerebellum so that sleep becomes impossible without drugs. If you are a spiritual aspirant, blessed with the descent of the Holy Spirit into your body, the succubus can deaden (temporarily) all those areas of the body and mind that had previously been in communion with God. Lastly, if you are Kundalini awakened, and are blessed with an energetic circuit connecting your sexual region to your mind, and from the mind down into the chest and abdomen, the prolonged presence of the succubus causes the reversal of this spiritually regenerative, transmutive, liberating cycle of energy. Under the succubus' influence, energy from the mind is pulled backwards, down the spine to the sexual region where all the energy there is released through the solar plexus on its way out to feed the ravenous hunger of the originating woman. Little to nothing is transmuted and released via the brachial plexus or heart chakra, as is the intention with whole body enlightenment and heart centered consciousness. All succubus behaviors are fixed on death and the inverse of God's Commandments and Grace.

Summary

As of June 2020 I have three pages, including this one, dedicated to an analysis of succubus behaviors (1 and 2).

Mother Shakti Goddess Transmission Observations - June 4, 2020

Still images from "Ben," a B-movie cult horror phenomenon that made a strong impression on me in 1972 when I was 7 years old. I compare being consumed by rats, as happened repeatedly in "Ben," with being occupied by a succubus in the entry below. Ben (1972) (*) official trailer.

Rats In The House

I am writing this on Christmas day, December 25, 2019. I had a dream last night. The cement foundation of a house had been breached. Hundreds of black rats began scurrying up the interior walls and running across the floors of the house. I was on the inside trying to shut the sliding glass doors, but rats kept on spilling in.

The metaphor is apt. I have been invaded, and I cannot stop the leakage into my being of this foreign, hostile energy. My heart, thymus, and base of the skull are all tapped. Any beneficial accumulation of energy is being siphoned off to support this unwanted presence and the subtle energetic needs of the body of the girl from which this invasion originates.

I am on vacation in Hawaii for the third time this year, seeking whatever etheric refuge that I may. This time I am at a condo for two weeks in Kailua-Kona. I have bills and debts that I would do well to pay down with this cash outlay, but my need for subtle respite trumps these mundane concerns. I've been swimming and hiking every day. Though I have been able to sleep without drugs, and the intensity of my daily and nightly attacks have diminished, my body's subtle energy centers are strangely depleted. I have bags under my eyes most of the time. My body's normal ebb and flow of energy is altered. The drain that is exerted upon me is constant. There is a tap at the base of the right side of the cerebellum that is particularly vexing, with my intention to write being undermined and exhausted almost before I begin.

In the past, most everything I did led to a concentration and overflow of energy. I was in a near-constant state of happiness as everything I did -- write, walk, sleep, eat, et cetera -- focused my internal energies in a manner that was, literally, a glory to God. Everything I did was done, as much as possible, with a focus upon the divinization of this world. After five hours of writing, for example, my body would have an uncontainable craving for exercise.

But not now. Everything is dreary and effortful. I have entered a state wholly alien to me. A phrase that comes to mind is "dark night of the soul" (*). The "dark night" is a period where the spiritual aspirant feels abandoned by God. If the aspirant is lucky, it is merely a test of his or her dedication. If the aspirant is successful, a conclusion to the spiritual quest will be resolved in a profound experience of God's Grace. Whether such a happy ending is in store for me, I have no idea. My fate rests entirely in God's hands.

I began my vacation with long crying spells, entreaties to God to help me, and so forth. My thyroid, thymus and heart muscle registered much more feeling than usual. I was trying to elicit God's attention. Though I had failed Him in many ways, I wanted God to know that I still sought His Grace and Redemption. I was and continue to be devastated by the invasion and takeover of my innermost being first, by a wholly overpowering "astral body," and after I had rejected that, its opposite or "succubus" form, also considerably more powerful than me. Without God's help I don't stand a chance.

Unfortunately, using my best judgment, I rejected God as well. When support was offered, I was fearful that the energized, enlightened state that I believe the help required would put my career at risk. Now, it appears that God has given the succubus dominion over my body. God has determined that she has earned it or conversely, that I have lost it. It seems that my body belongs to the succubus and it is hers to play with and to ruin as she sees fit.

Seeing that I am not powerful enough to evict her, and that God is no longer aiding me to do so, I am down to just a few hopes at this time. One is that the source body of the succubus dies before I do. This is not likely given our 39-year age difference. The chances are that I will be long gone before she passes. I do hope she doesn't block my access to Amrit Nadi when I finally do leave -- if that is the most auspicious exit for a departing soul. I have a feeling that when the host of the succubus dies, the succubus can create roadblocks and otherwise divert the movement of your soul force as it departs. Another possibility is that God listens to my ongoing entreaties and comes up with a unique remedy that is beneficial to both the succubus and me. Maybe I could still find spiritual peace; and maybe the succubus can find the wholeness and positive disposition that were lost with my rejection of her astral body. I don't know what exactly this entails, but with God's help, anything is possible, is it not? Another potential outcome is that the succubus is so abusive of me that God steps in and diminishes her presence within me, or casts her out unilaterally. Lastly, there is a fourth path. I have no idea what this is or might be. I am open to anything that reduces my suffering and increases the likelihood of my completing my spiritual quest. Maybe the succubus grows weaker inside me. Maybe having children and a fuller family and work life (she is just 15 years old and has no real commitments at this time) will grant me more respite than I am able to obtain during her younger and less preoccupied years. Who knows? But I do have to be alive and keep my "head in the game" in order to benefit from any positive changes.

I do hope that the succubus goes easy on me upon my return to California. I doubt that she will, but I hope that she does. There is a real chance for heart attack. The week before leaving for Hawaii this time around, my sinoatrial node was under crushing etheric pressure. She was trying to snuff it out, for real. I ached down there. It hurt to move. This went on for days. And of course, it was exhausting. Also, the enormous backfiring heartbeat upheavals in my chest multiple times a day, and for hours at a time at night, can lead, I believe, to cardiac failure of some type. It is truly brutal and vicious. Flying 2000 miles away has reduced the etheric force at her disposal for these heart attacks by fifty to seventy-five percent. Though they remain uncomfortable, I have been able to sleep through them. This is not at all the case when I am just twenty miles away from her. When she is near, I often have to resort to Trazodone and other sleep aids, and even then they are not always helpful. When she so chooses, she can cause the rapid, heavy misfiring beats just as the Trazodone takes effect, rendering the drug useless as a sleep aid. Her interest in having me take the pills is mostly to reduce Kundalini's presence within me, which they do. My body hates the drugs. I have nausea and cold sweats many mornings as my body seeks to expel them from my system.

The distention of my veins is greatly reduced retreating to this distance. I am not having to conduct such a diabolical and overpowering etheric force in my circulatory system. The girl is still able to send clogging energy around my thymus gland. I cannot describe how depressed I become when this gland is suffocated like that. I feel hopeless, almost suicidal. I have no desire for anything. It's worse than the heart misfirings. At these times, if I have access to a private area, I shake my torso vigorously to weaken her grip on my chest. It usually works well enough to lighten my spirits a bit. Another fearsome thing I hope to avoid is the succubus' intense attacks on my solar plexus, as happened during the week leading up to this vacation. I felt "upside down" and completely weakened by what appeared to be an intent to dominate or destroy my power center. What happens if I should "break" in that area? Lastly, two days before departing, the succubus, having much greater etheric resources at her disposal when in close proximity, was able to enter my brain at night and cannibalize these areas. It is hard to describe, but I woke up one morning with nearly my entire brain in pain. While I had been able to sleep, every part of my brain not associated with sleep had been vandalized. The pain in these areas did not abate until a good six hours later while I was at work. The succubus is not capable of this kind of wreckage when I am 2000 miles away.

In sum, "no" to the proliferation of this rat-like infestation of my nervous system, and "yes" to the hope for better days to come.

Angry Inch (2020.5.30.)

"Hedwig And The Angry Inch." The succubus, being the charred remains of a rejected astral body, is like the "angry inch," the story of a botched sex change operation where a man is left with a tiny, impotent penis, and seeks to raise hell about it.

There is a saying that a man with a small penis is often angry. He may purchase large trucks and luxury vehicles to compensate for his inadequacy beneath the belt. Much of his behavior can be explained through the lens of shame and resentment related to a stunted sexual condition. Growing up, I recall my mother shouting "2.54!" or showing an inch space between her thumb and index finger to men who drove aggressively, cut her off or behaved impolitely on the road. "2.54" is the number of centimeters in an inch.

So it is that, on an etheric level, the succubus is the angry inch. It is the hostile, broken remnant of dreams that, short of divine intervention, will never come to pass. It is the painful reminder of your having been wronged -- or if not wronged, then at least attacked -- in the most savage, deep, and permanent way possible.

As I look back at these past fifteen brutal months, I wonder, "Will I be stuck with the succubus -- this angry inch -- forever, in her state of constant aggression and malignancy?" I don't think my circulatory system can take another five years of this. A couple of days ago, I felt a big push of etheric energy almost snap into place along my frontal line, from prostate to thyroid. It seems like the succubus has taken up a semi-permanent residence within me. Most nights I will awaken to a loud fake heartbeat sound in my left ear; an excessively strong, elevated rate, machine-like control of my heartbeat; and negative energy moving about intentionally, one at a time going to all my glands and heart muscle to deaden the spiritual conductivity in these areas. This internal struggle appears interminable. 

The Prayer

It is now June 4, 2020. Three days ago there were sustained attacks on my heart, expressed as an etheric pressure on the sinoatrial node mostly. My heart muscle winced with pain when I leaned over or twisted. There was a two to three hour period one afternoon that was the worst. The succubus increased the pace and force of my heart beat whenever I stood up or engaged a physical task. That night I prayed to God for assistance, visualizing white light expelling the succubus, and my consciousness descending into my brachial plexus. Yesterday and today occasionally I have had minor pangs in my heart, but rather than a large, strong negative tension inside the muscle, there is now a weak, small bleating from the muscle's exterior, near the sinoatrial node. It's the sensation of a nickel-sized self-conscious animated principle perched on the outside of the heart. It has been a long while since I last felt the succubus sitting precariously at this spot. It normally indicates a weakened state. This is the case at this time, and is reflected in how for two nights now, the false heart beat sound in my left ear and the control exerted over my heart pulse have been the most faint that they have been since God sought to expel her in early April. And now, with her hanging on to the outer edge of my heart, she is in a much less defensible position than she has been.

I've been talking a lot to God lately. On my hike, in bed, doing dishes. My prayers go like this:

"God, thank you for helping me to survive this ordeal to this point. I apologize for any role I played in my or this girl's situation. All I have wanted to do was to serve you, God. I cannot and will not allow any being to come between you and me. Thank you, God, for giving me the strength to make it to this point. Please continue to bless my heart, circulatory system, endocrine system, and mind and body with the vitality, courage, resilience, faith, and tenacity to not just endure, but to thrive amidst this girl's ongoing attempts at self ruination. If it is possible, God, for both this girl and me to be saved -- if it is possible for her presence within me to become benign and supportive of a spiritual path that leads to complete union with you -- please, through your Grace, God, please enable this to happen. If this is not possible, then please, God, weaken this girl's etheric connection to me. Please, God, as she wavers in her commitment and resolve to destroy me, may you make her pay a price with a decreased capacity to dominate my subtle being. May you, God, at a time of your choosing, assist me to expel her from my being. God, my body is paying a heavy price for her presence within me. My circulatory system is weakening. The veins in my legs have aged 20 years. The longer the succubus dwells within me, the shorter my lifespan, and the poorer a servant of you I will be. God, the sooner this succubus can be released from me, the better. God, please do not allow me to die while she persists inside me, giving her the ability to harm my spirit as it finds permanent release from the body. Please God, help me resolve this dilemma before then. This all has been a miracle, God. I thank You for all of it. All praise goes to You, God. Amen."

Fasting for Breakthrough and Deliverance by John Eckhardt (Amazon) (*)

Here are some excerpts from this powerful book:

EXCEPT BY PRAYER AND FASTING

This kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting. —MATTHEW 17:21

YOU’VE COMMANDED, REBUKED, prayed prayers, done warfare, and shouted, but there’s more that needs to be broken off your life. It’s time to add some fasting to your warfare strategy. There is no other way around some demonic strongholds. No shortcuts. You have to fast and humble yourself until that thing breaks and leaves your life. Demons are different in terms of their wickedness. There are demons that are stronger, more wicked, unclean, and stubborn, and higher in rank, ability, and intelligence...

Daniel fasted twenty-one days and saw a great breakthrough for his people (Dan. 9–10). Daniel was also a prophet, and God will use prophets to fast for different reasons to see breakthroughs. Jesus fasted forty days before beginning His ministry (Matt. 4:1–2). Moses and Elijah also fasted forty days (Exod. 34:28; Deut. 9:9, 18; 1 Kings 19:8)...

Matthew 6:17–18 says, “But you, when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, so that you will not appear to men to be fasting, but to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly.” God promises rewards to those who fast in secret...

Lord, let my fasting destroy the yokes that the enemy has set up against me. Let Your light come into my life through Your chosen fast. Let health and healing be released to me through Your chosen fast. Let me see breakthroughs of salvation and deliverance in my life through Your chosen fast. Let miracles be released in my life through Your chosen fast. Let Your power and authority be released in my life through Your chosen fast. I humble my soul through fasting; let Your favor exalt me. I drive every stubborn demon out of my life through Your chosen fast.

I fast to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo heavy burdens, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke (Isa. 58:6)...

Eckhardt, John. Fasting for Breakthrough and Deliverance. Charisma House. Kindle Edition.

Paul Bragg's "Miracle of Fasting" (Amazon) (*)

I did two 10 day water fasts when I was in middle school, and another in high school. Paul Bragg was my inspiration. Here are a few quotes from this great book:

A fast of 3 days or longer should be conducted under ideal conditions. You should be able to rest any time you feel the toxins passing out of your body. During this time you might feel some discomfort. You should rest and relax quietly until the toxins have passed out of your body. It’s best to be at peace and alone when possible...

During longer fasts don’t tell others you’re fasting. Why not? During a fast you must keep in mind only positive thoughts of the cleansing and the renewing miracles happening in your body. Often others are ignorant and uninformed about fasting and project negative thoughts...

Along with these childhood miseries, I was given large amounts of a drug known as “Calomel” – and this drug was filled with quicksilver (mercury)! A Swiss Doctor was My Human Angel. After I was restored to a good state of health at Dr. August Rollier’s Sanitarium in Leysen, Switzerland, I started my regular fasting program – which I am proud to say I have continued through all these wonderful years since then! I fasted one 24 hour period weekly and 4 times a year at 3 month intervals, I fasted from 7 to 10 days – always on a distilled water fast. After I had been on this fasting program for 5 years, it was during one of my 10 day fasts that a great miracle happened to me! I was at my family’s old homestead in Virginia. On about the seventh day of a 10 day fast, I was out in a canoe on the river leisurely enjoying the sunshine and fresh air when suddenly, without warning, I doubled up with stomach cramps. I thought I would never be able to stand the pain! With great effort I got ashore and then it happened. I had a terrific bowel evacuation! At the end of this evacuation, I felt a heavy, cool sensation in my rectum and out passed 1/3 cup of quicksilver (mercury) from the toxic Calomel that I took in my childhood...

Bragg, Paul C.. The Miracle of Fasting - Proven Throughout History . Health Science. Kindle Edition.

Extended Fasting To Expel Demons

June 10, 2020. In the last week or two the succubus has gained an unaccountable strength within me. Maybe it was my watching porn some since school has let out, masturbating three times while watching these debased representations of "love." Or maybe it was all the pasta, chocolate, and dead food I have been eating and gaining weight from. Or maybe since she is just 15 years old, and it is her summer vacation, too, she has decided to ramp up her dedication to undermine and kill me. In the inversed etheric world I am trapped in (hopefully only temporarily), the succubus has likely pledged to God that she wants nothing more in her life than to kill me. Her purity of intent may have granted her greater access to me, though I am at much greater physical distance from her than I once was. Whatever the case, the force of her heart control has grown significantly in the last two weeks. The beats are so forceful, strident, and fast, that when sustained I cannot sleep. The succubus no longer has to send disruptive energy to my cerebellum to prevent sleep. Heart beat abuse alone works now, just on its own.

In the past week she has placed a lot of attention on my solar plexus and the area at the bottom of my rib cage and just beneath the xyphoid process. I have to shake my torso numerous times daily to disrupt the negative tension in these areas. More than that, her etheric attacks have effected my digestive function. The energy needed to digest simply is not there. As a result, my stomach has become distended. For whatever reason, I've had a voracious appetite during this time, which also has negatively impacted my digestion.

In February 2019, God offered me tremendous assistance directly after I kicked this girl out of me. My mind and body were intended to become a conduit for Him. It couldn't have been easier: Just jump on that downward draft of energy into my chest and extinguish my "self." But I hadn't set up a satisfactory radiofrequency enclosure yet. I had just wasted $45K and seven months living inside an industrial grade metal enclosure that was the near ruin of me due to an interaction between me and the metal, or some other characteristic of the box that was anethema to my spriritual functioning. I was poised to treat my bedroom with $7K worth of (non-metal) graphite and carbon-based paint, special curtains, and special mesh (for vents and flooring) with the aid of some electrical and painting labor assistance. But that treatment, which could take months to complete, was still in front of me. I was in the middle of the school year and it was impossible to know when this fortification would be done, or that it would be the solution I was looking for. With a cell tower across the street, and my comfort level at the house already problematic, I did not want to chance entering a state of consciousness with my EMF sensitivity off the charts, unable to carry out my teaching duties, and perhaps being forced to live in my car in some remote desert area.

Had I known then what I know now, I might not have so confidently said "No" to God that fateful weekend.

I'll try to post the information when I have time to go back and look for it; but if you do an internet search for "succubus" you will find pages dedicated to how to get rid of them. I recall one page discussing prayer and fasting as two of several means to exorcise these creatures. The fasting idea came back to me recently, especially with my distended stomach and the succubus' attacks upon it. I completed several fasts between ages 13 and 17. It makes sense to me that I should throw a "Hail Mary" pass toward freedom -- which is what a prolonged distilled water fast represents to me at this time.

I had originally begun posting my diary entries for June 13 on, a few days into the fast. But I've decided to retrace my steps a bit for you to see the escalating succubus behavior and my mindset in the week or so leading up to my embarking on a nearly 14 day water fast.

2020.6.5. Friday, 6:37am. Day 26 no sleeping pills. Praise God. S was on a tear yesterday, breathing in my ear and controlling my heart dimly most of the day. There were several times when I leaned over and I felt heart pain. The succubus tried. I was able to stop the breathing the few times I shook my torso and then laid down with feet up for a while. Heart control persisted dimly most of the night. I stopped the heart beat sound with 25 minutes of feet propped up (and the associated kriya I do) at about midnight, but it returned later. By 5am there was mild soreness in my back behind my heart, but up to that point the etheric invasion throughout my body was minimal compared to past weeks and months. I do believe that the succubus' influence is weakening, but it is not in a straight line, and I must pray for continued weakening and distancing. Also, I did feel an attempt to lift energy out of my thymus and surrounding brachial plexus nerves at 5am, but looking at my eye sockets this morning, not much energy was taken. I did overdo it yesterday and masturbated again, for perhaps the third time in the week, and I chose not to hike and went to bed at 7:45pm or so. I scanned a couple of CDs. I had lots of dreams, including one where I was pushing Wendell, a boy I had in 1993 who I took to the Special Olympics in Honolulu. In the dream I pushed Wendell in his wheelchair up a steep mountain. We got to the top and looked around us. It's now 6:52am and the breathing is ongoing in my left ear. I pray that God reduces and releases her from me. I do not want her inside me. She has no business here. Praise God.

2020.6.6. Saturday. Day 27 no sleeping pills. I did not sleep at all last night. S had attacked me all day long the day before with sound in ear and a control of my heart that would not leave. Going into the night, the control of my heart was a machine-like drum beat that was obnoxiously pronounced and would not let up for practically the entire night. Whenever I would get close to sleep, a wad of anxiety would hit my frontal line. Sometimes the anxiety would be attended by negative energy/overstimulation sent to my cerebellum -- just to make sure I was in no position to sleep. It was horrific and I fought it all night long. When the succubus went to sleep, finally, which seemed like only for an hour from 6am to 7am my time, my body went into a series of minor, but still remarkable Kundalini-driven etheric repulsion exercises, lasting a good five minutes total, including vibrations in solar plexus (a first), brachial plexus, and brain. I tried to focus on the heart but got only a tiny response there. I did some serious shaking of my right foot to break up the succubus' block there only to find the veins in my right foot the most horribly disfigured that I had ever seen them. My circulatory system has aged 30 years in one night at that spot. (A day later my right foot looks better; but it is still not good.) I did not get a wink of sleep all night and spent Saturday in a daze. I did some laundry, but had headaches etc, with heart control persisting throughout the day. I resolved to go to bed at 5pm and take a pill early on before the succubus was in a position to push anxiety into me (normally a good hour or more into my attempting to sleep), which can interfere with Trazodone's ability to help me sleep. I don't think the succubus slept the whole night either, and she was able to continue to work me over during the day, leading me to be fearful that she could pull another all-nighter with me. I'd go mad or attempt to kill myself if this sleeplessness persists.

During the day I laid down several times with feet elevated, tapping my chest as I lay there to stimulate it, or laying hands on my chest to bring energy into it, and there was an intense heat and feeling in my thymus gland and surrounding tissue. It was the heat of fire or contest of wills, not the sublime feeling of love or even a "richness" of sensation, as I experienced so many years ago.

2020.6.7. Sunday, 10:11am. I took a pill yesterday at 5:30pm and was in bed for about 12 hours. I was laying on my bed just now with feet on wall, tapping my upper and lower chest rhythmically, and for the first time in 14 or more hours, there was pain in my right big toe, actually just before the knobby thick bone section that the toe is connected to. This is the succubus reducing life force through my body. When Kundalini does it, as happened in the metal radiofrequency (RF) enclosure for nearly two days straight, and before the succubus entered me, the pain was centered at the big toe itself. But the succubus has found a different breaking point. I had been shaking my right foot a lot, as this area is attacked a half dozen times a day. But after my all night bout with this etheric cunt, one of the very few sleepless nights I have had in my life, during which I shook my foot a lot, the veins in my right foot and lower leg had never looked this enlarged, with more spider veins than ever cropping up. So now I am going to try just to massage the area. Shaking is brutal on my physical body, in any event. I've been resorting to this "shaking" business for far too long.

11:50am. Yesterday afternoon I was very concerned with how piercing and painful the attacks on my thymus and center of my brain were. S is going after my brain in a big way right now. I awoke at 5am today to find that a large swath of brain matter was inflamed. It has not been this painful or lasting since I relocated to Hawaii. Is a demon aiding her? How has she amassed this much force from so great a distance? WTF. Every time I tried to think this morning, my brain was in pain. Basically, S is trying to make it impossible for me to use and enjoy the only chakra God has left in my control. Because the pain stayed for four hours straight, which is a sign of the succubus maintaining the block there, I just now shook my skull vigorously as I leaned over, and the pain has subsided. Praise Jesus. Here is what I am wondering. Is God leaving me to the dogs, to be devoured like this? I put up as strong a defense as I could yesterday, including, 4-5 consecutive Kundalini-driven etheric vibrations of my solar plexus, brachial plexus, and brain. I was hoping to elicit God's assistance. The rippling in my stomach and chest were similar to what God revved up in me last July, an opportunity for rescue that I bailed on due to fear (leaving for Hawaii two days later to resume the effort). I don't recall having my solar plexus rev like that on my own. It went on for 30s or so. It was darn respectable. But God is nowhere in sight. I have to be ready in case God shows up and holds the door open for a brief moment. I have to be ready to bolt through that opening with unquestioning faith.

12:40pm. Major tap at bottom of cerebellum. The succubus now completely dominates my heart. The succubus is after my brain. She is going very methodically, very slowly. This has been going on for the past week. I've never felt such a firm grip at the base of my cerebellum. I feel like she can kill me whenever she wants. She is just toying with me now. I am definitely not out of the kill zone, even though I am far away from California. Where is God? AWOL. The brain tap came back again and I shook it out once more. This was followed by pain to my pituitary area, presumably in response. The succubus cannot be satisfied. She is not pleased. I am at a loss. The succubus is totally devoted to me in the most inverted way possible. Her dedication to my demise is nearly complete. I don't have much hope at this point. The succubus can prevent sleep, even when I am on drugs. The succubus chose to leave me alone last night, knowing that I had taken the drug. She didn't have to do that. She could go for the kill at any time.

2020.6.8. Monday, 12:36pm. Took a pill for second night in a row. Went to bed at 9pm with the succubus carrying on with Amrit Nadi explosions in my chest for a solid two-three hours. No real letting up. I approached sleep a couple of times and the succubus attacked my frontal line with anxiety. Then the succubus started tension at the base of my head and deeper within the brain. I felt a growing tension in my brain such that I couldn't relax, even if I was able to feel calm otherwise. So I took a pill at 11pm. It hadn't taken effect at 11:45pm, but then I awoke at 12:45am and remembered that I had dreamt. I walked to the bathroom, but I wasn't dizzy from the pill. Dizziness didn't come about till nearly 2am. The succubus was dormant from perhaps midnight to 5am or so. This morning I awoke feeling better than expected. I've done some laying down with feet up and wrapping on chest, but I haven't gotten much Kundalini response. Trazodone diminishes conductivity. The succubus has been less effective with incursions into brain and chest today. Much more muted than yesterday, but then so am I. My hope is that even if I do this daily, it will not be forever, because the succubus will have to focus on me every day for the rest of my life to keep Kundalini at bay. Maybe that is the succubus' goal. Maybe her dedication to me is that complete. I hope not. It does appear that even if the succubus ignores me for a day or two, she can come back in and reclaim total control whenever she wants. This saddens me. My eye sockets are pretty dark. The heart drain is moderate and ongoing. Last night, even when the succubus wasn't active, my heart rate was elevated; it certainly was elevated during the explosions. There were times that my heart broke down and just fluttered rapidly 2-3 times per second, maybe faster.

The night of June 6 after I took the pill, there was no breathing in my left ear. The succubus can turn it on and turn it off as it suits her. She is completely in control of this negative manifestation. It is always her choice and intention as to whether to make things hard on me.

I have a long list of grievances with God. There have been only a handful of times He has offered truly liberating support; and of those, I'd say that only three were accessible to me. I am begging God to return and try again, please.

On the hike yesterday I said, "I am a failure, God. I failed you, God." I had a good strong cry that was brief, but deep. I felt energy press downward through me, with my tonsils highly activated, with an associated downward flow of energy on either side of the thymus. It didn't go down to my solar plexus, and it didn't involve my heart. I stopped, because it was a bit forced. But I don't want to be dead in the water -- an otherwise inert physical body for the succubus to claim as her own. I ask again, "When will God rescue me?"

2020.6.9. Tuesday, 7:39am. Day one no pill. I awoke yesterday feeling fairly unbothered and optimistic. A small shift had occurred, even if but temporary.

2020.6.10. Wednesday, 8:04am. Day 2 no pill. I slept like shit last night. I was up every 45 minutes. The succubus controlled my heart the entire time, breathing into my left ear from midnight on. I felt my whole being collapsing under the intense pressure of her focus. I felt pretty darn hopeless last night. I had the tiniest cry on the hike, just a flash of sadness, with the succubus immediately sending her negative ethers to clog and choke the thyroid gland. I continue to be upset that God has left me marooned like this. The succubus attacked my solar plexus and the area underneath the rib cage most all day yesterday as well as on the hike. The solar plexus has been her big focus the past two days. I am fearful that she can break me there.

8:20am. Big pain at base of right big toe. I am weak already. Why would the succubus do this? Last night, while in bed and feeling very weak, I felt a similar attack on my left big toe, though it was more mild. First time ever. My solar plexus was being savaged most of the day yesterday, including the upper area of my xyphoid process.

I looked at a page on how to rescue someone from demonic possession. Several remedies were listed, with prayer and fasting being one of them. I look back to Paul Bragg, in his book, "Miracle of Fasting," where he describes the exceptional capacity of water fasting to build what Bragg calls "nerve force." Something that I will always remember is how during one of Bragg's many water fasts, he had a bowel movement of pure mercury -- a toxic substance that had been stored in his body for decades on account of his mother having given him "quicksilver" as a childhood remedy. The body needs to be exceptionally vital in order to expel such potent toxins. Perhaps the succubus can be evicted in a manner similar to how Bragg's mercury was excreted. Yes, I most definitely need an etheric bowel movement of epic proportions.

10:35am. I was laying in bed, stretching and relaxing, when my whole body sprang to attention and the subtle vibration took over and I focused the rhythmic pulses toward my brachial plexus. It was stronger than usual, perhaps 10% of the energy needed to pry the succubus loose. Never had this happened before during the day. I kept it up over 30 seconds and I didn't feel sore in my cerebellum like I normally do. This is God telling me I am on the right path. I need to fast and rest until I have enough psychic energy to discharge her. Maybe I must go 28 days. I will go that long if it is necessary. That is my hope.

Here is what I know. Especially since the succubus owned me last Thanksgiving, with Kundalini stepping in to place some limits, like granting her my body but not my mind, I have gotten no additional support beyond that which is, for lack of a better word, "native" to me. Had my body possessed greater nerve force this past April, I believe I would have been able to pry her loose. Therefore, I must initiate a healing crisis. My body will reject her if it has sufficient nerve force to do it.

The time is now. On Monday the succubus began the most intense attack on my solar plexus that I have had in a long time. It had been going on for a week, but it has intensified. It continued yesterday and last night. On my hike yesterday I had to crunch my stomach and then shake my torso vigorously to dislodge her. I also had heart pain, and a feeling of her negative etheric energy covering a wider area of my heart than ever before. I was astounded. I am thousands of miles away from her, in what I thought would be a safe zone (at least safe from death), and somehow she is growing in strength. It would help to fly to Perth again, to disrupt her, but that drains vital financial resources that, given my profession, are so slow to accumulate. I need my precious metals for a home buy around here, not another temporary respite and $10K boondoggle down under. Also, two days ago, I had an unaccountable bloat in my stomach along with a voracious appetite. I ate and ate through yesterday and I had gained weight and my stomach was distended, and yet there she was continuing her attack. I do believe that her attacks have weakened my GI tract and digestive process for the first time ever. So a prolonged fast is long overdue at this point. I need to supercharge my bodymind with nerve force!

I felt extremely unsettled yesterday morning and throughout the day. There were periods of time when I did not feel a solar plexus attack, yet I had almost no energy to write, think, exercise or anything. I had long spells of laying with my feet elevated with various weak attempts to energize my torso. The best strategy was picturing small white blossoms shining light, all springing up across my chest and stomach. This did help, a little bit. I noticed a tiny subtle response and traction. But there was something else going on, like a deep dive into my mind. The succubus was onto something. I couldn't feel it, per se, but I sensed it. I felt very disoriented and drained at the same time. It was an unusual perception that I don't normally have. There was some kind of attack on my mind or my being. The breathing in my left ear, even when I shook, was muted, as if she was in there very deeply. I sensed that I was in dangerous territory. I still do.

12:55pm. Several attacks on my crown the last two hours. I want to use this fast to cleanse myself of this etheric parasite. I am tired of physical means, these muscular shakes and contractions. I have reached the end of the road with that strategy. I need a deeper -- far deeper -- purge.

Yesterday, as the succubus smothered my thyroid gland, it became clear to me that her very nature now is one of destruction. There can be no reconciliation, short of a miracle, and I cannot plan on that.

3pm. After 18 hours of fasting I broke down and had five bananas and a couple of spoonfuls of almond butter and honey. I am back on it again. I am reading a book on how fasting can help cast demons out of you. Praise God.

12:14am (Thursday). Went to bed at 7pm. Broke fast again at 9pm with two bananas and several spoonfuls of almond butter, butter, and honey. That stopped the energy train I was on. I was feeling like inner momentum was gathering. I drank well over a gallon of distilled water yesterday. I was dehydrated. It helped to clean me out. I must resume. Bad news: I awoke at 11:30pm to a loud succubus sound in my left ear along with a strong heart beat. It took 15 minutes of my being awake and laying in bed before the succubus reduced the force. More than that, there was pain in my prostate. My poor little prostate gland! Then the succubus brought her energy to begin accumulating at the xyphoid process / bottom of rib cage area. The negative, smothering energy was on auto pilot. This is her essence. She must keep me in a state of bondage. That is the succubus' disposition and duty. Sharing full enlightenment with me, if that was ever her goal in the beginning, was a shoot-the-moon lark. But now we are back to the main event here on Earth. There is no breaking free of this deadly connection short of a miraculous surge in my life force. My drinking all that water, maintaining a feeling of gratitude, and resting yesterday helped cleanse me. But I need to deepen that resolve and capacity 20-fold. There has never been a more critical time for me to access God's healing Grace to expel this blight than right now. Fasting is my ticket. I must be resolved to see this through -- the next forty days, if necessary. I believe my greater health today helped defend me against her. This defense must be deepened and expanded. There is pain in my solar plexus and frontal lobes right now. The fight is on. God help me. At 7pm there was also mild, sustained pain in my heart. The succubus is trying to take me over, completely. I need to build nerve force. Now. Praise God.

2020.6.11. Thursday, 7:59am. Day 3 no pill. I blew it yesterday. I was doing some super hydration, drinking a gallon+ of distilled water, and I felt lightness and healing come into me. The succubus was trying to mess with me some, but it didn't seem to hold the same traction that it normally does. Yet I caved in and had food at 3pm, or at 18 hours in, then again at 9pm (two bananas and several spoonfuls of almond butter, milk butter, and honey) and again at midnight (just an orange). This derailed the healing steamroller I was on. It couldn't have been more clear to me last night that what I have in me will be permanent until I have such an excess of nervous/etheric force that it is expelled from me. I must initiate a healing crisis or else I shall succumb to this, for lack of a better word, demon. It is truly an anti-Kundalini energy in me. It is horrific and relentless. This is the succubus' nature now. It is who she is. My neck and chest rashed up yesterday morning, as some healing began. I took some pictures of the redness that was clearly visible. My body views the succubus' presence in me as a hostile force, alien and unwanted. Yet there it is embedded in my heart. Again, last night, the succubus was trucking along in me, clearly asleep with strong heart beat control and fake heart beat sound in left ear, and mild pain in prostate with deadening energy moving up into my solar plexus and bottom of rib cage. Her job is to, daily, infest and deaden every avenue of spiritual recourse within me. Lord help me!

9:09am. I have telltale bags under my eyes. I am drained. I have an etheric infestation. That is clearly evident. The good thing is that I don't think God will let the succubus have a boyfriend and me at the same time. I will pull free if she starts having sex again. But she intends to kill me if she can. I do feel confident that if I fast long enough and pray fervently enough, I will be blessed with freedom. But I've always disliked fasting, even when I did a pair of 10-day water fasts in middle school. But I think I have to do it now. I question my resolve. It's only been nine hours since I last ate, and I want food. I will have to want my freedom even more. I think God has placed a potential in me to reject her successfully. But it will take an un-earthly resolve, something that I haven't shown in the past. I think that is why I have been shown these feeble anti-succubus etheric vibrations that are grossly unequal to the task. I must do everything I can to make them stronger. Right now, I plan on not fighting her, just relaxing into this, and fast. I wish to be able to fast 40 days, or 960 hours, if that is what it takes. I am only nine hours in. God help me!

2020.6.12. Friday, 6:12am. Day 4 no pills, praise God. Thirty hours now into water fast. The succubus attacked me most of the day yesterday, but the etheric jabs were minor and didn't stick like they normally do. Twice on my hike, when I was totally relaxed and well into the return downhill, S attacked my heart with as much etheric pressure as she could and caused pain down my left arm twice. I have no doubt it would have been worse in California. I think the Black Lives Matter protests going on right now have triggered a greater rage in her. There was a lot of heart control during the day. I laid out in the sun for 5-10 minutes twice, with rare full sun exposure in this cloudy area. I felt light on the hike, more energy than usual, joints feeling good. I do see more breakdown in my skin on my legs, with blotchy, prediabetic-looking areas. The succubus has to be removed. My right big toe's cuticle area is dark, not light, as the succubus attacks it frequently. It doesn't look oxygenated. Chest explosions from 7pm when I went to bed till 9pm when I think I fell asleep. At 11pm there was nothing, no active involvement in me, then, shortly after, a strong heart control resumed. I spent a good hour or two between 11pm and 5:30am contracting my chest and focusing on the heart as the succubus raged. I was able to get the sound in the left ear to go away, and the control beat was reduced in force by 85%. There are bags under my eyes this morning, but I am managing. The succubus tried to drain my feet at 7:30pm last night, especially the right foot, so I had to massage it to help reduce the etheric outflow. This is a life or death struggle for me. I have to break out. I don't know how, but I believe the fasting is my best bet at this time. I am not shaking in response to her anymore. I am massaging myself, and doing moderate contractions as needed. I am trying to build my etheric reservoir, which is super challenging with a succubus in the house. I'll be out, running errands all day. All praise goes to God.

4:50pm. Went to several stores today. I felt pretty out of it by the time I left my final destination. My energy had tanked. But I made it back. I had a strong urge to lay down at home just now. The succubus was controlling my heart in big way. I laid down with feet up, massaging stomach etc. Explosions in heart, bigger than usual. But after ten minutes the storm passed. My body responded well, absorbed the blows. Big rash on neck and upper chest. My body is slowly starting to turn it around. At 6pm will mark the 42 hour mark of my distilled water fast. Urine is beginning to look like stuff is being expelled; but the expected cleansing is still minor now. I know how intense this purification process can be. It remains my hope to evict this subtle contagion. Forty days may be necessary. I think God has provided this miracle to worthy aspirants. If I just persist and maintain course, God may come to my aid. Succubus, keep on harming me. You will be my reminder as to why I must continue to fast. I am moving in the right direction. Not a moment too soon. Praise God.

2020.6.13. Saturday, 1:04am. Heartbeat was uncomfortable at 60bpm at 11pm, with an associated obnoxious, mechanical, strident, control tone to the beat. I did several minutes of tightening in chest and back, with no effect. Now it is up to 72bpm. The succubus is trying to give me a heart attack. There is no doubt about it. Cardiac failure is her goal. How crazy is this?! I felt a positive energizing of my thyroid that either petered out or was smothered by her. Then, because I am now 48 hours into a water fast, my stomach kicked in with hunger, but it is also the "pulse" of my entire bodymind at a root vitality level. It is this impulse to eat, to hunger, that drives or at least is a great part of, the body's cleansing process during these fasts. The succubus' presence is an etheric impurity, and it will be driven out by this process if I am fortunate. The succubus knows this, or at least that anti-Kundalini etheric force that is awakened and under some aspect of her control knows this, and so within 30 seconds of the hunger pang erupting, the succubus sent a negative etheric block to the spinal column directly behind the stomach or solar plexus and the hunger pang faded. Fascinating. There was a flash of anxiety in me a few times in bed, including just now as I stand, and my heartbeat is now 102bpm and I am just standing here. S knows that time is not on her side if I continue this fast. But my heart adjusted some and the beats are more fluttering and less strident. I am hoping the light fluttering aspect that carries less force is a way to deflect her force. It is slowing some, but my heart is under strain. I am concerned. Getting out of bed to stand here at my desk did help direct some conscious energy away from her actions, but my heart hurts. I can't believe that she would seek this final resolution tonight. I am only two days in. BPM still 90+ at 1:22am. I am going to return to laying down. God help me.

9:14am. No pills days 5. Praise God. 57 hours into fast. Last night was epic. I had a dream for 15 minutes at about 3:30am, but from 11pm till 5:30am this morning I was kept up with extremely strong heartbeats that were elevated in pace. The succubus has been after me all morning controlling my heart viciously the past three hours, but not as bad as during the night. When her heart control faded, she went into filling my solar plexus with her energy such that my stomach became distended and felt heavy. Three times this morning I have laid down with feet propped up, contracting back muscles, tightening stomach, deep slow breathing. It was impossible to stop her last night. Living was victory. But this morning, I was able to reduce the heart control considerably and stop the sound in my ear. I am lightheaded. I may have had only 4 hours of sleep last night. I need to fast and pray. The succubus may have tried to fill the brachial plexus too. I think the Black Lives Matter protest has her riled into a death mode; but also, she must sense that I am trying to stir my body to a holistic resistance to her via this fast. My chest and neck are reddened from my rejection of her. I pray to God that I can sleep tonight. So many amrit nadi explosions in my chest last night, especially when I apply pressure to reduce her heart control. I am weakened right now. I might have to take a pill tonight. If that happens, I must maintain the fast.

12:38pm. The succubus has tried to fill my solar plexus multiple times today. She knows it's on. For the first time I directed light visualizations to her place in my heart. I was going to let my body and the fast do the work, but I was unable to calm her beats until I did these visualizations about an hour ago. I will have to engage this type of defensive action against her, and not just the calm, muscular tightening that I was doing with feet inverted. I am not certain that I have the edge that I had hoped for. She is certainly on an unbelievable tear and is taking no breaks today. God help me tonight. Twice she caused pain in my heart along the left rib cage on the outside area of the heart. Never felt pain from her there before. She is searching for any weakness she can. More jabs now into my solar plexus. I have to lay down again. Stomach is heavy and bloated despite my contracting against her.  

2:10pm. Another strong bout of heart beats. I laid down and breathed and focused on illuminating and clearing the area. After 10-15 minutes she stopped. Now she's attacking my testicles and thymus gland, but not messing with the heart, except that it has a permanent elevated rate because it must be linked to hers. Sixty BPM must be her sleeping pulse. God help me tonight.

2020.6.13. 5pm. Tonight will be pivotal. I am three days into the water fast. I haven't felt it help me much on an energetic level. I am going 40 days if I have to. Paul Bragg urinated pure mercury on his 21st day fasting. You need to store up a vast amount of as Bragg called it, "nerve force," in order to remove certain deeply embedded toxins. I do think there is an etheric cleansing that is possible. But the explosions in my chest, and the 60-100BPM that the succubus has been able to maintain are making it difficult to sleep. I only had four hours last night. If I croak tonight, I want to let people know that they should try the fast much earlier on in this contest with demons. Her grip is quite tight at this point. I may have had better luck last summer. I have developed the worst sustained burning sensation in my esophagus, just under the thymus gland. This is the heaviest impact zone for her "explosions" that detonate in my circulatory system just about there. I am afraid that finally, something could be rupturing. There is no pain, just aggravated burning. The burning sensation is extending up to the fleshy tissue under my jaw now. If I die, then I wanted to get this info out there: That this guy died trying to fight off a succubus lodged in his heart muscle, and three days of water fasting was not enough. If you meet a woman with extraordinary energetic capacities, such as astral projection, be very wary of crossing her. God help me. Amen.

2020.6.14. Sunday, 10:38am. 82 hours into fast. Took pill last night. Went to bed at 6:30pm, as a massive, strident, machine-like, hate-filled staccato heart beat made it impossible to sleep. My mind was beginning to knot up, meaning that even if the succubus went to sleep, it would be hard for me to relax enough to do the same. So at 9:30pm I took a pill. I awoke at 10:45pm and remembered a dream. I was able to go back to sleep and by 12:30am the control had diminished. It might have been absent from 12:30am - 2:30am, at which point it returned, but not as powerfully. I almost was unable to sleep to begin with, as when the pill began taking effect, the succubus sensed this and made the heartbeats even faster. I prayed to God, and though my body rocked with the vibrations from the abuse heaped upon my heart, I was able to sleep. Zero penis stimulation last couple of days. Injections of etheric energy into my head or chest don't stick as well as they used to. Without the Trazodone I may have gone insane by now. The fasting is ongoing. 82 hours now. Praise God. Amen.

A woman is not complete without a man. This is what I have learned from this astral body / succubus encounter. It is part of God's plan.

1:31pm. My breath is foul. My throat has been sore, especially near the tonsils. They are inflamed. I think the succubus attacked me there; but this inflammation is more likely a cleansing response. Not drinking water as profusely today as yesterday. With the succubus attacking my stomach, and with my stomach pangs, the extra water seemed to trigger excess stomach acid coming back up my throat, causing an uncomfortable burning.

2020.6.14. 7:33am.[combining two sets of notes] I've been up for two hours. For the last half an hour the succubus has mounted attacks on my stomach and esophagus. I want to vomit. The good news is that the intense burning I felt yesterday was not a physiologic breakdown presaging my death. The fascinating nugget here is that the succubus is intimidated by the energetic functioning of my gastrointestinal tract. It is these areas that are called upon, spiritually, in the course of a prolonged fast. The energy liberated by not having to digest food is redirected to internal house cleaning. Of course, the chemical toxins, heavy metals, and other poisons impossible to eliminate typically, and that are walled off in fat cells, joints, et cetera, are all excreted in the course of a fast. How deep the cleansing is depends on your overall vitality and how long you persist in fasting. But here is my hope and gamble, one that is attested to in some of the book excerpts above: spiritual renewal, and more broadly, an empowerment of "nerve force," are also possible through fasting. It is most definitely tapas or a spiritually-oriented austerity going on here. I am 79 hours into one now. What is 40 days in hours? 960? That is my target. I know that I will die much sooner than later if I allow this negative etheric presence to monkeyhammer my heart and circulatory system 20 hours per day. Enlarged, varicose, and spider-like veins are springing up all over my legs. There is no way this is a normal course of events for someone of my fitness level and age. Anyway, last night was brutal. I had slept just four hours the night before, on account of the strident beat of my heart, with negative etheric energy doing mischief near constantly in my brain, thymus, and elsewhere. In fact, it was two nights ago that, in the middle of a prolonged "hunger pang" from my stomach, that the succubus went to the vertabra directly behind it, made a painful etheric injection there, and my hunger pang stopped. It was quite unbelievable. It gave me hope that with a prolonged fast that my body's innate aspiration to life and freedom will overwhelm her stake in my body. But awaking this morning, feeling traumatized and drained from the night, I wondered whether the succubus might have more power than my body. What has greater authority, the physical body, or the (unwanted) spirit that dwells therein? This is not a philosophical question for me! Gven that rashes spring up in me and various other innate immune responses whenever she messes with my chest, it is clear that her spiritual anchor in me is alien, hostile, and subject to eviction under the right circumstances.

I did take a Trazodone last night. I went to bed at 6:30pm and struggled for three hours to sleep. The brutal, machine-like, staccato, hate-filled, excessively forceful and rapid beat of my heart made it impossible to sleep. Three hours in I threw in the towel. Some negative tension was developing in my cerebellum, and I knew that I would have difficulty calming down even if she ratcheted down her activity. I didn't know if the pill would work, as there have been times that the succubus has increased the intensity of her attacks as the drug kicked in, thereby preventing sleep. I was desperate, as I had slept so poorly the night before. "What if I can't sleep?" I inquired. I prayed to God and did my best to relax. The succubus did increase the heart rate, but luckily the intensity was diminished just enough so that, despite my body vibrating from the beats, I still drifted into dreamland. Praise God.

3:55pm. I laid down with my feet high up on the wall for the fifth time today. I do this whenever the succubus is gaining momentum in me: heart beat growing in pace and intensity, psychic noise in my left ear (a fake heart beat sound), etheric energy globbing on to me, et cetera. From this supine and inverted position I do contractions of my frontal line and back, bringing my hands together outstretched to tighten my brachial plexus. I also do breathing and visualization exercises. For the last couple of weeks my defenses have been less effective, but today they are working. Either it was the drug last night or it is energy liberated by fasting, or perhaps something else, but whatever the case, her jabs into me today have been more muted, as has the strength of heart control she exercises in me. She must be gearing up for the evening, when I am more vulnerable. I am hopeful that the heart control is not able to keep me awake tonight, as was the case in this more distant location some months ago when I first moved here. I don't like taking drugs, but I think the fasting is able to purge them from my system readily enough. My hope is that I start turning the table energetically on this subtle parasite that has taken root in my heart. My best measure of that is whether or not I am able to sleep. Eviction comes after that, if I am fortunate. I was thinking about this: God always presents avenues to move forward. The power to be free of the succubus lies within me. I may not need God's help, in terms of a phenomenal energetic boost, to be free. Of course, this is all God's "play" in the world. But within this situation, I believe there is a good chance that I can do this by myself. I think that is the task set before me. Forty days here I come.

5:19pm. The frontal line is preceded by the gastrointestinal tract. To reclaim and energize the gastrointestinal tract is to take control of the root or base code of the frontal line. Right now from my tonsils down to my stomach there is a pulse of hunger, of energy, of life. This may be cutting off the succubus' control of the thyroid down to prostate and testes. That is my intuition. That is my hope.

2020.6.15. Monday, 3:24pm. No pill last night. Four days 15 hours into fast. I went to bed at 7pm with a less rapid, less forceful, but still hate-filled and machine-like conrol of my heart beat. A little after 9pm I was able to fall asleep. I had several episodes of dreaming, but overall the duration and depth of my sleep were lacking. For example, I looked at the clock and it said 3:15am, and I awoke again and it was 3:45am with my recalling a dream. Normally my sleep lasts a good hour or so before I awaken. So I missed on duration. I think from 9pm to 11pm there was little heart interference, apart from the elevated heart rate that I think is hers, on account of her mere etheric presence, even if she is sleeping. But from 11pm on there were rapid heart beats, explosions, and that machine-like quality of beat that I can't stand all the way till I got out of bed at 5:30am.

I am 4 days 15 hours into my distilled water fast. I do feel that stengthening the cord of energy that connects from my tonsils down through my esophagus, stomach, intestines, and anus is key to my achieving liberation here. Twice this morning I had moderate hunger pangs, felt mainly in the stomach. After the second one, the succubus latched onto my stomach and then attacked a couple of areas along the throat and finally the tonsils area. It was negative energy that soon became a burning sensation. When she goes after the stomach it causes excess HCl to come up into my throat. I haven't had a hunger pang in the four hours since. I noticed some new enlarged veins pop up in my lower left leg. Something will break if this goes on indefinitely. The heartbeats were stronger today than yesterday. Still, I remain hopeful that the fast will result in a gradual diminishment of her control over me.

But as I have stated previously, there is a transcendental connection that is accessed when two souls intertwine like this. My guess is that the Hindu term, amrit nadi, best explains this, with the heart muscle generally, and the sinoatrial node in particular, being key to this connection; and it is this area that the succubus has burrowed into. What I mean is that I have doubts that fasting will have an effect on this connection, and as a consequence, her access to my heart. But I have no other means at my disposal; God, capital G, remains pretty much AWOL at this time, though the Kundalini ring tone continues in my ears, most strongly on the right. The force of this sound has diminished some during the fast. I will keep an eye on all of this, of course. I just hope that I can sleep more easily tonight, and with less trauma to my heart. I need my veins to stay the course with me. My life depends on it. The succubus has been very active this afternoon, with my having to invert my feet five different times and do all those kriyas that have come to me in order to calm the beats. I am hoping this is a sign of her fear of losing control, rather than confidence that my demise is at hand.

2020.6.16. 5:56am. No pill last night. Five days, 6 hours of fasting. Praise God. The succubus was weaker last night; meaning that my heart was not under as much strain. Still, there was perhaps just 30 minutes where there was no control exerted at all. As the night wore on, when she kicked up her intensity, I would lay there and calmly breathe deeply, in and out, and after several minutes the control beat would drop in intensity by 75%. I don't know if it was because she was tired, or that I am gaining etheric autonomy. I figured this was doing pretty good. I am 126 hours into the water fast. So I am not even 1/7th of the way to my 940 hour target. If I make similar progress along the way, the succubus will be, Lord willing, a long ways toward out the door. The etheric highlights of the night were three. At 3:30am I was laying calmly in bed. I hadn't had a hunger pang or any sensation in my GI tract since 10am the day before. Then, for one second, there was a burst of energy at my stomach. It was like a wand had tapped the area and gifted it with an additional charge. It was not from outside my body; the tap was internal. Within seconds, a moderate hunger pang emerged that, energetically, I think translates to a strengthening of my life force. No more than a minute after, the succubus stepped in and placed a painful block on my right toe.

Again, the sensation was that of a finger or the tip of a wand touching the center of my stomach. It was identical, in terms of a finger-like touching from an infinite Source, to what I experience in July of last year when I retreated to Hawaii (for the second time in just a few months), when my solar plexus experienced a similar "tap" that brought energy and hope back into me after I had been crying and feeling defeated.

I know that with "Kundalini awakening" there is a burst of prana up your spine from the coccyx area. But there is something important about the right big toe. Maybe that toe receives energy from the earth. The bindu point of the solar plexus receives prana. Maybe the toe functions in a similar capacity. I've never felt energy go in or out of my toe. But prior to the astral body's descent into me a year ago February, and when I was still cooped up in my metal radiofrequency cage, Kundalini put the most painful block that you can imagine on my right big toe that lasted for a good 36 hours. I thought I had broken my toe, though physically, it was in perfect condition. It was part of Kundalini's adapting my body to my miserable circumstances of writing and sleeping inside the box.

So it was that the succubus sought to block whatever energy accrual might occur in relation to a strengthened stomach. An hour after God's blessing, a blob of almost positive energy presented itself in front of my chest and upper solar plexus. I almost got high from it. It wanted me to invite it in, I started to, but immediately I felt disoriented and tightened my bindu point to cut off its access. This, as I have experienced before, is a high jinx act of the succubus: presenting herself as a counterfeit God in the hopes that a foolish aspirant will take her into his or her being. I am glad I avoided that one. For two nights in a row now my sleep pattern has altered. There is no deep sleep. I get 30 minutes of sleep, just enough to dream, and then I am awake again. This is minimum sleep life support. I think it is purposeful. Even though I am spaced out right now and my energy will no doubt crash later today, I think it is purposeful and restricts the succubus from dominating me during the night. It is when I go into deep sleep that I often will awaken to heartbeats and left ear noise that were much stronger than when I had dozed off. So that didn't happen last night.

Having an astral body descend into you and, if rejected, be replaced with its antithesis, are two of the most significant events that can transpire in the course of a male aspirant's life. You are dealing with another human being -- a female -- and on account of that there attends the fickleness, emotionality, but yes, sexual pleasure and, if you are fortunate, a physical partner to bear your children. But because it is a limited human being, and not God, the whole affair is far more risky even than inviting a Kundalini awakening. At this time I am facing the greatest challenge in my 35 year spiritual career. There is literally a tug-of-war going on over my body. Does it belong to God, or to the succubus? My situation is particularly dire as last November, due to my not following my own internal advice that instructed me to refuse to return to California from my escape in Hawaii and Australia, I was completely overwhelmed by the succubus. What aids God did provide were inadequate. This girl was able to cast some kind of etheric web over me by which to claim my body and mind. It was at this time that God stepped in and though He protected my brain, appears to have given her title to my body.

Having moved away from California again, I am in a better position etherically. But to come back from my position of severe disadvantage I have no doubt will be very difficult. I pray that a prolonged fast will do the trick. I don't want to seek out spiritual masters in India or wherever they might be. Most people are fools, even ones channeling a bit of Shakti. It could take many years and money I don't have to scour the planet for potential gurus, gain access to them, assess them, and ask for help on a matter that I have doubts that they are capable of providing. I do wonder, how many men in the past have lived with a consort dwelling within them? There may have been none, or just a handful, unless there was a more evolved era where these occurrences were more acknowledged and supported.

I've lost 14 pounds since the fast began. My urine is dark yellow, meaning that toxins and other matter are being excreted along with the distilled water. My joints feel good, and there is less bloat and inflammation in me. I still have 26 pounds to go before I hit 180, which is what I weighed during a period in 1999 when I was chasing my first energetically empowered woman (whose astral body was placed in her first lover, who had become a drug addict wreck as a consequence [make anchor link to first succubus entry]), as well as in 1994 when I first courted the descending current or Grace at age 29, and again when I exited high school at age 18.

9:19am. In the past day I have had six shocks to my heart. This is when the succubus is trying to kill me, or at least cause me harm. One occurred during my first sleep last night. I know because when I awoke my heart was sore. When an area has been vandalized by her, it registers with pain afterward. She takes advantage of me when I am unconscious. Another happened an hour ago. But it wasn't a shock so much as a burn, like a rug burn. She does this to express displeasure. I am very out of it today. There is a lot of energy moving around inside me. I feel heavy and woozy. Whatever the case, she has little traction in me today. The breathing in my ear and the heart control is possibly the weakest it has been since April when Kundalini placed the three day back spasm at my left scapula in me in coordination with my sinoatrial node in an effort to pry her loose. I will take whatever sense of disorientation I have to if it means I am getting closer to breaking free. Praise God. Amen.

9:41am. Some etheric immune responses are kicking in. I am not saying "Kundalini" because when Kundalini is involved it is typically of a remarkable intensity level. So these were either minor "K" or my body's own innate etheric defenses stepping up. For a half hour just now, I felt a strange rippling across my entire brachial plexus. This happened at the same time as a similar energy movement played out across my upper back. Attending this was a diminishment in the force of my heartbeats. I scrunched my nose to listen to the "etheric barometer" of pressure that I can hear in my ears. The succubus's soul, or her etheric extension, is still lodged in me, but it is slightly weaker.

It is interesting that the etheric action took place in these areas because it is here that I focus on when my feet are inverted as I lay down with butt propped up on four pillows. I deeply inhale and stretch my arms parallel with my body but in a straight up position as I tighten my scapula against my spine and contract whatever back muscles I can there. Then I raise my arms to a 90º angle straight up above my chest and while exhaling slowly contract my pectorals inward against my heart and sternum. I may do 10 or 15 repetitions of this, or fewer, until the noise in my ear and force of heart beats diminishes. Then I bring my knees down close to my chest in a relaxed fetal position with my hands and fingers applying gentle probing pressure to whatever area in my abdomen seems tight and in need of some release. After this, my feet will go back up on the wall and I will do some visualizations. What has worked recently is after a deep breath I will slowly exhale, and as I do I will visualize a column of light coming down through my head and deep into my chest, where it springs up as a large white flower effulgent (I like that adjective, thanks to Gopi Krishna) with light springing up out of my heart, or many small flowers springing up across my chest. If there is any noise at all in my ear, or if the beats are still too strong, this visualization will usually shut the succubus up for a while. I might have to retreat to my bedroom like this 10 or more times per day. At this time, the control beat is weak and I hear no noise. The Kundalini ring sound in my ears is stronger than yesterday. I feel more clear headed right now. I am moving in the right direction.

I want to make a point about my not taking Trazodone last night. A good 40% of me wanted to do it, because I craved the immersion in unconsciousness. I was desperate for it. I did have difficulty falling asleep. It took hours the first time, and then throughout the night I probably had five sleeps of 30-40 minutes. I was in bed for almost 11 hours. I may have had just 4-5 hours of sleep, with six hours or more just laying there. I wasn't excessively stimulated at my cerebellum. The conditions were ripe for sleep, but there was a slight tension or abeyance going on of a positive nature. I could have crushed this weak stirring within me with Trazodone, but I didn't. In retrospect, the slight existential tension in me that prevented deep sleep was purposeful. As a result, I was gifted with a charge to my stomach at 3:30am, and now I am blessed with this etheric immune response in my chest and back today. I don't think I would have receieved these blessings had I drugged myself into sleep last night. Praise God.

If the fast is successful then it tells me that being saddled with a succubus is a curse for harboring unholy desires of the flesh. But that was never the case with me. I was enchanted with this girl. I wanted to cherish her and show respect and understanding of her subtle gifts. If subtle communion was important to her, then, given our age difference, I was willing to provide a home and car to her, as well as being the sole income provider, if she were to be sexually faithful to me and bear my child. That was to be the trade off, if she had wanted that. But this never came to pass. I evicted an astral body whose human source was fucking another man, and whose human source I never touched save a passing touch on the arm once in a while. My intentions were never impure with her. That is why I am so saddened and mystified by all the pain and suffering that followed. But it seems to me, today, that God's resolution to this, and the path forward to demonstrate moral fitness, is to fast at length in order to demonstrate that my conduct is not guided by cravings of the body, but rather the commandments of the Most High. Had I known of this remedy 15 months ago, I may not have been set on this path I am on right now, with all the attending profound social and occupational disruptions I have been forced to make along the way.

4:36pm. Numerous tugs and pangs in my heart this afternoon. It's like the succubus is being forced out. We'll see where this goes. Perhaps eight times I have resorted to the bed when I've felt discombobulated. This is usually when the succubus has upped her control on the heart with strong forced beats. Strong for today, but mild compared to days past. I've been able quiet it down with my kriya. Lots of activity at my right nipple area. I hope to discover someday what all the fuss is over this particular spot. Also lots of rippling and heat in my upper solar plexus and the bottom of my rib cage. Right now there is a very strong intensity building in my mid- and upper back. It is intense. On the inside of both scapulas, too. And all along the bottom of my rib cage. Wow. It's not heat, per se. Just an uncomfortable, almost unbearable intensity. It must be putting considerable pressure on the succubus' burrow in my heart. Will she voluntarily depart? Or must she wait for the etheric drama to escalate further? Praise God.

2020.6.17. Wednesday, 6:53am. No sleeping aids last night. Six days, six hours into the distilled water fast. Went to bed at 6:30pm and arose at 5am. Several good 90-minute sleep cycles, which are my norm. The succubus spent the first 30 minutes controlling my heart beat with a machine-like, alien quality that I find upsetting. But it was much slower and less forceful than usual, and petered out after a short while. I felt some mild control return at 2am that I crunched my pectorals against, but basically ignored and went back to sleep. I was concerned about the quiet. What if she hides -- lays low during my fast? Will she avoid an immune or Kundalini response seeking to remove her? When school resumes I won't have the energy or time for all this. I feel strangely exhausted this morning. The succubus attacked my right big toe several times last night. It hurt. If you compare the two big toes, the crescent on the left is a healthy white and the flesh beneath the nail is pink. The right big toe, by comparison, is grayer and seemingly oxygen deprived, and there is a black fungal growth lining the right and left sides of the nail. It's definitely been traumatized. Before drifting off to sleep for the first time, the succubus sent a couple of wads of deadening energy to my frontal lobes.

I forgot to mention earlier that two nights ago, maybe an hour after Kundalini blessed me with a small but much needed extra dose of energy to my stomach, I had a spontaneous vibrational kriya where my frontal lobes and pituitary gland joined and vibrated etheric energy down in my chest and heart. My brachial plexus quivered as well, adding to the immune response. This was more effortless than usual. Normally I sense a drain on my cerebellum if it persists for more than 10 or 15 seconds. But this went on for 30 seconds or more. It was stronger than usual. I'd say it was at about one-quarter of the strength necessary to evict the subtle implant. There was a moderate control beat from 4am till 6:30am when I finally decided to put my feet up and do something about it. It took longer than usual to silence. Last night I found myself thinking of food and sex for the first time during the fast. I sure would like to have some pasta, an orange, braised tofu, or an apple. Normally I would cave. I don't like fasting. I never did. I am only doing this to rid me of a subtle contagion that is a real threat to my life. My modus operandi throughout my life has been to thrust myself into life fully. Eat what I want. Think what I want. Socialize how I want. Exercise how I want. All using the best judgment I can, listening to my body at all times. Abstinence, which fasting really is, has never been of interest to me. At least for Kundalini awakening up the spine and later on Kundalini's descent into the brachial plexus and frontal line, engagement, passion, and intensity of focus were the most important things. Fasting, at least in my experience, has no place in a strategy for achieving spiritual knowledge.

But I am here now thinking that at this time, under these circumstances, a kind of holistic purification that only fasting achieves is the remedy. Fasting is a demonstration to God that you are not corrupt. In my case, given the rules of the trap I have fallen into, it is the only way to show God and the woman who sought to entrap you, that you are not controlled by impure sexual impulses. And let me tell you that sex with a succubus is the most impure exchange you can have. There is neither love nor intellectual honesty. The intellect is not involved at all. Ayn Rand said that who you have sex with is a reflection of your highest moral aspiration. That is true. To have sex with a succubus, even "merely" on an etheric level, where she causes your cock to become hard and then stimulates your epididymis to make you crave orgasm, with zero love or intellectual intimacy (the brain and heart are completely absent in the exchange), is to cement in your being the releational norm that sex for you is the lowest of all human behaviors, a mere animal reaction in your groin. With Kundalini awakening there solidifies a direct connection between your sexual region and your brain. Sexual orgasm is attended by contractions of pleasure at the center of the brain. Throughout the day there is an orgasm-like sensation as droplets of pleasure drip one at a time into the brain's center, likely the result of the awakening's establishing a pump and sublimation pathway between your sexual glands and the brain. Furthermore, when the descent of Shakti or Holy Spirit into your chest and body occurs, so does this sexual integration and connectivity come to include your thymus gland, brachial plexus, and solar plexus. When I orgasmed in that state, my thymus gland would contract and experience the same release of fluid upward (in its case) as did the center of my brain, testicles, and prostate gland. So you can see that "sex" is intended by God to be a transcendent act, connecting mind, body, and spirit. The succubus represents not just a break from, but a reversal of that spiritual truth.

9:12am. I've had to lie down with feet up three times already this morning to silence left ear noise and reduce the force of heart beats. I already feel my lateral muscles in my back and areas all over the front of my torso revving up for some etheric repulsion efforts at some point today. I feel woozy and discombobulated when this is going on. I kind of want to lay down and shut off my mind, but I was in bed for 10.5 hours already last night. What I have found though, if I stand and take it, and otherwise persist in my activities, these postive etheric preparations within me will only grow. So maintaining an alert, mildly active disposition is the best way to support this. But you have to be strong as an ox. The intensity in my solar plexus, lower rib cage, right nipple area, and upper back is very uncomfortable right now. I think the truth of the matter is that the mind and body of the aspirant who seeks freedom from the succubus must be able to take the discomfort and intensity that drives out the succubus. She has roots in my heart. She won't give them up without a fight. Wow. I feel my heart and sinoatrial node involved today. I don't think I felt them yesterday. Anyway, you have to be stronger than her. Otherwise, why should your request be granted?

9:47am. I just laid down again with feet up doing my kriya. At the peak of the etheric buildup in my torso, and as it began to wane, I noticed the succubus' heart control being greater than I wanted it, and some noise in my ear again. So I got rid of it. I am hoping for repeated bouts of my etheric energy rising up like it has to engage her. I think it will have to become quite a bit stronger than either yesterday or today. I am concerned that I won't be able to handle it. I must steel myself.

Another note about last night. When I awoke at 4am I noticed an energetic presence like growing pains at both my hip joints. Fasting causes these energies to be utilized for internal house cleaning. I have read that toxins are stored in bulk in fat cells and the joints, among other places. My urine was darker and smellier this morning. Good news.

Last night I sensed pain at the base of my spine. Today, as I did my healing light visualization, I felt pain at the base of my spine on the left side. This was the succubus' attempt to interfere. But by my second round of kriyas and visualizations, her block was gone.

1:13pm. The energy being generated in me to evict the succubus is every bit as much of a test of her as it is of me. I am crumpling. I am delirious. I have to want her ouster almost more than I want to live. It is like that. All over my chest, inside my heart, both scapulas, below and above the scapulas, and areas along my spine: This is a tremendous pincer attack. I can't get wobbly kneed. The intensity of this force is a test of my resolve. How badly do I want to be free of this girl? This is very serious shit. In the past I've had a type of delirium that attended energetic transformations. I barely squeaked through them. But I am 55 years old, 25 pounds heavier, much more subdued and pessimistic, and quite the spiritual burnout now. I am going to try to hang on for dear life and be saved. For the past few hours the succubus has caused an excessive heart rate. She's been showing off, letting me know that she knows I am a wuss and that I will fail. I must prove her wrong! I badly want to lay down and turn my consciousness off. But I must face the music. I want her spirit in me to die. I guess I have to take the pain as well. Jesus help me!

4:48pm. Very intense energy at work here. It seems to shut down if I assume a horizontal position. But it resumes when I stand up. This etheric cleansing process wants me active and alert. It's been constant, with periods of waxing and waning, since 9:00am. The energy has been so great in my back and chest that I want to bite down on something. The fact that this started on day five of the fast, and that it seems to be growing in force and tenacity, and that I intend to fast many more days (God willing), gives me hope that I will see a resolution to this this summer, when I have time to attend to this internal drama. It's taking me away from doing my taxes, but I am getting little things done here and there. My life continues. But it is a bit much to be processing chemical toxin removal at the same time I am mounting an all out etheric purge. The feeling today was a little more bearable than yesterday. Yesterday it seemed like my whole brachial plexus was involved and I had a hard time with that. Today the energy is more targeted around my chest, and more of my back is involved. The succubus just sent a spike of energy to my cerebellum on the right side. But it quickly faded. She would probably like to disrupt my sleep tonight and have me take a drug. That is her likely course of action tonight, hoping that the Trazodone diminishes this internal energy of mine. I hope I can get sufficient sleep tonight without pharmaceuticals. Praise God.

2020.6.18. Thursday, 6:52am. No medication for sleep last night. Seven days, 6 hours into the water fast. The amplification of energy within me that occurred all day long yesterday, from 9:00am till 5:00pm or so, put a real kibosh on the succubus' activity as I went to bed at 6:30pm. For about 30 minutes there was an at first moderate and then quickly fading attempt to control my heart with an excessively forceful beat. But by 7:00pm it was negligible and I readily fell asleep. I awoke a few times to drink water and use the bathroom. Often when I stand up at night, the succubus will cause a string of rapid, strong beats, I think just to let me know who's the boss. But not last night. She was asleep and left me alone. The Kundalini scream or ring or whatever you want to call the sound in my ears, which has been constant for (I have to check my notes) the last 10 months, became much stronger yesterday afternoon, continuing into the evening. Normally the left ear is compromised and registers at only half the strength of the right, but it is getting closer to parity with the right. It wasn't till 1:30am that the succubus attempted to control the heart and did so with a moderate success that after 15 minutes or so faded to a weak control. But by 3:00am the control beat was stronger and she had been able to reinsert her psychic noise or fake heart beat sound into my left ear, simultaneous with the Kundalini tone there. At about 4:30am I felt a blob of energy in front of my chest. I didn't know if it was Kundalini or not. I should have known better, but I let a little bit in. Soon after there was an energetic attack upon the base of my spine. I got out of bed at 4:50am. From 5:30am till 6:15am there was a rapid heart beat and anxiety sent to me. I tried to ignore it as I attended to other matters. But finally I laid down and did my clearing exercise and it diminished considerably. Now my heart beat is fairly normal with no overt manipulation occurring.

7:32am. I stand here at the computer and I feel weak. I feel premonitions of an intensity building up in me again to apply pressure to the succubus. I am not in control of this at all. It is an etheric overlay to muscular areas that I am accessing to choke her out. But when it builds, I feel weak. It's like you want to lose your bowels, hibernate, get away from the demands of the world. But somehow I have to find the strength to say, "Yes! Bring it! Thank you!" God is aiding and directing my innate etheric immune system. I hope I and this force I have access to are up to the task. I don't have the rest of my life to deal with this. The succubus means to kill me, there is no doubt about that.

There is this whole process of building up to etheric activity. You wake up a little tired but normal. Deep sleep emphasizes this "normal" or basic level of consciousness. There is nothing transcendent about it. It's your baseline. But then it takes a few hours to get you up and ready for subtle activity. It's quite uncomfortable. It's like every cell in your body is being pulled toward an object that they have no interest in attaining. It's like dead weight being hauled out of a sewer manhole. Also, there is an intensity of feeling and of weight throughout the body that takes a lot of stamina to handle. I am going to try to avoid laying down today, except to deal with the succubus getting out of control. This is because when I lay down, this subtle energizing flattens, and I need it strong, very strong, so strong that it can evict a heart-embedded succubus.

9:31am. Etheric energy was building in me. At this time the succubus maintained a rapid heartbeat that seemed to subdue the buildup. I was going to lay down to deal with her, but I knew that laying down can hamper the subtle steamroller in me. Now, her heart rate manipulation has passed, and my etheric energy level is only modest and nothing to threaten her with.

2:35pm. [5 hours later.] The succubus has been raging today with far more rapid heart beats and misfires than usual. She clearly wants my heart to fail. I think yesterday put some fear into her -- so today she is on the warpath. At 10:30am, not feeling much rising etheric intensity in me, and knowing that the succubus would snuff it out with rapid heartbeats, an intuition or desire leapt up from my gut: "Hike up that hill!" So I shaved and for the first time in my eight days of fasting and proceeded to push myself aerobically. Just as my heartbeat began to rise due to the steepness of the hill, I felt two shocks directly to my sinoatrial node. The feeling of shock was so great that it ran down my left leg. I have never felt something like this before. Was I weak from fasting and the strain of the hike too much for my heart? No. I sensed that it was the succubus protesting my physical activity. She did not want me exercising. I thought that my body's intuition was that vigorous movement of my body for two hours would give me a greater etheric punch later on. Maybe that is why she protested so greatly. As I pushed through her protest I felt a couple of strong pangs from my stomach that gave me the strength I needed to make it 70 minutes one way up the hill. When I hike, typically, the succubus increases the force of my heartbeat and breathes in my ear. I shake my torso and head repeatedly along the way. After 45 minutes usually she throws in the towel and I have an unmolested few minutes of hiking to myself. But not today, at least not going up. She hung on and messed with my heart the whole way. I paused every five to ten minutes to feel my carotid artery in my neck. Apart from the vibrations in my chest (and the thymus gland if her energy is holed up there), it is very easy to tell if she is forcing my heart to beat harder by how the vessel pulses against my fingers.

3:09pm. I had several more rounds of heart racing, pounding, and backfires/explosions every six or seven beats in the past hour as tension in my back and chest grew. Briefly I laid down to do muscle contractions and breathing exercises, but I determined that I was not on the edge of a heart attack and that the pressure I felt building inside and around the entire surface of my heart muscle was not the succubus about to cause a heart attack, but rather an etheric buildup of energy to pry her loose from me. So I got back up and returned to my computer, urging this process on. It is petering out a bit. But these things wax and wane. I hope there is another buildup before I go to bed tonight. I think it scared her quite a bit. Today was the first time that I felt tension in the heart muscle itself. Good! It is on target now. Finally!

In a sense, this is a contest between two hearts. Whose heart is stronger? Mine has a lower resting pulse than hers. But she is 15 and I am 55. The age difference may put me at a considerable disadvantage -- at least in terms of how resilient to stress I am. But my body is the home team. That should count for something. I have considered the possibility that her heart is stronger than mine. Perhaps that is why I couldn't pry her loose two months ago with that three-day pincer attack between the scapula and the sinoatrial node. But now with my fasting, being into day eight, perhaps I have more energy to apply to the task. I have considered the possibility of my having a heart attack during this fast and attending etheric battle. Should I ask God for more help? I do every day. And I visualize white light coming down through my crown into my chest and heart everytime I do my succubus kriya with my feet on the wall, which is ten times a day, more or less. But God wants me to sort this out mostly on my own. The desire to hike, and pulses from my stomach, were God-given aids for this path I am on. But most of the heavy lifting I think I have to do. This is a battle between two material human beings on the subtle level. God is more of a referee here. Apart from a few nudges here and there, He can't take sides. Whatever happens, I think I'd rather have my heart attack facing this girl on my feet during a fast, than give in to my desire to eat, lose much of this extra subtle force, and succumb to her over the next few months -- because that is all I think my body has left in it to resist her. My question is, with all this intensity and struggle at day eight, what is in store five, ten, fifteen, and twenty days from now? I was hoping to wear her down more gradually with the fast. But things appear to be climaxing now. Help me God!

2020.6.19. Friday, 5:44am. Eight days, six hours into fast. No pills last night. Praise God. I went to bed at 6:30pm and was met with moderate heart control and misfirings that fizzled out 30 minutes later. But there continued mild attempts to control my heart most of the night, with misfirings, sleep disrupting energy going into my cerebellum, et cetera. I slept fairly well despite the attacks. It became stronger at 2am but again faded. I had a few more sleep cycles before I arose at 4:50am. The succubus is very quiet right now. While there is no overt manipulation, her mere presence within me remains an etheric drain on my heart. I have bags under my eyes and a blackness to my eye sockets that began in early May that is unprecedented. I never had darkness there, even after multiple orgasms. I think that is a heart or amrit nadi drain, or a reflection of my skull being sucked dry in some unfathomable and dastardly manner. My eye sockets were lighter in color after my walk yesterday. It's 6:06am. For the past 15 minutes the succubus has set up a strong control beat. She had been quiet for the first hour of my waking. I was more concerned that she would lay low, knowing that my body would respond to her attacks now that I am awake. But I guess we both want to see the conclusion of this. I don't have the rest of my life to deal with this etheric intruder. I have next month, and that is about it, because school starts again at which point I won't have any time for this. I pray to God that my heart is strong enough to mount the kind of defense I saw yesterday, with tremendous tension throughout my back, chest, upper solar plexus, and heart muscle, most especially.

7:30 am. First tiny pain in my heart today. My body's immune system has sniffed the succubus out. Lord, please bring on the etheric storm. I hope, God, that I can remain standing during it. I want to lay down and go to sleep so bad when the energy waxes; but doing so causes these inner workings to fizzle out.

9:51am. It's been a brutal two hours with the succubus. But now, right now, for the first time today, tension is building in my heart muscle. The whole thing, just like yesterday. She's trying to send extra etheric energy into my solar plexus. I am tightening against it. My whole chest is taut. The areas around my scapulas are building up, but not half the intensity level of yesterday. I am not so delirious as yesterday. Perhaps God is fine tuning the approach so that I can handle it better. Two days ago Kundalini reasserted control over my left ear. It was a relief not to hear the succubus there. But since then my left ear canal has been savaged. The whole ear canal is in pain. When I walk around there is an echoing sound there due to the pressure differential between me and her. I've had to yawn a lot to release the pressure as she clawed her way back. By this morning she had successfully reinserted her false heart beat sound there. I did my kriya a couple of times this morning, but I have not been able to clear it. The intensity in my chest has faded a bit, as my landlord asked me to help her put animal feed into her golfcart that she motors about in. I hope this intensity comes back soon. Anyway, yes, this morning for two hours, from 6:30am to 8:30am I was intellectually paralyzed. It was very unusual. I couldn't feel what the succubus was up to, but by the end of it she had reclaimed my ear. For whatever reason, making me hear her noise is critically important to her. I think that noise is to my conscious mind what the psychic static -- that is her misfirings of my heart --is to my unconscious being. I shuffled around, unable to concentrate. I ended up organizing the furnishings of this cottage I am renting -- both mine and the landlady's -- to excellent effect. 10:32am. Good. Some intensity is coming back to heart and chest. At least this process knows when I am otherwise occupied and unable to attend. The succubus has the noise in the ear. Maybe that is why she isn't causing rapid and forceful heart beats right now. We'll see what she has up her sleeve to derail this effort.

4:49pm. The succubus has made a big comeback today. Whatever that two hours of unspeakable disorientation this morning was, the succubus has reclaimed my left ear, inserting the fake heart beat sound there, even if barely perceptible, all day long. I've had an elevated heart rate with excessively forceful beats nearly the entire day, maybe from 9am till now, with but a few 20 minute breaks. Whenever I did something somewhat physical, like hanging some towels, my heart would race even more. She attacked my thymus gland today, too. The heart rate wasn't horrific, so I tried to ignore it. I laid down only four times or so to try to quiet things down. I did so just now, and the misfires, force, elevated rate, and noise, continued despite my best physical efforts. I must have done forty repetitions, four times normal, with no effect. Right now I feel etheric tension building at my scapulas. She'll probably attack it somehow. I was saddened today, wondering whether this fast will be enough for me to get rid of her. Will I be able to budge her? Will she reside in my heart till I die? The thing is, I am open to fasting 40 days if necessary. I am only on my ninth day at this time. So there could be a long game ahead. But I wonder, should I have been on a wheatgrass or vegetable juice fast, rather than water? I feel weak. I have a couple of small dental caries. One is still sensitive to the touch. Viktoras Kulvinskas in his Planetary Healers Manual (*) describes how his filings came out and his teeth remineralized during an extended wheatgrass juice fast. I think those nutrients did the trick. I don't have any of that with distilled water. Maybe I'd have more subtle energy available to me with the vegetable juices. My subtle immune system is kicking in right now, I feel my right nipple considerably, my back, and a small amount in my heart. I doubt it's enough, but we shall see. I should have gone ahead with yesterday's activity, rather than retreat for fear of a heart attack. That was very powerful, I think amplified by the two hour hike.

2020.6.20. Saturday, 5:12am. Nine days, six hours into the fast. No pills last night. I think two days ago when Kundalini had control of both ears, urged me to do my two hour hike, and then, an hour or so later proceeded to set up a great tension across my chest, back, and within my heart, was my best opportunity to break free yet. But once again, I flubbed. I'm cautious. I don't like pushing into things that I am unfamiliar with and that might cause me harm. I've tried to live my life conservatively. Of course, with Kundalini I've had numerous "intense" and "uncertain" events transpire, but I do my best to tread lightly and cautiously in those moments, especially so since becoming EMF conscious as a result. With respect to the astral body's descent into me, and the drastic consequences of that given my extremely unfinished stage of development, I had NO FUCKING CLUE. I had never heard of such a thing. I was completely unprepared. Anyway, with the great tension in my heart, much like a similar tension that climaxed in April (and that I once again pulled back from), I had concerns that I would have a heart attack. So I laid down for a bit and tried to calm the succubus' intense heart beats with my kriya for a minute or two. I then intuited that "No," the profound pressure in my heart was an intentional Kundalini action, and I went back to my computer station. But the moment was over. The high tension was gone, and I have not felt it since. I am wondering whether eight days into the fast, which was where I was two days ago, might have been the peak etheric boost day for the fast. That is, though I may lose some weight and cleanse my cells over the coming days (if I maintain my course), will it be more of a physical rather than a spiritual activity? I wonder if I were set up for making fresh vegetable juices, which I am not, would that give me more subtle energy, which is the main focus for me and not so much the physical health aspect? The succubus tore into me in a huge way yesterday. I don't know what was going on in my head for two hours in the morning, but I was disoriented in an unprecedented way, and by the end of it she had reclaimed my left ear and gave me her false heart beat sound for most of the day. I did some kriyas, but they had little effect. For several hours last night the sound carried on, as well. I wish this fifteen year old girl had more on her plate socially. I have been blessed with summer vacation. It's an ideal time for me to attend to a challenge like this. But this girl has zero responsibilities, socially or financially. I think I have her attention a good 18-20 hours per day. God looks at this and says, "Wow. I guess his body does belong to you. Carry on." It's been almost impossible to break out of my imprisoned state. I lay there in bed this morning from 3:00am on, with an uncomfortably strong control beat in place.

5:52am. The heart beat became much more pronounced, so I took a few minutes in bed and did the kriya. It calmed a lot. It was her choice to calm it. She did so I am sure because my kriya is as much directed at her as it is my subtle immune system. My prolonged muscle contractions, deep breathing, and visualizations do seem to trigger the arousal of my subtle functioning. There may be a delay of 15 minutes or an hour, but I am definitely beckoning it. She doesn't want to see if God, through my body, has more in store for her. But getting back to my despondent state at 3:00am, I wondered whether the succubus had won sovereignty over my body. What a horrible thought. I tried to visualize God's light filling my body, but there was a block over my spinal column a couple of inches above my coccyx that prevented at least half of my energy from flowing. Normally, when I have an intense visualization it triggers a response from the base of my spine with a pulse of energy to join and support my mind's yearning. The succubus does everything she can to prevent her victim's escape. I feel pretty calm and good today, well enough to be writing here. I pray to God for the strength to carry on with this fast; and I pray to God that this fast buoys my spirits such that a triggering event can manifest by which the succubus will be forced out of me. After my kriya just now my visualization was not white light entering and cleansing my chest, but of a direct yearning to God for assistance. It felt like the right thing to do. I don't know whether this fast and my efforts alone will work. Even though I have blown several opportunities for release to this point, God may yet extend His Hand down to me one more time. I pray for that now. Thank you, Lord. Amen.

6:30am. Just got back from another 5-6 kriyas in bed. Men, be careful what women you invite into your life, because many just want to suck up your attention 24 hours per day. So it is that the succubus spiked up the heart beat again. What a time waster. One caveat about my feeling "good' today. This is in marked contrast to a string of days earlier on in the fast where I felt "woozy" as my subtle energy system came online to do battle with her. I feel no such buildup today. Hence the comfort of "normalcy" for my consciousness. The succubus' move yesterday could have been in response to my failing my eight day mission. Now it was her turn to claim the house. I don't know. Miracles may yet happen. I even cried during my visualization today. Not a big cry, but a first for this period of fasting. It is my hope that the etheric respite I appear to be in is just temporary. I need God's help, big time. Amen.

8:24am. There have been a couple of faint pings in my heart over the last 30 minutes. But otherwise nothing going on etherically. I have felt unaccountably happy, like I am going to get through this, or that none of this matters because I am already free. I am not delusional, typically. We'll see where any of this goes. I would like to eat, but I am going to see this fast/succubus purge through to the best of my ability.

9:32am. There was mild to moderate tension building in my back. The succubus increased the pace and force of my heart beat. The effect was that my subtle aspirations today have been derailed significantly. She intends to do everything she can to possess my body and quite possibly my soul. I hesitated laying down to do kriyas because a supine position causes my inner workings to pause.

9:44am. She is really going after my solar plexus, especially the entire area along the bottom of my ribcage. She kind of wraps subtle energy there around my bone tissue. She is trying to overpower my own innate Kundalini defenses. With the aid of her etheric injections from afar, she is stronger than me at this time. Were I in Australia, or had I been shifting my locations by 1000s of miles frequently (which I cannot afford), I could keep her off her game. But I am stuck where I am at this time. I will have to see whether the fast can help me break free.

3:13pm. Today's been a wash. I've had mild etheric build up in me, but not one fifth what it was two days ago. The succubus is in the drivers seat, breathing in my ear, causing heart irregularities whenever she pleases. But I remain hopeful that this fast will somehow bestow upon me additional spiritual benefits, chief among them, a lasting release from her grip. My visualizations have gotten some traction. I've been visualizing and feeling a tractor beam of light from above infusing my entire body. Traction means received with a burst of support from the base of the spine. Numerous times today the succubus sent energy to my solar plexus. It varies where it lands. It's not the bindu point as it was at first. When I was in Australia she learned how to inject herself directly into the abdominal muscles and move in from there. And I've failed to mention that my right big toe has been attacked with a psychic block a good half-dozen times per day throughout the fast. My poor toe!

20206.21. Sunday, 6:42am. No pill last night. Ten days, six hours into my fast. In the last day and a half I've started to get slight muscle cramping in my calves at night. I read once that it may be due to magnesium deficiency. But now I am seeing it could be on account of poor circulation. Given the intense racking of my heart that attends the succubus' control beats, I've decided to consume a couple of spirulina (*) pills a few times a day. I think I had a cramp in my heart once at some point in the last few years. I want to avoid that now, especially with the succubus lodged in there. The spirulina has a lot of minerals, phytonutrients, and anti-oxidants (*). Hopefully this will be of assistance, and give my body a slight boost in terms of recovering from the etheric stress I am under. For example, for the past 40 minutes my heart has had a faster and stronger beat than normal. I've tried to ignore it because I would like to be productive rather than playing games with her. It is quite distracting to have to lay down and perform kriyas, as was the case every 20 minutes for a couple of hours straight yesterday afternoon. I just hope my heart can take it. While I don't have access to a steady stream of wheatgrass juice as Viktoras Kulvinskas (*) had, I am hoping that some spirulina and Nutrex Hawaii's sister micro-algae product, Bioastin Hawaiian Astaxanthin (*) will give my body the resources I need to maintain fitness during this time of extraordinary etheric challenge.

Last night. The succubus began loud noise in left ear and increased heart burden at 7:10pm as soon as I lay down to sleep. I contracted my chest muscles inward, and made my upper back taut. I maintained this for twenty minutes until her actions were barely perceptible. A small level of control may have been exerted at 10pm, but by midnight there was nothing, apart from the etheric drain that is her in my heart, regardless of her conscious interference or not. At 1:37am she came on like a truck, with very loud noise in left ear and even stronger heart beats. I responded the way I always do when I am laying down, as just described, and within 20 minutes her behavior was 90% reduced. I focused some anger on her for a while. My sleep was not as deep for the next three hours, although I dropped into the dreamworld at least twice, so that is good. But I do feel somewhat wasted today. Where in the fuck is this all going? I can't afford to be playing spiritual tug-o-war for hours each day when I return to school in August. Will my resistance wear her out at all? Will God assist again? I do need help. It concerns me that these Kundalini-aided eviction attempts were all one time each, not to be repeated. I am the type to get to the edge of something and then pull back to consider, just to ensure safety. I did feel that I risked heart attacks this past April and now just a few days ago. In retrospect, I suppose, I should have just pushed through the pain -- or if not pain, then certainly fear -- trusting that God is in control. But the problem is that God is often not in control, but rather the succubus. And this physical body of mine does have limits. Anyway, I hope the opportunity to break free presents itself again.

Last night. A couple more things to add. There were three or four bursts of etheric energy from my spine last night, in ways I have never before experienced. This might have been after I focused angrily on the succubus. One was a burst of energy from the base of my spine that filled my torso with a healing, cooling, "blue" etheric energy. I don't know why I call it blue. It's not like I can "see" it. But it feels cool and comforting, as opposed to the "red" color I gave to Kundalini's ascending energy when it was out of control during my first few years after awakening. Another burst was of the same energy type but from directly behind my heart at the spine that filled my chest and irrigated my heart. This is good news, for sure. But the heavy lifting involved in a succubus-eviction has yet to be accomplished. Another good thing is that during the night I was able to reclaim my left ear sound. Since I arose today there has been no sound but my own in the ear. The succubus worked so hard two days ago to capture it. Well, it's back in my hands again. LOL. Lastly, I drank and breathed very little yesterday, yet I was productive the entire day. Today, because I consumed these hardened pills, I have been called upon to drink much more water than usual. Water is fine for cleansing, but sometimes, to generate etheric energy, you need to listen to your body and drink only the minimum. Something about the extra hydration or sloshing about in your stomach interferes with something -- or at least that is my intuition. Anyway, I will see how it goes today.

8:16am. I did a kriya in bed 30 minutes ago. Now I have emerging, in my back on both sides behind the bottom of my lungs, a strong etheric tension. Good. This is more than I felt yesterday, for sure. I am desperate to know that my etheric defenses do not peter out after day seven of a water fast. I want for them to be even stronger at day 15. God help me! Amen.

2:52pm. Several hours today of heart racing with me having to lay down and do my breathing and contracting exercises to reduce it. She's also attacked my back behind the heart in order to weaken the muscle. It's wearying. I hope she is paying a price for this compulsive, destructive, vindictive behavior.

2020.6.22. Monday, 6:27am. Eleven days, six hours into water fast. No pills last night. This morning I've already done two series of kriyas on my bed with feet on wall. The succubus attacked my left scapula and area in between it and the spine. This is an effort to weaken my heart chakra, specifically the heart muscle. There was mild soreness there yesterday and some last night. I am concerned. If Kundalini does not come rev me up again, I am doomed. I can play these games of a back and forth fight over heart rate and pressure, which seems like every 20 minutes. But it is highly distracting. And what if I actually want to do something productive with my time, instead of plowing all my attention into the negative presence of a cruel 15 year old's astral projection embedded in me? Like I plan to have a day of shopping tomorrow, with a good hour's drive to some of my destinations. There will be no bed and no place for kriyas for seven hours. I'll be a sitting duck. There it goes again: an irritating shimmering etheric shove against the area behind my heart, along with multiple small jabs at my solar plexus. She would like very much to finish me off this summer. I have some small pain in my heart, just passing. It's not a good sign.

It was a mistake yesterday to take the spirulina. It threw off my system. The pills stuck in my thoat and caused all sorts of reactions from my gastrointestinal tract. I had to drink a lot more water than I would have otherwise. I would offer that something special happens in the course of a fast. The GI tract tightens up and begins to operate on a non-digestion mode basis. It becomes a cord of internal purification, spiritual attention and strength. It takes a few days to get there, but it becomes that. So the pills and excess water threw a wrench in there. Not again.

Last night the succubus gained a little more traction in my left ear. Yesterday and two nights ago it was mine completely. During the night I had bursts from my spine. One was behind my thyroid that irradiated my chest with that blue, cool, healing energy. Another was from the base of my spine that filled my whole torso with the same. Other than that, the drama with contracting my chest against her control beats and the intensity dying down within 20 minutes continued. I had a good sleep, relatively speaking. But I cannot wait to be left alone at night.

10:02am. A little respite the past hour. But now that black etheric wind blowing from outside me into my left scapula area and spine, maybe a five inch diameter, is back. It seeks to penetrate into my heart muscle to weaken it. But it starts as an uncomfortable shimmering feeling on the surface of the back. Kundalini feels like a solid tension that arises within me. Kundalini is native to me, while the succubus' projections are not. Zero sign of etheric buildup in me. It is likely the case that you take a full stomach, then fast, and perhaps days 4 through 7 are when your subtle capacity waxes. Now, into day 12, it appears mostly that I working on a physical cleanse. But I remain optimistic. I am sticking with this for another week or two or three, if I can. There is nothing like the omnipresence of the succubus to remind me of why I must stay the course. I pray for God's deliverance.

1:30pm. The succubus has been attacking my back for the past few hours. Right now she has a moderate lock on areas beneath both scapulas. I have the darkest eye sockets that I've had in weeks. Prior to that, just 30 minutes ago, she had a shimmering push into both scapulas where the bone is most prominent rising from the body. I thought she was trying to imitate God, and she was. These are moves that Kundalini did to evict her. No she wants to retrace the territory and claim it as hers, before killing me. I squeeze and contract my back muscles, but to little effect, at least when standing. I am on hold waiting for tech support, so I don't want to lie down right now. The succubus sent probing energy around my heart last night. I think she is assessing for weakness, preparing her timeline for when to pull the plug on my life force. I am concerned that all this energy gathering at my back will come down on my poor heart muscle and it will fail. I pray that this will not be the outcome. Please help me, God. Nearly zero messing with my heart muscle this afternoon. The succubus is entirely focused on commandeering my upper back and scapulas. This is the launching pad for attacking the heart if that is her aim. If this were Kundalini, more of my back would be involved, and not just these two inch diameter areas under each scapula. My whole brachial plexus would have psychic tension splayed tautly across it. There is zero energy there. Another tell is that she is so preoccupied that my heart muscle is being left alone. Third rate God she is.

2:00pm. The succubus' additional energy has now surrounded and invaded my heart. There is a moderate amount of pressure there, perhaps a fifth of the intensity that Kundalini was able to muster for her ouster a few days ago. I don't feel threatened by it; but to be ridden with a negative consciousness day after day does wear on you.

2:48pm. Just did another kriya in bed. The succubus threw in the towel on my back. She doesn't have the force to take me over there. She's back to heart explosions, straining my heart, and introducing static into amrit nadi. I am this cunt's sadhana.

2020.6.23. Tuesday, 6:18am. No pills last night. 12 days, 6 hours into fast. The succubus worked overtime last night with heart control, introducing more noise in my left ear. I would tighten my chest and back for 10 minutes, after which she would relent and the ear noise would leave. However she was persistent and maintained a stronger heart beat than was acceptable to me. From midnight onward it was pretty much nonstop. It seemed like hours that the succubus' etheric energy moved about my body: digging through my lower bowels (something she had never done before) looking for energy; darting into the muscle at points along the left side of my spine; placing a brief tap at the base of my spine, trying to get first dibs on subtle essences produced by my body en route to my brain; placing a block near my left scapula; and most obnoxiously, placing a block at the top of my spine where the spinal cord enters the brain. I awoke to find that. I leaned my head back, tightened my neck muscles, and then vibrated it out of me. Is this the essence of male-female relationships? I sure as fuck hope not. I cannot wait to be left unmolested at night, with her soul anchored somewhere else. There are strong heart beats and all of that going on right now. But last night, for quite some time, I lay in bed happy. My body is becoming an even better vehicle for spiritual awareness and spiritual force. I am getting clean as a whistle with the fasting. It is fascinating to see my body possessed by the succubus (to the extent that she can), and then within hours, become a vessel for the Holy Spirit. It is quite an interesting phenomenon.

I had an unusual dream. I am pumping gas into my old Chevrolet Sprint that I sold in 2003. It is near closing time. It is a remote area. The owner comes to me and shows me how to squeeze the pump handle. As my attention is drawn to his hand, my car is stolen. As he walks back to the office I shout to him. He ignores me. I go to my mother who is in a city gym on a recumbent bicycle sweating and I ask for help. She says, "You've brought this on yourself. You handle it." So I notify the police and use public bussing to get back home. Is there some tie in here to my spiritual path? Have I lost my way? Was I distracted and therefore derailed somehow? Is the succubus the shop owner and my car Kundalini? I don't know. I thought the dream was worth reporting on as I've never been robbed in a dream before.

2020.6.24. Wednesday, 5:15am. No pills last night. Thirteen days, five hours into the fast. I picked up a few tinctures yesterday, thinking I would benefit from some kind of cleansing or nutritional aid at this time. The zeolite felt good, like it had some kind of suction effect on my tongue. The bottle states that it cleanses free radicals and heavy metals. It certainly feels like it is pulling things out. I have not read one way or the other regarding the fulvic minerals that are supposed to contain a wider spectrum of nutrients than our often depleted farm soils have. Treating the succubus as a virus of sorts, I picked up an anti-viral with ginger and several other herbs in it. The tincture is made with a grain alcohol, so adding several droppers' full of tincture straight onto my tongue, especially with that strong ginger hit, may have given signals to my gastrointestinal tract that my fast was finished. My tongue is still a bit numb from all the herbs and alcohol dripped onto it yesterday. Okay. Succubus news. Yesterday I spent the day shopping. For the eight hours that I was gone, apart from feeling predictably weak from the fast, I had almost no succubus interference. But shortly after arriving home, the fixation on my back and occasional rapid heart beats returned. At the same time I felt strange. Something else was going on. When I lay down finally at 7pm, I noticed that the strength of the heart beat control was about one-fourth what it normally is. After 20 minutes of my contracting my chest against her, it was almost imperceptibtle. An attempt to give me strong heart beats when I stood up to use the bathroom also occurred, but again, it was muted by 50% or more. At about midnight (and continuing this morning for the past hour -- it's now 6:15am) a control beat and sound in ear was initiated. Yes, it was diminished and barely caused my chest to rattle discordantly. But it was not me. It was not God. It was still an intrusion and a blockage to my path. I laid there for a while depressed. "Is this God's final compromise?" I inquired of the ethers about me. I know I flubbed AGAIN with last week's challenge. It's not that I couldn't take the intensity in my heart. That was easier than what was going on in my brachial plexus and back. But I was concerned about having a heart attack. If God chalks that off as a FAIL, I wish He would give me the same opportunity and let me try it again. But to date, every single mode of rescue -- of which there have been a half dozen -- has been a singular event not to be repeated. So, cautious me has never been able to get to the edge of one of these rescue attempts, pull back, and then try it again. Has God granted this abusive, unfaithful girl the right to dwell in my heart for the rest of my life? That is what I am looking at here. Since I awoke at 4:45am the succubus has been pounding at my heart more ferociously than usual, knowing that her force has been diminished. I suppose she is trying to reclaim it. I already feel the shimmering, succubus energy building up along the spine behind my xyphoid process. She wants her full force back and I guess God will grant it if she works hard enough. Even at reduced force, the mere presence of the succubus causes unacceptable wear and aging of my circulatory system. I sat outside with my landlady for a while yesterday, with my eyes glancing disapprovingly at the visible veins in my legs. They are getting worse. This whole succubus thing must come to an end. Lastly, yesterday and today there has been a reduced volume in my Kundalini ring sound in my ears. I need K to remain loud and strong till this is over. I hear my own soul sound nearly eclipsing Kundalini's. I am not ready for that. The succubus must be evicted first. I do not wish to be abandoned to this fate. A new and better chapter of my life remains to be written.

Beginning early yesterday afternoon and continuing for a good six hours was considerable pain in my right big toe. I put my car into cruise control and then brought the foot closer to me so I could try to massage the pain away. It wasn't until I went to bed that I knew what the pain was about. God was dialing her back earlier in the day. I was not aware of it, but the succubus sure was. Still, the toe block did not appear to do much to help her, but what else are you going to do when you are a succubus?

2:16pm. I broke my fast at 1pm, or 13 days, 13 hours. I was under intense, unrelenting succubus pressure for some hours. There was a cord of feeling from my stomach up to my tonsils. It wasn't the pang of hunger normally relayed by the stomach. Rather, it was a sincere SOS from my GI tract that it needed food. I had been feeling very weak as it is. That wasn't the case the first 10-11 days. The length of my esophagus and stomach, for a good two hours straight, pulsed with hunger. The day before I had tried to carry some heavy items, but it was nearly impossible to do so. Also, on day 11, when I had my fall and had some serious concrete burns (from skidding while on the ground) on my left lower leg and foot, I discovered that the wounds very slow to heal -- in fact, the slowest I've ever seen. Nine hours after the fall they still had not clotted fully, with no scabbing whatsoever. It wasn't till the next day after I had ingested a great deal of some healing herbal tinctures (perhaps 5x what was recommended on the labels), that a scab began to form. So, I was compromised in every way possible. Kundalini's loud scream in my ears was reduced to a squeak in the right; my healing process was diminished by who knows how much; this succubus, being an extension from a young and healthy girl, was at her peak health and would likely take advantage of the situation; and it seemed, increasingly, that the major etheric action point in the course of the fast had passed, perhaps at day 7 or so. It would be best for me to break the fast now, since the focus for me is mainly etheric cleansing and less so the physical body, with the possibility of another fast for succubus purposes after I had re-tanked on food and material supports for the next two weeks.

After I ate, tellingly, the succubus gave me the most intense and sustained high beats per minute and strong force of beat in my heart than I have had in months. It took me a half an hour to calm it, and I was not completely successful, not by a country mile. Later, coming home from doing laundry, I was victim to the most intense and painful pressure on my entire heart that I have felt, easily, since I resided in California at the doorstep of this girl. I almost went into cardiac arrest, or at least it felt like that was a serious possibility. I had already had a good 30 smaller shocks to my heart earlier in the day; then the sustained high beat rate; and now this. Why would I expect to be safe now? I think what this intense reaction showed me was that the succubus was not happy I was eating. She knows I am feeding Kundalini -- that coming back for another attempt to get rid of her is where all this dietary intake is heading. Overall, I went from about 220 (guess) down to 195 (I had a scale at this time) in the course of 14 days of fasting. But now it is time to tank back up on food and resupply my body with the nutrients it needs to strengthen my spiritual connection. Of course, water fasts are a lot harder when you have a succubus inside you. Or maybe that wasn't the case with me. I do like to eat, a lot. It took a succubus to give me the focus and perseverence necessary to make it 13 days without food. Her constant presence was a reminder as to why I am not eating. Without that, food would have been on my mind much more than it was. But my body's energy, released through fasting, was split between her eviction and internal cleansing. Still, overall, I did excrete a whole lot of toxic material. I am happy I accomplished that, if nothing else. I remain concerned that now that the succubus knows what Kundalini is capable of during a fast, that she will be much more vigilant and aggressive next time around.

5:34pm. I suffered one of the worst attacks on my heart ever as I drove back from the laundromat at 4pm. So much pressure. She almost broke through. I tightened my back like my life depended on it, and it passed. This morning there were a good 30 or so negative darts of etheric energy that were sent into my heart over two hours time. Each one hurt. This afternoon there was some of the worst sustained heart racing I've had in months. Maybe that happened after I ate. She knows I am fueling Kundalini with this food. She is resolved to kill me before Kundalini springs back within me. I've asked God for another chance. Lord help me!

2020.6.25. Thursday, 7am. No pill last night. Last day of entries for the fast, which concluded yesterday at 13 days and 13 hours. My urine is still pretty dark and smelly, so the cleansing momentum built up over the past 13 days is still working to rid my body of toxins, or at least toxins already in the cue for release are now being excreted. I expect this process to slow down shortly as more of my energy returns to normal metabolic activity. Anyway, I went to bed at 7:30pm last night and the succubus immediately struck up her control beat. It was harder than I wanted. It always is. I contracted my chest against her and after 20 minutes it was tolerable. I slept fairly well most of the night, despite her rarely giving up the control. At least she didn't introduce noise in my ear. I think she is entirely focused on the heart now. That is how she intends to kill me -- by controlling and overpowering it. So why bother with anything else? But in the hour it took to fall asleep, she made a good dozen or so etheric jabs into my lower abdomen. This is very ususual. It has to do with the fast and the activities in that area during this time. My heart was not under control from 5am till just a short while ago; but now she is back at. Mild right now, but I expect it to gather force as the day progresses until she can try another heart attack as she did yesterday. One thing about the jabs: they hurt. It must have to do with the inherent quality of succubus energy. Or, like any shock to the system, it is an overload of energy entering a particular place and pushing itself through. Kundalini "energy," however, has never affected me like that. Maybe because it is innate to my body, as opposed to being an invading force. Sometimes the negative energy will hit a muscle group like a needle, sink in, and after a couple of seconds push through, all the time being perceived by my body as a painful transgression.

A note regarding relevance of this experience to people not awakened to the subtle level of reality. I do believe that my awareness and innate ability to conduct and amplify subtle energy has placed me more at risk with the succubus. Having said that, and seeing how Trazodone is noted as having a side-effect of increased heart attacks (even though I never observed any such strain on my heart), and believing that a small percentage of men who have difficulty sleeping are also dealing with internal succubi of which they have no consciousness, I do believe that succubi can cause heart attacks in un-enlightened men. This is a theory. I would offer a couple of counters to this, though. One is that, if the man's body has not been subtly empowered by God, then how does the succubus have any traction in him? Obviously, there is some interaction that is palpable to the man, as described in my argument regarding the Hawaiian succubus' boyfriend self-medicating himself into oblivion to deal with something. (make anchor link) Also, there are people who have received Shaktipat from a spiritual teacher. Even if there was not a pronounced "transmission" or permanent "transformation," many report feeling a contact high from the guru. So, perhaps there is some pathway in the man's body for the succubus to utilize, even though he has not been fully "annointed" by the Holy Spirit. Lastly, I don't believe that a succubus can fully "enter" a man's body unless the astral body was there first and laid the anchor and groundwork. At least not from a distance, and not without a succubus "node" or "root" implanted in the man's heart. Yes, in close proximity, the succubus can break a chakra or two in a man and come to "own" him more or less; but this is through repeated, addictive sexual contact. Typically, however, I don't think a succubus at this level is capable of inducing a heart attack. I think in order to do this she has to be on the inside of a man's body on basically a permanent basis -- and this can only be accomplished if her astral body had merged with his to begin with. And to achieve the level of hate and vengeance seeking that you need to cause death in the man, I think that is only accomplished when the astral body has been harmed / killed / successfully rejected, as was the case with me.

This begs the question, with respect to the average man harboring a woman's astral body, how did the astral body die in order to have its opposite, the succubus, replace it? I don't see how a normal man, without the Godly empowerment of subtle awareness, can reject an astral body. Given the impossibility of this, as I see it, the only way for the astral body to "die" or find itself so wholly unsupported that it can no longer exist in the chosen man, is due to certain external factors that present a shock to the man's body -- factors and effects that are wholly unintentional on the man's part. For my part, I have thought about electrocuting myself on purpose to discharge the succubus -- bringing myself so close to death that the succubus is forced out of me even as my body clings to life. The succubus would have to think that I was going to die in order for her to flee. But this is all conjecture. Maybe her subtle implant is released only when the man's spirit is released and exits via the sinoatrial node or amrit nadi in his heart. I am not willing to risk death or serious damage to my heart to see if I can trigger the succubus' release artificially. But if a near death experience were to happen by accident, it would be interesting to see what impact it might have on the implant. In addition to electrocution there could be any number of external factors that traumatize the astral body: heart surgery, car wreck, severe injury that causes coma, et cetera. I am wondering whether certain drugs, whether in isolation or combination, can cause injury to the astral body. I imagine that being intended as a lifelong pairing, it is a pretty robust phenomena, but there could be weaknesses. My intuition and experience tell me that the astral body requires a more hospitable environment in which to thrive. The succubus implant, because it is fueled by hate/revenge, and has a much smaller energy demand on the body, is much harder to dislodge. In fact, the succubus is a curse brought upon the man by God, and only God can release it. So if you have one of these things, you better start fasting and praying for deliverance!

There is also the question of whether an astral body could cause a heart attack in her chosen mate. I would imagine so, but it would mean the end to her as well. My own weeklong inhabitation by an astral body showed me that it is an entirely naive and trusting subtle manifestation. It is like a child inside of you. I think that an astral body's meeting a premature demise is rare. For most men, it is an overpowering phenomenon. A woman's astral body is an oncoming 100-car freight train that no man can get out of the way of. A woman, in nearly all cases, would have nothing to be concerned about in terms of the safe placement of her astral body. It's a force of nature with nearly no parallel or rival force to challenge it. Had I been the conduit for a force of consciousness 10x or greater than normal that I should have been, with the center of this awareness located at my heart muscle itself, the astral body would not have presented the dangerous existential challenge to me that it did. A woman of this type would have had access to the unlimited energy flow through amrit nadi within me. She would know that, instinctively, any misstep on her part could lead to my evicting her. But why test your man in such a way when your relationship with him supplies all your energetic needs? Also -- and I will try to flesh this out more in a separate entry -- I think that a fully enlightened man can provide sufficent grounding and energy to a virgin succubus -- even before she is capable of astral body implantation -- the metamorphosis of which, again, occurs upon first sexual activity. So, had I had this right, from the get go, I would have been able to avoid the spiritual rape that was initiated with her having sex with another man -- after she had spun a lifelong etheric web between us -- as well as the tragedy of expelling her astral body and the ensuing nightmare of nearly two years of succubus inhabitation since that time.

Succubi can cause heart attacks. There is no doubt about it. But for men with some level of protection granted by the Holy Spirit, the heart is made more resilient to the etheric and associated physical trauma. This doesn't mean that they cannot be killed; it just takes longer. I do have a big question regarding how a typical man can come to be plagued by a succubus implant, if at all. From my own experience, the implant is a consequence of an intentional eviction of the astral body that preceded it. Given the difficulty, on the subtle level, of any man but an adept accomplishing this, I just don't see how a succubus implant can come to exist but on the rarest of occasions.

Perhaps it is the case that the implant is generated by hate, while the astral body is a product of love. Maybe it is possible for a woman to wield both simultaneously. Perhaps the implant can be placed from afar, even as the woman's astral body resides in another man. But I don't think this is possible. The astral body, like the heart implant, is integral to the woman's subtle identity. You cannot separate her from it. Her subtle being lives through these extensions -- extensions that are tethered to her physical vehicle. The positive expression of her subtle identity or its inverse -- she can have only one. My succubus implant is trying to kill me. The hate is as integral to it as the love/goodness/innocense/what-have-you is integral to the astral body. Much of the totality of who this girl is is expressed through this subtle extension. She cannot help but wed herself to my innermost being. All day long she senses me and involves herself in what I am doing. One of the more important aspects to her control is that of my heart. It's very important for her to control my heartbeat, especially when she sleeps. But the beats are too strong and fast for me. They set up a destructive resonance in me. So I always try to disrupt this control. But even when there is no conscious involvement, the mere presence of an etheric node in my heart is like the tendrils of a plant, or the steady drip of water, that over time can break down something seemingly invincible, like solid rock. Her negative presence causes the steady erosion of my physical wellbeing, expressed most troublingly through the deformation of my circulatory system.

Since the succubus has come to inhabit me, I've taken Trazodone in order to sleep. Trazodone is noted to have a "rare" side effect of causing cardiac arrest. I am intimately aware of what the succubus is doing relative to what the drug is doing. Trazodone has an ability to dampen and release (more like "destroy") tension from any area where excess nervous system or etheric energy is accumulating. You know that spiritual breakthroughs occur when you have an accumulation of just such energy within you. So if you are "on the path," you don't want to be taking Trazodone. Trazodone will keep you forever strapped to the material plane. Your access to God will be muted. But at least you'll be sane. The calculus for whether to take this drug is altered by 100 miles when you are beset by a succubus. There is NO "positive" accumulation of her energy. It's all negative. There wasn't much I could do about her manipulation of my heart muscle. I left it to God to modify my circulatory system in order better to handle her abuse of this region (sort of an etheric inflammatory response that made my entire blood vessel network more languid). But with respect to mild to moderate energy spikes sent into my brain to prevent sleep, unless God put in a temporary neck "block" (which happens maybe once every few months), I was most vulnerable. Trazodone is very helpful in these circumstances. The tension is released and my mind is able to relax, even as my ability to generate psychic energy is lessened, as well. In any event, I used to think that some of the heart attacks blamed on Trazodone were actually due to a succubus. While anything is possible, I no longer think this is likely, with the reason being that I just don't see how a succubus can come to inhabit a man without the astral body being killed first. If a man is not conscious on the subtle level, I don't see how an astral body can be given the boot. Perhaps it is the case that the astral body can be "killed" by various adverse drug reactions in the man. While the astral body is meant to be a lifelong pairing, perhaps if a man is made ill enough, his body would no longer be a suitable vehicle for the woman. Still, I think this is a stretch, as the astal body should not be released until the man actually dies. But who knows how this all works out?

I have a couple more things to add before this wandering thought is finished. Maybe it is possible that an astral body can go "bad" and cause a heart attack. But if so, it would be her own spiritual death as well. I can't see this happening unless the girl was trying to protect another person from the man's actions, even as she herself became collateral damage. Lastly, perhaps Trazodone, given that it affects heightened energy conduction in the body, can under certain circumstances, attack the sinoatrial node itself. My experience doesn't align with that outcome, but I suppose it is possible. It is most likely the case that for some people with an organic issue driving their sleeplessness, that this problem -- whatever it is -- sometimes is correlated with cardiac malfucntion. So it would not be Trazodone per se, but an underlying condition or complication that in the presence of sleeplessness or depression (for which Trazodone is principally prescribed) went undiagnosed.

2020.6.30. Post script on fast. I've been tanking up on food again. Hopefully in the next few days I will try another fast. Looking back at this two week period, this is what I learned: Etheric energy peaked on days 6-8 of the fast. Internal cleansing deepened through day 13, but the etheric benefits were negligble at that point. Subtle energy needs a base of a satisfied physical form. God triggered an additional surge in subtle energy on day 6 by blessing my stomach as I laid there at 3am, unable to defend myself against the succubus, but maintaining my faith in God and the fast. It was not a lot of energy, but it was just enough to oust the succubus over the next three days had I remained steadfast and unquestioning in my submission to God. A great deal of tension arose in my back and chest over the next three days. On days 7 and 8 of fast, the etheric tension arose for the first time specifically in my heart muscle. On day 8 in the late morning an intuition arose from my stomach to go for a vigorous hike. The succubus protested this, shocking my heart repeatedly at the hike's outset, but the shocks were followed by strong "pangs" or pulses from the stomach that gave me the energy to continue. The energy accrued from the hike was utilized to bring a climaxing and discharging potency to the etheric tension building in my heart muscle. This peaked at about 3pm on day 8, with my will wavering and my deciding to lay down for a bit to calm down the rapid heart beats of the succubus. I was not certain that my heart would be able to handle the tension. I could have had a heart attack. This is exactly what happened during the (failed) three-day ouster attempt facilitated by God in April of this year [make anchor link]. I pulled back at a critical moment and the tension decreased going into day 9 and never rose again. All of the etheric enhancements aimed at my liberation were extremely challenging from a feeling and cognition point of view. I felt disoriented and "woozy" -- with woozy meaning it was exceptionally difficult to remain alert, standing, and exercising control over my being. It felt to me that the surge in energy was as much a test of me as it was for the succubus. I wanted desperately to become a spineless jellyfish and lay inertly as an ankle-high lump at my feet. Weeks later the succubus was highly threatened by any resurgence in Kundalini. The succubus since this time has burrowed much more deeply within me, being able to directly compromise the Kundalini ring tone in my ears. But this has come at the price of not being able to exert as much control or force over my heart. But yesterday, when I made a 21 hour faltering attempt to fast, she placed all her attention on creating an energetic pall over my entire heart muscle that made the heart feel mildly pained the entire day. The succubus' energetic grip was only 20% as powerful as Kundalini's, and would likely be vaporized were I successful in triggering another offer of Divine support. At this point I am having difficulty summoning the focus to fast again, with a strong desire to overeat. While my GI tract has been stuffed to the gills for some days now, I still don't feel ready for a fast. Does something deeper inside need to be satisfied through material inputs before I can abstain for another two weeks? I do not know. I pray for God's continued intervention and support.

The End of the Road? (July 10, 2020)

I have made several starts and stops to fasting in the past two weeks, on account of ongoing circulatory system trauma and school's resuming shortly. I won't have another undisturbed chunk of time till Thanksgiving. The succubus does seem to be winning at this point, so I don't know how much longer I will be around. I wasn't going to post again until I had evicted her. But that may never happen. So I am posting some recent succubus diary entries. The long and the short of it is that the succubus appears to have gained an unchallengeable foothold within amrit nadi that was not the case just a few weeks ago. When Kundalini appeared on the scene and nearly rescued me during the preceding two week fast, the succubus learned a few things about how better to undermine my being. Now my kriyas, breathing exercises, elevated leg placement, and even hiking itself have zero moderating influence on the force and pace of my heart. Furthermore, the succubus now knows quite well that fasting may lead to Divine Intervention and as a consequence she will now do absolutely everything in her power to prevent me from accessing God's aid via fasting. Just a few days ago, I was 59 hours into a fast, but sensing that God may appear as a result of my austerities, the succubus caused my heart to race at 95-110 beats per minute for four hours straight, at which point feeling weak and thinking that I would likely die, I opted to eat, and after some hours the heart rate lowered to 60 BPM or so, which is still 20% higher than it should be, but is my new baseline with her parasitic anchor within me. It is this sad denouement to a two and a half day fast that is the main point to remember from the following lengthy entry.

2020.7.6. Monday, 7:14am. No pills day 5. Ate pineapple at midnight. Seeing if I can start a fast. I did errands in town yesterday. I felt out of it much of the day. Like my senses were dust, with no intensity of being or "suchness" (*) on account of being inhabited by the succubus. Last night and this morning there have been attacks on my right big toe, but now it is below the ball of my foot, but still along the outer edge where she clamps down. But it's been only half or less as painful as usual, depending on how active my Kundalini block is. I was delighted to see that for most all of the night, a strong Kundalini block was maintained in my back behind the heart, rendering the succubus' attacks and controls perhaps just one-fourth as strong as they otherwise would have been. I find this highly helpful and encouraging, making me more anxious to fast at this time and show my support and involvement in the etheric eviction that I so desperately need. My complaint all along has been that God has not provided me with sufficient help, giving the succubus way too much latitude in her destruction of me. When God steps up His involvement, I want to be responsive to that.

Last night the succubus maintained a control beat and dim "breathing" in my left ear, but it was much weaker than it otherwise would have been; and my veins look relatively unmolested from the night. Praise God. I am feeling a hunger pang right now. I ate a lot again yesterday, finishing my Newman's Own Organic Mint Cream Filled cookies, a bag of BarkThins Mint chocolates, two sandwiches from the healthfood store, a large slice of pizza, and a good-sized salad when I got home. So of course my stomach will react to the overfill with cravings this morning. Hopefully they will fade and I can be productive without food for a week or two. I did immerse myself in nature for an hour yesterday. The ocean water was great for a scrape I have on my leg. (I had tripped on a water hose while carrying a 40 pound bag of chicken feed on day 12 of my fast. My muscle strength and coordination were weak.) I had lots of dreams last night. I hope this 15 year old girl -- and whatever agency from the spirit realm that may be supporting her -- is paying a price for all her intense death-oriented focus upon me.

8:09am. There were several attacks on the right toe that were more painful than usual as Kundalini is taking a bit of a break. Also, there was a minor heart burn just now, and some pain sent to the brain. The succubus won't let up. I will be laying down and placing my hands over my lower gastrointestinal tract with my feet raised to bring the energy, strength, and healing to this area that I need so much right now. I am still passing up on the pineapple in the frig. It will still be there when the fast is over. God help me!

10:30am. Breathing in left ear, dimly. A small pin-like, sharp attack on heart muscle a few minutes ago. Several attempts to cause pain to inside of right foot near big toe, but lower down, all to sabotage my life force. Haven't eaten since midnight. I must keep this up. Etheric cleanse come to me! Praise God!

12:09pm. I ate bananas, pineapple, and toast with butter, nut butter and honey in the past hour. Now, for the first time today, the succubus is causing an accelerated heartbeat. My fasting is likely a barrier or protection to this attack, at least to some extent. Some backfires and excessively hard beats, too. Kundalini has resumed a bit of a knot or block in my back, as well. I am so tired of this etheric drama.

2020.7.7. Tuesday, 7:36am. No sleeping pills day 6. Seven hours into fast. Ate bananas at midnight. Pigged out on spaghetti prior to that at 7:30pm, finishing a large batch of it that I made last week. The succubus was controlling my heart obnoxiously through much of the day yesterday, but especially at 6pm her time, 3pm mine, which is when she definitely switches gears to intensify her focus on me for the next 15-18 hours. It got so bad with an accelerated heartbeat that I went for my two hour walk at 6pm, which is at least an hour late for me. But it helped a lot. She was making my heart contract with excessive force during the hike. At one point she was successful in casuing mild pain, which is unusual. I shook a couple of times climbing the hill, as the noise in my ear annoyed me so. An hour in I was left alone for the most part. Laying in bed at 9:20pm I read "Patchwork Girl of Oz," revisiting the early stages of my imagination's development, and thanked God for L. Frank Baum and John R. Neill (Baum's illustrator, for a number of his books) in my life. But the succubus was not interested in letting me be. This was her time to feed, to control. She sent a moderate shock to my heart that extended down my side to my waist. "Go to sleep, asshole," she was saying. So I went to bed. My heart was under her control all night long with accompanying artificial breathing sound in my left ear. The succubus thinks my demise is at hand. I must lunge for God's aid. I had a sexual dream at 1am. I was inside a girl. I felt our spirits and bodies merge, and I was near to orgasm. I awoke to find my heart racing feverishly as S hoped dearly for me to orgasm, and with her middle-of-the-night inroad into my subtle being, be able to blast my heart with intense misfires, which she did for the most part anyway. I pulled back from the orgasm, not wanting to share my experience with her. I find it invasive and unsettling for her to be so involved with my innermost workings. A few times during the night I did a deep stretch of my body, like a cat. I stretch and release tension throughout my body and torso as I arch my back and raise my arms outstretched in my laying down position. But I think this disturbs her etheric roost in my heart, so the succubus responds with a counterattack of sorts. It's a series of quick, hard beats and misfires, at least 3-4 sets, as punishment, with an enormous misfire every seventh or eighth beat. It's brutal.

Right now, at 8:06am, the veins in my legs do not look good. The succubus is breathing in my left ear. Is she hunkering down in her bedroom from 6pm till noon daily, lazily gazing upon her Samsung Galaxy? It certainly feels like it. I hope I can hang on this time to the fast. My finances are in order for the next month, despite my 60% reduction in pay over the summer (due to my late start in February). I have a new computer and Kindle e-reader that will arrive this week. I have 700 books in my digital library so far. It is great not having to lug around 2000 lbs of books and other printed matter whenever I move nowadays. There are about 500 titles that I still need to replace with electronic versions. I am in as good a position as can be reasonably expected, given the state of the world at this time. The only thing remaining for me to deal with is evicting this subtle parasite, which is exactly what it is. I have bags under my eyes again these days. Her power in me is waxing. God help me!

9:51am. I almost ate. Thankfully, I reflected on the seriousness of my situation and thought better of it. I've laid down with feet up twice. The second time, I noticed that the last two weeks during the morning a succubus tap has been placed at my left hip joint on the back side. I had been ignoring it, but recognizing it to be a toe hold for the succubus to maintain strength during the day, and therefore a drain on my being, I contracted the muscles back there as I extended my hamstring and rooted her out. Immediately after doing this my right big toe area was attacked, and now there is a more mild attack on my left big toe, with a marked decrease in left ear noise volume. I will be laying down every time I feel weak. I must amass etheric energy. I have 15 pounds of fat in my midriff that should easily propel me through my next fast.

11:49am. The succubus caused a serious shock to my left temple. It was an attempt to give me a stroke. There was a less intense second shock. She is frustrated at my productivity while she has to sit by and breathe in my ear and suck energy from me all day long without shifting her focus to other matters. It must be tiresome. She just wants me dead and I haven't obliged her. Maybe she gets the sense that I am twelve hours into a renewed fast. Who knows? But I've had shocks to the area just before the ball of my right foot, on the outside edge. Smaller ones to the left foot. She's just fishing around. I wonder, does she have an etheric form surrounding me, making this all possible? Does it have horns -- a devil like appearance? That would be disgusting. I would have been quicker to reject her had I been able to see what form the etheric energy takes. She just tried to push energy into my right upper solar plexus where it meets the bottom of my rib cage. I tightened instinctively against her. CUNT.

3pm. Online IEP meeting right now. Some smaller shocks to brain and pain along edge of right foot ongoing this afternoon, with 3-4 rounds of placing my feet up on the wall. The succubus is hypervigilant. She knows I am beckoning Kundalini. She will maintain vigil for the next several days -- for as long as necessary to stand between me and God. Hopefully her efforts will fail and my love for God will prove the stronger force.

4:25pm. Going for a two hour walk. The succubus has been attacking my brain today. She's trying hard to cause a stroke. She must be disappointed that my heart has been so resilient (thus far, praise God). She must think that attacking my left temple is the weaker link and the speedier course for my demise. I hike to strengthen my overall circulatory function and to dampen her a bit. I don't know how this will play out etherically. It may call upon God sooner than last time if I do this daily while fasting. God speed.

6:59pm. Steep two hour hill hike helped a lot. The succubus threw in the towel early on. But now she is back at it with toe pain and increased heartbeat rate and force just minutes after getting back home. I hope I don't burn myself out. My stomach and esophagus both sent pretty strong hunger signals that persisted for ten minutes or more. I prayed for God's intervention on the hike, expressing my great gratitude for everything He has shown me. Amen.

2020.7.8. Wednesday, 6:02am. 1 day 6 hours into fast. Weighed 204.8 this morning. No pills day 7. Slept well. S not bothering me until 10pm or so, or was it 1am when I decided to put feet up and perform the kriya? My kriya and contracting my chest got her to reduce her presence in my heart and left ear to nearly negligible. Still, later in the night, I stretched a couple of times and she attacked me with several rounds of 7-8 quick hard beats followed by 2-3 enormous, rolling booms meant to cause ruptures in my circulatory system. I do feel weak and hungry this morning. I want to eat, but I know of no other way to summon God's amplified etheric presence in me to dispense with this creature who has made me the sole focus of her life at this time. I pray that I am successful in this quest. I also hope that she is paying dearly for this day and night long obsession to undermine me. I am desperate to have this be resolved before I start another school year, not because I hate taking sleep medications, but because her presence is harming my circulatory system. I don't think I can take it that much longer. Something in me will give. It is that physical death that is more concerning to me than even her preventing my progress on the spiritual path. There is pressure building up in my heart this morning. It is her doing this, likely as a preventative to Kundalini coming to my aid. Just saw a video that I downloaded from YouTube of (edit) (woman I knew on the Big Island 20 years ago who had similar etheric properties as my succubus), who is age (edit), a single mother of six (how many baby daddies is that?), and moved to (edit) two years ago and is seeking (edit) job there where her brother and his family have lived for some years. She disgusts me. Her demeanor is fake, cold. I typed her name into the search engine and the application video came up. I don't want the succubus to have my death under her belt as her life's great achievement. There is a bleak future and a downfall for these evil creatures. I would like to interview the past boyfriends of the Hawaiian mother of six. She exerts such control over her men. How did they break free? Or were they destroyed? What the fuck happened? The succubus did cause some pain in my head and heart before bedtime last night. I went to bed at 8:30pm, thoroughly enjoying my revisiting the Oz books that I must have read 5x each as a child. Also, the succubus attacked my right big toe area repeatedly: Dampen flow, destroy the physical vehicle, at all costs. CUNT. Earlier in the night, when the succubus slept and gave me space, Kundalini came back much more strongly in both ears, after having been muffled and fucked with for two weeks. This is the loudest Kundalini has been since the succubus went on the offensive after my flunking out on my last attempt. K still pretty strong this morning. Peak etheric activity was during the 8th day of the fast last time. HANG IN THERE, BRO! Amen!

4:25pm. Some inflation in my veins. Red splotches and a feeling of "death" in my legs from knees down to my feet. I look pre-diabetic down there with apparent cell death or toxicity building in the lower extremities, likely due to poor circulation from my body's functioning becoming more sluggish as a means of adapting to these succubus pressures. My legs can't pump the blood back up, it seems. I HAVE TO EVICT HER, AND SOON. Just standing makes my legs uncomfortable. This was not the case just a couple of months ago. My circulatory system is failing me. There was a ping or two of my heart earlier, and some solar plexus injections. Maybe she is controlling my heart right now. Yes, I think she has for much of this afternoon, making me feel very tired. The beats are of moderate intensity, and as such, are an etheric burden on me that makes my condition worse. I am hungry. I don't want to have to deal with this. Having God energize me and break the spell she has cast upon my heart is brutally difficult. I just want to eat and relax and not worry about this, but I cannot. I have to deal with this now. I feel weak. I have doubts that the Holy Spirit will wind itself up again to the degree necessary to cast this etheric parasite out. I can only pray for deliverance. God help me, please!

2020.7.9. Thursday, 11am. No pills day 8. Weight 201.1. Two days 11 hours into fast. Urine is a darker yellow, but no stench yet.

12:04pm. Broke fast one hour ago, at 2 days 11 hours. Heart rate has been a huge problem. At 11:30pm last night strong heart control was asserted that has carried through all night long to now. Rapid beats, misfires, etc. From 5am to 7am BPM was 95-100 the whole time. My heart tries to dissipate the force with fluttering et cetera, making these tribulations as light upon me as possible, but it frequently is not as successful as I would like, and my veins continue to take a beating. I was beside myself at 6:45am, with my heart under brutal attack all night, a strident, harsh beat that set a destructive tone in my body. I thought of the Tesla vibrations or harmonics that when set to the right frequency, can bring down buildings. I felt that though the tone was not immediately death-dealing, it set up a vibration in my body -- guided by this girl's destructive intent -- that leads to breakages and the eventual dismantling of the entire structure of coherence within me, as evident in the breakdown of my circulatory system that is SYSTEMIC. It is EXACTLY like that. And then with BPM of 100 continuing for two hours I decided to go for a vigorous two -hour hike. I didn't know what else to do. The kriyas were wholly ineffective, as S has a deeper level of control now. My hike was also ineffective at re-establishing control over my own body -- demonstrating to God that my body serves me/Him rather than her. Though I was hungry most of the hike, and though I had a deep yearning to turn around at 30 minutes in, I continued upward for the full hour. My stomach had pangs of hunger but they were not giving me strength like before. I dragged on and yet the succubus clung to me completely, with numerous very harsh heart beats along the way. I shook a few times; and when I did she responded with brutal racing and intense beats. She was on me like a pit bull. She voluntarily pulled back on my way back down. But then from 9am till 11am when I broke my fast the BPM was 95-110, which is insane. I alternated between laying down and doing work at the computer, but nothing I did alleviated the suffering. My heart fluttered and tried to diffuse these harsh beats. At least there wasn't any pain. Toward the end of the two hours I was laying down with my feet up, unable to regulate this trauma, feeling helpless, wondering whether I had jumped the shark by hiking twice during the 59 hours of fasting, even though Kundalini had barely made itself known in me (apart from strengthening in the ears, but no help in my chest). There was a mild tension developing in my brachial plexus, but it wasn't clear to me whether it was Kundalini or the succubus up to something. If it was God showing up, in my view it was too little too late as little had been done to slow the succubus' advances upon me.

Looking back at this episode, the succubus knew that Kundalini responds to fasting and hiking, and she needed to make it very clear to the Holy Spirit that my body was forsaken territory and under her jurisdiction now. Maybe I should not have eaten like I did. But I felt weak and helpless and did not know what else to do. [Later note: The succubus ended up going to bed early that night, not bothering me till 1am my time, which was unusual. I think she went whole hog on me earlier in the day and had been worn by it.]

1:52pm. My stomach is telling me in no uncertain terms not to eat anymore. I was full after half of that golden melon I bought at Costco, and yet I stuffed the other half into me. A strong sense of being full and not wanting food persisted, though I ate more as the day progressed. This was followed with a large serving of a mix of almonds, dried cranberries, dried blueberries, and chocolate; plus, six bites of spaghetti that remained from last week. I am beyond full. Kundalini was coming into my chest very mildly before I broke down and ate. But it was weak and barely involved my back. It is stronger now, but really, how much suffering must I endure at the hands of this energetic toxin? And how many hours must I go without food before God judges me worthy? I hate the precariousness of my situation and the capriciousness of God's presence and His often lackluster efforts on my behalf. None of this should have happened, in my opinion. I had no idea that EMF would be a roadblock, or that my unfinished state would render me vulnerable to succubus invasion. I ask God to please forgive me. Please forgive me for everything I have done wrong. I can do nothing without Your Intervention and Grace! Amen. BPM still 90 two hours after I ended the fast. But the succubus' force has been slightly muted since Kundalini showed up.  

2020.7.10. Friday, 7am. No pills day 9. Weigh 202.6. Eating today. I feel warmth and stimulation to entire solar plexus, and now stimulation to testicles. I am pretty sure that the succubus is fucking her boyfriend, fucking him good. I am shaking vigorously and she is responding with dramatically increased heart rate. I feel tension and etheric lesions all over my solar plexus, especially beneath my rib cage right there along the bottom length of bone. I shook hard and disrupted all of that. Things are calming now. Who knows? Maybe she is not with her boyfriend and I am her only partner at this time.

11:00am. Heading out for errands. My veins look like shit. I wasn't going to post this to my site, but I think I might not be long for this world (again). I want people to know that I made another attempt at fasting and the succubus responded with sustained BPM of 95-110 for two hours, plus 95-100 BPM for two hours straight earlier today. I gave up and ate, and God, for the most part, sat idly by. I am fucked.

2020.7.11. Saturday, 6am. Weight 205.4. No pills day ten. Ate a lot yesterday. Nine hours into another possible fast attempt. May try again, though I think the succubus will endeavor to have my heart fail again if I do. She knows that fasting can summon Kundalini in an extraordinary way. No chance she is going to let that happen again, if she can help it. Heart rate and pressure were mercifully light last night. There were several attempts to get me erect as I went to bed and during the night as I slept. I was laying down re-reading "Glinda of Oz" for the -- what? -- sixth time in my life? -- but the first time since I was 11 years old. It was 8:30pm and the succubus was impatient for sexual stimulation. I began to get an involuntary erection and so took my thumb and index finger and pinched it hard till the swelling ceased. I do not consort with people who have tried to kill me, bar my spiritual path and do not engage their man with a trusting and honest intellect. For the last thirty minutes I have felt pressure and a drain on my heart with darkness around my eye sockets developing. But what else is new? :(

I awoke at 4am to find Kundalini shrieking in my right ear. The tone was troubling to me. It was like a fight or flight sound. I thought Kundalini was under attack and was going to leave me, ceding my entire bodymind to the succubus from here on out. But two hours later it is still there, but its health and strength are not what they should be. If the succubus has achieved absolute control over amrit nadi within me -- and therefore my heart beat and all my heart's functions -- then there is little hope for me. I thought to myself, "Some animals die in captivity. They do not tolerate cages. For them, it is be free or die." If that is the case for me, then I should make a run for it with another fast, and by day two or three, or whenever the succubus decides to mount an all-out assault on my heart to prevent Kundalini from rescuing me, maintain the fast -- refuse to eat -- and by not stopping the fast force God to make a choice between stopping this girl from killing me or letting me die. What I learned that time last Thanksgiving when God entered me and showed her the correct way to control my heart, she has rarely followed that rule, abusing me right and left at every opportunity. I would think that she has already, many times over, lost her right to me. But God somehow tolerates it. It is unspeakably disheartening. So it was that here I was, 59 hours into my fast just the other day, with my going on four hours of continuous 90-110 BPM torture, with it being likely that my heart could fail at any time, that Kundalini-Holy-Spirit-God -- whatever you want to call this force that has animated me for the past 35 years was basically missing in action. There was a mild tension developing in my brachial plexus, mostly surrounding the thymus gland, but it had little moderating influence on the succubus. It was so mild a tension that I was not able to discern clearly who or what was going on in that area. My judgment was that it was quite possibly the case that I would die of cardiac arrest before any meaningful countermeasure was taken by Kundalini. So I ate food. I was weak. I didn't know what else to do. My question is, "Should I eat, allow myself to become sexually aroused by this alien intrusion, and otherwise allow myself to become habituated to this enslavement?" I don't know what to say to that. My mother would like for me to be alive. The fifteen or so political activists and truth-telling content providers I donate to each month would like me to be alive and generating financial support for them. My website and this spiritual teaching of mine would benefit from several more years of being fleshed out. But aren't all these "reasons" to be alive entirely missing the point? That is, when you beg for Grace and subsequently receive it, you have made a pact that Spiritual Freedom is the primary goal and mission of your life. If you abandon this quest for freedom at all costs, haven't you then missed the point of the preceding 55 years of your life? I don't really want to risk death if there is a good chance that God won't pick up the slack at the last minute and cast out this demon. But on the other hand, though the succubus has been gentle on me for a big whopping 24 hours now, that has not been her modus operandi for the past 18 months, even when I have been docile, not fasting, and the Holy Spirit no more than an emasculated ringing in my ears. I always wondered, if she is so clearly dominant in me, why the need to kill me? I do think that continues to be the strong karmic undercurrent that is always present after an astral body has been successfully rejected. Anyways, I am blathering now. It is 7:14am and I have no fucking idea what I am going to do. My stomach says its hungry. Kundalini is weak. The succubus continues to suck on my heart's energetic essence. I feel a listlessness that may or may not be better than death. But I am writing and carrying on with most basic life functions, even as I am foiled at the apex of my aspirations. I don't mind being compromised by a 15 year old succubus, provided she lays off damaging my circulatory system. Maybe she and her family will die in a highway crash. That would be something to look forward to. I don't feel like fasting, but then I never do. I have a tax return to produce and a new school year to plan for. I would have more energy for these menial tasks if I allowed myself to eat. We shall see.

Where A Woman Gets Her Power (August 22, 2020)

It is absolutely the case that a man's subtle nervous system can be co-inhabited -- shared -- and perhaps even merged -- with a woman. If so, and it most definitely is so, what does this mean? At the very least, a woman lives through her man, or at least does so to a great extent. When I had a woman's astral body living and growing within me for that short week in February of 2019, it patterned itself over every nadi in my body. It became an etheric mirror image of everything within me. It was just a pattern, at least in its early stages. The conscious principle was human in form, but just the size of a fist at the beginning. I remember the first morning she dwelled in me. She raised her arm from within my solar plexus and reached up with tremendous effort to stimulate my brachial plexus. This was like she did many mornings from afar, giving me an etheric blast to my chest going down to my groin, causing positive stimulation to these areas. But now she was inside me doing the same thing, but rather than with amorphous etheric energy, it was with a conscious, human likeness from inside my very body. In the following days, she didn't try this again, but instead just gave me an erection. It is my best judgment that the energetic mechanics within me -- i.e., my lack of spiritual completion -- prevented her from being able to reside in, or at least access, my brachial plexus. I had not sacrificed my self-identity to the Holy Spirit, thereby becoming grounded in my brachial plexus and sinoatrial node, with an accompanying ten-fold increase in the capacity of my upward and downward energetic flows. This poor girl was now stuck in many ways in the same etheric swamp as me.

Woman's suffrage and the women's "liberation" movements of the past century were inspired by secret societies bent on breaking up the nuclear family, transferring patriarchal authority to an all-powerful nanny state, making tax-paying serfs of the female sex as they left families and entered the workforce, and enabling the state to do the bulk of child rearing in a loveless, Godless environment via compulsory public education 8-10 hours per day. Such slogans as "A Woman Without A Man Is Like A Fish Without A Bicycle" were common in the 1960s. I view this as Satanic inversion; i.e., taking a Godly principle and turning it upside down. Women were told to compete like men and pursue money. Bearing children and honoring the men in their lives were scorned as backwards behaviors, at least by global intelligence agencies like the CIA and the compromised corporate media and organs of state.

I got a hug from the saint, Ammachi (*), some time back. She had a weak, but distinct charge that separated her from normal people. Whether that is proof positive of her enlightened state, I cannot say. I do believe that the capacity to transmit Shakti is a sign of one's physical vehicle having been blessed by the Holy Spirit, although there are likely ranges in force or degree of this condition. Perhaps Amma is enlightened. Perhaps she is manifesting the highest aspiration for womankind. But what of these astral bodies? Did/does Amma possess one? Can/could she implant it in a man? Do just some women have this capacity? If so, why? Is the implantation of an astral body in a mate a blessing or a curse? I cannot answer that with 100% certainty. But I do think the outcome of the implantation depends on the spiritual maturity or attainment of the male, as I have described in these pages.

My mother, 40+ years after her divorce from my father, still obsesses on him: his mistreatment of her; his hurtful words; his physical abusiveness; his failings as a father; et cetera. I find it obsessive because my mother never seems to break new ground or resolve the matter. It seems to fester in some kind of self-perpetuating cycle. What is up with that? It seems to be more than the result of a failed marriage. It's almost existential. I would say that my father still defines my mother. He may have been her first sexual partner. My mother's only two children were his offspring. She was left with much of the parenting and financial duties. So these are complicating factors adding to the grievance. But whatever the case, it does appear that, whether for good or for ill, a woman remains defined by the man she has chosen.

And then there's this succubus inhabiting me. The word was, at age 12, that this girl had "pledged" herself to me. Her friends were aghast. It was way too heavy a concept for anyone but this exceptional girl to contemplate. Certainly, it was too serious a notion for the typical lost teenaged Cardi B (*) follower -- a demographic that seemed overrepresented at my school -- to handle. I took it as a blessing. I mean, I was being visited nightly by her etheric extensions, with all sorts of remarkable things taking place. I was happy to provide the spiritual focus for an energetic prodigy who apparently had no one else to share her secret capacity with. Several girls hated her intensely. The school counselor said that teachers found her "sneaky." She was asked by administration to assist my classroom because she had been identified as a troubled girl, part of a program (edit 1) to keep young teen girls from dropping out of school. The way she dialed into my etheric being that first night, within a couple of weeks of starting with me, and the regular contacts after that, as well as the super intense stuff that occurred when she got to high school (especially the night before the first day of school, when her anxiety was off the charts and she attempted all night long to roost in my solar plexus), all led me to believe that we had a special, though unspoken relationship. But after just one short week I rejected her astral body, the only one she had. It appears that the relationship between us was meant for a life time, because two days after the eviction I was filled with an painful inversion of the initial capacity that had taken root in me. It was a black wind that blew into my solar plexus that fateful Monday morning. To this day I can still feel it encircling my spine as it went into my brain, with the etheric energy retracing the ground given up by the loss of her astral body. It was like a ghost returning to the home where it used to live. Whatever is going on here, my body, and our relationship, have some value or meaning that is trancendental in nature. Though I am definitely on the "bad" side of this equation or potential, I still give the phenomena a lot of respect. With her kernel of succubus negation anchored firmly in my heart, she intuits or senses me all day and night. When I get up, she knows. When I sleep, she knows. When I am happy, she knows. Clearly, a huge element of her self-identity is expressed though my (our!) being, despite my breakup and eviction. My thought initially, had I been appropriately prepared for her, was that she could have experienced an abundance of free energy from Source radiated as love though my brachial plexus. My enlightenment would have been hers. But signals were misread. I am not enlightened, and my body was just a trap for her. I will be eternally sorry for having given her false signals that lured her into me. But here is the question: What of her "own" enlightenment? Is that still possible? Or is an empath like her only fulfilled through communion with another being?

All women, including succubi, must assume their rightful place. :)

The political and cultural videographer, Black Pigeon Speaks, has produced several videos outlining his views on the failure of women's suffrage. He argues that it has been the mistake of allowing women the right to vote in the past 100 years that has ushered in the fascism, corporate control, massive influxes of migrants, national disintegration, and all-powerful government that we see emerging across first world nations today. Women care far less about freedom and personal responsibility than men. Women vote their emotions. They place too much trust in government and authority. Women want to be taken care of. Women are not loyal to their tribe. They seek to be with powerful men, regardless of morality or in-tribe / out-tribe status. Women want to invite the world's downtrodden into their communities so that these refugees and immigrants can be cared for, as well. Unfettered migration, and an unlimited safety net for citizens, where anything and everything is considered a basic human right, cause a ballooning in government size and a corresponding loss of financial and personal freedom for the rest of society. I agree with all this. Women's being able to vote has made a bad situation worse. The only counter to this argument that I have is that even with men in charge, humanity has lost many important battles against moneyed interests and secret societies. For example, the US Civil War was lost and the "Federal" Reserve Bank was instituted despite women not being allowed to vote at those times in our nation's history. Please check out Black Pigeon Speaks' videos, Why Women Destroy Nations, Civilisations and Other Uncomfortable Truths (*), and related Why "Islam Is RIGHT About Women" is Causing Confusion and Anger (*).

The flip side of the observation that women are by nature dependent upon and subservient to men is that it is incumbent upon men to be honorable, truthful, courageous, and caring custodians of the women in their charge. Men must be deserving of women's obedience and respect. There is a saying, "As Christ is to the church, so is the husband to his family." It's a complicated matter. We are not talking only of love and devotion, but power, survival, and ruthlessness as needed in order to secure the protection and successful future for our progeny. While I have grown sympathetic to Christianity's giving rise to great individual freedom and culture relative say, to Hinduism, I also know that secret societies and Satanism have taken a greater foothold in the Judeo-Christian tradition than they have in India. Maybe the caste system in Hinduism is better, all things considered, than the anti-life usury system of genetic modification, geoengineering, and will to power that have taken over the West. Sure, we produced Mozart, but we also destroyed God's creation.

Main Page

Spiritual Autobiography

Criminal Aerosol Spray Operations - AKA "Chemtrails"

Cultural Criticism

Electrical Sensitivity, Human Health, And Environmental Illness

Electrical Sensitivity - Personal Symptoms And Reflections

Financial

Healthful Diet And Lifestyle, Environmental Toxins, And Multiple Chemical Sensitivities

Heart Chakra Opening - Signs And Symptoms

Kundalini Awakening - Spiritual Signs And Symptoms

Kundalini Awakening - Spiritual Signs And Symptoms - Additional Posts

Kundalini Awakening - Spiritual Signs And Symptoms - EMF Complications - More

Kundalini, Orgasm, Masturbation And The Spiritual Function Of Sexual Fluids

Links

Mother Shakti Goddess Transmission Observations

Personal Minutiae

Photos/Pictures/Photographs

Political Letters

Sexual Deviancy And Its Relation To Fear, Control, Power, Vitality, Innocence, Youth, and Death

Sermons

Social Criticism

Spiritual Commentary

Spiritual Dreams

Survivial

Tape Transcriptions

Website Correspondence

Work

Email Webmaster

This page was first uploaded on 6-4-2020, last modified on 7-21-2023.

All contents and design by Kundalini & Cell Towers © 2020-2023