On The Life And Death Of A Succubus
- OR -
How To Survive Your Demonic Possession
Mother Shakti Goddess Transmission Observations - October 22, 2019
1) Female astral body projected via solar plexus. 2) Guided by the moon and a light at her fingertips, an astral traveler on the move at night. 3) A woman's etheric projection visits her love as he sleeps.
4) Unable to find a picture that depicts the more negative aspects of the succubus without devolving into kitsch images of black leather and horns. From my own experience, women with this capacity need to be in constant communion with their partner. It is an existential burden they bear. It can take on a negative aspect when the astral body is rejected, but it doesn't mean that the woman is "evil," per se.
Definitions
Kundalini immune system response: Just as the physical body possesses an immune system to combat material and biological pathogens that have entered or manifested within the body, so it is that Kundalini, once activated, functions to protect the spiritual aspirant from etheric attack by malicious people or beings capable of using such energies in a destructive manner.
Psychic vampirism: Psychic vampirism is the siphoning or lifting off of subtle energy from one being by another. Subtle energy is the product of a healthy organism and the countless biological and biochemical processes that combine to make it's life possible. These processes work synergistically with the etheric substrate that gives rise to them. Subtle energy accrues within the healthy organism. It is possible to exert such a heavy draw on another being that death results. The heart and its pacemaker or sinoatrial node are the link between the physical body and the subtle reality that informs us. Psychic vampirism, ultimately, is an attack on the heart.
Etheric anchor: An etheric anchor is a semi-permanent presence of one being within another being. This anchor can be one of two things: either a divinely consecrated spiritual union, or its opposite -- an energetic draw or drain upon a being intent upon its death. Only the most exceptional of yogic practicioners can dissolve a succubus' anchor within his heart.
Subtle karma: God has rules. Lots of them. Break them at your peril. Cut your finger and you bleed. If you don't want to bleed, don't cut your finger. Analogous rules apply to the subtle realm. Etheric energy is projected and used by the limited beings from which it originates. These beings are not impersonal conduits for infinite force. The beings' idiosynrasies and karmas color their energetic transmissions. While a being has form, beware. Your discrimination must be employed when interacting with them. In my case, subtle karmas resulted from my rejecting the Holy Spirit's attempt to aid me [provide anchor link to explanation] after I rejected the astral body of a subtly empowered female who I had unknowingly invited into my heart.
Please click here for definitions of the following terms: astral projection, astral body, succubus, and Kundalini.
A discussion of succubus behaviors and intentions, as well as a journal account of my almost being able to expel the succubus via a 14 day water fast can be found here.
Introduction
As I write this on October 22, 2019, I am uncertain how this will end or what I should do. At present, inertia and status quo have the upper hand. But I do feel better at a distance from my psychic intruder. Recently I went to Dallas, a good 1000 miles away, and I felt better. On two trips to Hawaii, over 2000 miles away, I felt better yet. It was easier for me to sleep without medication. There was less overstimulation of my cerebellum and medulla areas; I was more able to ignore the various dramas playing out in my heart muscle. I probably should relocate, but doing so will involve at least a 30% reduction in pay combined with an increase in cost of living. I have some debts to my mother that I would like to pay off before moving on. I hope I have the time to wrap up these loose ends before embarking on a new adventure to earn a living in a new location and clear my being of this etheric parasite.
It's been a month since the mid-September inflammation / distention of my circulatory system. This happened as a result of an all-night-long bout with heart racing, excessively strong beats, and irregular beats, where the succubus tried to kill me. I took three Trazodone and one hydroxyzine tablets -- both horrible for one's psychic functioning, but known to bring sleep to people -- and even then I barely was able to cross over into the peace of unconsciousness. This went from 9pm till 6am when I arose from bed. Shortly after arising, angry that I hadn't died, she sent a painful shock to my heart muscle. Now, after the adaptation, when she tries to harm my heart, due to the enlargening of my entire circulatory system, it is much harder to cause damage because the heart muscle and all the vessels attached to it are comparatively languid and unresponsive. But this also means that my circulatory function is compromised, my legs ache if I stand still for too long; and sometimes my legs and arms fall asleep when I lay in bed at night. I hope this is temporary. A similar Kundalini modification of my blood vessels happened to me in 1998 to make my physiology less conductive of manmade EMF. That modification was permanent. All my veins became enlarged, but not nearly so much as they are now. At this time my circulatory system looks embarrassingly aged. The veins in my arms and legs have never been so large and visible beneath my skin. I dreamt last night that these distended veins began leaking blood down my legs. It is my hope that that is a dream and not a premonition. Whatever is the case, today I am alive, so there is hope, and that is the main thing.
Interestingly, I know when she is meditating on me by the state of my veins. When she is asleep, with her boyfriend, or otherwise distracted, the degree of distention in my circulatory system is markedly reduced. When she is at school, my veins are visibly dilated most of the time because, apparently, she uses class time to contemplate (i.e., focus her anger upon) me. Another difference is noted on the treadmill that I use occasionally in the evenings . (I prefer outdoor hiking; but I use a nearby gym with decent air filtration for days where the military and its contractors have sprayed our skies with polymer-encased heavy metal nanoparticulates.) At the gym, when the succubus is focused on me, my heart rate will be 100-105 beats per minute while the same speed and degree of incline will result in a BPM of 95 or so when her mind is not placed upon me. For the few days during which Kundalini nearly completely eliminated her from my heart (around 10/31/2019), my heart rate was 86 for the same exercise, indicating that her mere unconscious in my heart is a major etheric and physiologic stressor. My assessment is based on additional evidence of succubus involvement that coincides with the enlarged veins, such as attacks of various sorts upon my cerebellum, crown, thymus gland, and the heart itself.
Kundalini's Etheric Immune System Response: A Preface
Kundalini is etheric energy. It is God's dynamic principle. It is also known as the Holy Spirit. The Bible says that God breathed the world into existence. Kundalini is that breath. Kundalini is the spiritual principle that gives rise to life. Kundalini is the driving force behind the evolution of consciousness in biological organisms. Consciousness is a shared field. That sharing is reflected in the sex act. Sex is the bringing together of opposites. Male and Female become one via the sex act -- or as close to "one" as you can physically. This physical joining is transitory and shallow compared to the merging of etheric bodies that is possible with advanced and blessed individuals. But even on the subtle level there are limitations and karmas. I would say especially on the subtle level. It is a mine field. Discernment and wisdom are critical. Things can go wrong on the subtle level. A relationship that is meant to be a blessing and last till death can become destructive. That connection and closeness, rather than being fueled by love, can become toxic and full of hate. It has to do with intentions, but I think certain karmas come into play when divine rules of conduct are broken, or when one party doesn't uphold her or his end of the relationship.
All this is to say that this subtle pathway between people can become full of pain, hate, and illness, rather than their opposite. Until your physical body is released permanently as spirit (upon death or spiritual auto-combustion) the possibility of negative karmas arising within the subtle realm will be a persistent threat. An aspirant never can say, "I'm Kundalini Awakened, so it's all good now" or "I've been touched by Divine Grace, so the path from here on out is without obstacle." Quite the contrary. You must keep your hands on the steering wheel and eyes on the road at all times.
This subtle pathway that underlies creation, and that can be accessed to deepen human connection, can be coopted and inverted. That is a fact. Kundalini is the referee over all of this. It's a contest of force, goodness, and evil. Where you land on this continuum, and who or what you are up against, will determine the outcome.
Compared to my own weak native display of etheric force, I estimate the succubus to be about three times more powerful. Without God's direct support , I would have little reason for hope to be released from her grasp. In the next entry I will describe some of the actions God took to protect me, either to reduce or block this girl's incursions into me, or to release her hold on my subtle nervous system. When an etheric relationship goes bad within you, you feel it. It is painful. There is inflammation. There are skin rashes where the war being waged is particularly intense. Your body knows that the foreign energy is hostile, anti-life, and not yours. Your physical body responds to the etheric invasion as if it were a material, biological pathogen. But instead of merely rashes and fevers that the body typically employs, the Kundalini immune system response involves heightened energy that concentrates within you in order to do battle with and liberate you from a spiritual contagion aimed at illness and your untimely death.
Kundalini's Etheric Immune System Response
Not that I am a formal student of the esoteric, but I had never heard of this stuff. I had never heard of literal spiritual battles being waged within the heart of an aspirant. It is one thing to yearn for God to awaken you, and to be fortunate enough to have your plea for Divine intervention granted. It is quite another to have this spiritual relationship invaded and coopted by a third party.
I had hiked in areas that people said were "haunted." I never felt anything. I was sensitive to increases in prana or life force in natural environments. But I attributed these changes to the amount of oxygen or vital output from the plant life. I never perceived a volitional movement of energy that didn't have a living conscious source nearby. I never believed that the dead can do anything. In my view, upon a being's death, its conscious, animating principle had returned to Source or God -- that deep, impersonal substrate that gives rise to our existence -- and that was that.
So, if I read something about a battle in someone's heart, I figured it was metaphorical. The heart is the center of our physiologic being. It is also the bridge between our physical and etheric beings. The sinoatrial node of the heart is our pacemaker. When it stops functioning, we die. Everyone knows this. But two separate consciousnesses struggling for a foothold within this extraordinary muscle? Nah, that must be a fable, or at most an metaphor.
But I was wrong.
The succubus is capable of permanent etheric implantation in her chosen man's heart. There are only two things that can dissolve this connection: the physiologic death of one of the two parties; or, literally, an act of God. Under the rules that God has established, the succubus has a right to her man -- a right to hold dominion over him. Her presence is a curse that God has sanctioned.
The succubus is a spiritual interloper. She is there to stand between you and God. She is there to prevent you from knowing God, and to prevent God from saving you. You could call this evil. You could also call it a test. I have a hard time condemning the behavior of the succubus. I mean, God created all of this potential, didn't He? If God made the succubus -- and what she is capable of -- possible, then how can any of it be wrong? Perhaps it is a play of power. Whoever wields the most subtle force wins? That seems to be what I have observed so far. It is an extension of the dynamics we see in the wild. The lion didn't become king of the savannah by being nice. Gazelles -- and failed spiritual aspirants -- get eaten alive every day. Nothing pretty about it. It is what it is. The law of the jungle. I refused God so here I am. Deal with it.
In the research that informed my path, I don't recall Gopi Krishna or Adi Da talking about this. So I had no inkling whatsoever that such spiritual invasion and derailment was possible. If I had -- if this were common knowledge -- my guard would have been up when a subtle extension from a young girl zeroed in on me in the early morning hours one night two years ago. I would have known to rebuff her, rather than marvel at and invite this phenomenal display of etheric capacity.
Technically, it's not a "spiritual" battle, but rather, a "subtle" battle. Nothing moves or changes on the spiritual level. It's only from a limited vantage point that "death" and "battle" occur. I have had opportunities that I stepped back from that would have released me from my limited state -- the encapsulated vestibule at the center of the brain. Sometimes it was on account of my fear of greater EMF conductivity. At other times it was just fear itself -- fear of dying, fear of the unknown. The last time that such an opportunity presented itself was this past July, where I failed God's challenge to me not just one or two, but five times. "Sure," God said, I could be rid of the succubus, but I'd have to "die," too, and "I" was unwilling to do that.
I am familiar with Kundalini -- this apparent "other" force that is the energetic bridge between you and an awareness and embodiment of the Ultimate -- doing this and that within the body of the aspirant. The energy is intense, but benign. Its intention, always, is to adapt your body to conduct heightened awareness. Books are written on this subject. But to have Kundalini perform an etheric immune function: This came as a surprise to me. Kundalini can and does protect the spiritual practitioner from harmful external actors who seek to disrupt its process within you. Of course, these spiritual interlopers may be taking advantage of weaknesses or poor judgment in the aspirant. Kundalini takes this into account. In my case, I went through two months of hell before Kundalini decided to help. And now, another six months later, I am still caught in this psychic maelstrom, at least partly due to my own failings.
I had gone from 1985 to 2019 without another person -- or "entity," if you believe in such things (I don't -- everything that moves has a physical basis, in my opinion) -- interfering with Kundalini's activity within me. I had never thought that an "etheric immune system" was possible or necessary.
But then there it was. I'll describe a few of the energy movements I observed. This is not an exhaustive accounting, but it sheds some light on what is possible.
Deep vibrations throughout the brachial plexus. Two months into my subtle infestation, and at my wit's end, I began shaking my body this way and that. I was like a dog wriggling his body after an unwanted bath. I had found that the shaking broke up the succubus' etheric control of whatever body area she had invaded or engorged with a particularly large wad of suffocating, deadening, or excessively stimulating energy. I had begun periods of vigorous shaking of my torso. I focused upon my torso because the girl's anchor within me was a nickel-sized area inside my heart. While she could move it about, it's location and size was fairly stable. This anchor was the site of her subtle ego, or self-identity within me. Though small, it helped to direct and amplify energy forced into me -- that I refer to as "etheric reinforcements" -- that arose from or through her physical body. Also, and equally troubling, she was able to draw energy from my heart muscle to use against me in terms of disrupting my physiologic and subtle functioning. If I shook my torso via swinging my arms violently back-and-forth (with my heart and other organs rattling greatly within me), I could weaken her grip on my thymus gland, brachial plexus, as well as affected areas within the brain. I shook my head, too. I wiggled my buttocks. I tightened all my muscle groups while doing so. The weakened control would last 15 minutes or so, then the succubus would be back at it, sending imbalancing energy up the spine from my heart muscle. Some months later, when I engage this kriya, I might be free for hours. It depends on how much energy the succubus wants to devote to my enslavement. I do get headaches and back aches sometimes from all the twisting and shaking, so I am judicious with my use of this defensive action. But when there is an assault upon your very self-consciousness, you must do whatever you must in order to buy a little more time for sanity and life.
So it was that one morning before work, after I had done this "torso kriya" with particular vigor, my body came abuzz with a heightened energy. Kundalini's sound eclipsed my own soul sound that always rang in my ears. It was a near deafening scream that outshone all other internal sounds. It was like a very loud ringing. It was also, at times, like a wind blowing through a crack in the door; or, perhaps, like the sound of air leaking rapidly from an automobile tire. The buzzing sensation throughout my body was particularly intense at places where the succubus had spent time: my head, my chest, my thymus gland and right nipple area, my prostate and testicles, the coccyx area, et cetera. The buzzing was just the beginning. My body was then pummeled with deep vibrations. It was a rolling, etheric wave. It was as if a subtle vibrator was being moved about my body in a coordinated, intentional fashion at a depth of one to three inches inside me.
Either I am too conductive of subtle energy (be it benign or otherwise), or the succubus too powerful, or my moral failings too great, but for whatever reason, the Kundalini-driven vibrations that went throughout my body off-and-on for 36 hours were not sufficient to evict my unwanted guest. At first "she" -- this nickel-sized area -- hunkered down in my heart muscle. Kundalini vibrated every part of my body but the heart itself, which was and is the root of the problem -- ground zero for the infestation. After a time, the succubus began to fight back. The active principle would venture forth from my heart to carry out mischief. It would send energy this way and that to overturn or block whatever Kundalini was doing to help me. Given my living just a short drive from the residence of the physical source of the etheric invasion, it was -- and continues to be -- easy for her to send additional energy into my solar plexus from outside my body to then spread throughout me to do her bidding. This is one of the great skills of the succubus. They are exceptional astral travelers. They have a split identity between their physical and subtle beings. Their subtle ego is tremendously resilient. Though I tightened my abdominal muscles to deflect her, she cheated and the hot irritating energy would skirt the bindu point above my belly button and enter my stomach by going around the outer edges of my abdominal muscles. Prana had only ever come to me via the front door, the solar plexus bundu point. But the succubus has no such manners or decency. I thought to myself, "The cheating, lying bitch!" But "all is fair in love and war," correct? :(
When I saw that Kundalini's efforts were failing me the next day, on Good Friday 2019, and with the succubus' appearing to be making progress in its attempt to break the chakras of my mind and solar plexus, I made travel plans to leave for Hawaii, 2600 miles away, departing the very next morning. Though the etheric drama continued there (and subsequently in Australia), it was at a much more manageable level, and my mental and physical functioning were able to proceed almost normally.
It was I who had invited the girl into my heart. Given our age difference and my position as a teacher, I never had the opportunity to clarify or evaluate her intentions in the months and years preceding this psychic catastrophe. I had given the girl the key to my being without performing due dilligence. I was lonely, spiritually alienated due to a 25-year seemingly unresolveable EMF sensitivity, and fascinated by the girl's energetic capacity. Whatever my sob story or claimed extenuating circumstance was, in Kundalini's view I still had to assume some responsibility. Hence, perhaps, the delay and insufficiency of support provided, and the pressure upon me to take more ownership over the etheric cleanup necessary within me.
Blocks over taps. I could write a novel about this. Just about every part of the body produces some subtle essence from which the succubus might feed. I have no idea how this happens. Kundalini had been only about providing me with additional energy so that I might become a conduit for a permanent energetic shift to a higher vibrational state. Somehow, the succubus accomplishes precisely the opposite. She lifts energy from you. It's intolerable. It's like you might eat 20 pounds of food; and the result of all that physiologic labor to digest and distill the energy results in, say, a gram of subtle essence. Well, it's that gram of spiritual food that the succubus wants, and she takes it. It leaves you feeling empty, devitalized, and, if severe enough, hopeless and disconnected from your higher potential. This "feeding" I call "taps." You can feel it as a small energetic pressure or muscular tightening over or within a particular area. It could be the testicles, the coccyx area, where the spinal cord enters the brain, or even at the hip socket. There have been times that I have been weak and the succubus has attempted to tap my entire brachial plexus. It was brutal. I felt like I was dying. What Kundalini did, and continues to do, is place "blocks" over the succubus' taps, rendering them useless to her. It is literally two subtle energy presences within me dueling it out.
As I have stated before, the succubus' capacity to maintain her negative activity within me reduces greatly with distance. I have found that 2600 miles away results in a three-quarters or 75% reduction, while 9000 miles decreases her strength by another two-thirds for an overall potency of 1/12th or 8% as powerful in terms of establishing etheric dominion as she had been when I am here in southern California. This is in relation to the etheric reinforcements she sends from her body. But the heart anchor is something of a different matter. Her presence there is more resilient. The heart appears to possess or actually be some kind of portal that transcends space and time, enabling the succubus to carry out abuse regardless of where I am. But without the additional subtle energy to supplement it, the harm she is capable of is greatly reduced. I will be studying this closely over time. There must be some weakness here that I can exploit. It is my intention to break free.
Pituitary to brachial plexus. This happened a couple of days after I first took the drug hydroxizine in early June 2019. The drug had been recommended as a sleep aid, though its primary use is to treat body itching and to reduce anxiety. I took two 25mg pills in an effort to sleep. The trazodone had been effective, but I wanted to see what other drugs might do for me. The hydroxyzine triggered a reaction that persisted for about a week in me where a sensation of pin pricks was felt throughout my body. I perceived them all over the surface as well as deep within me. They were painful little stabs, like someone taking a sewing needle and pressing down upon a couple thousand places in my body, slowly, methodically, one at a time, every five or ten seconds, 24 hours per day. It was crazy. Everything was involved: my fingertips, legs, brain, forehead and, most especially, my lungs and whatever deep tissues lay beneath the sternum. My chest roiled when the drug took effect there. For a good half an hour, in particular, I thought that I would experience respiratory failure. It was as if I couldn't breath. I thought I was going to die, and I swore never to take the drug again, a pledge I was faithful to until the night of September 18 when the succubus mounted an all out attack on my heart muscle and I almost died again. Hydroxyzine, apparently, attacks the "histamine" receptors in the body, hence its ability to reduce the itchiness attending body rashes. In my case, with an augmented nervous system, it is clear that there is a spiritual conductivity function associated with all these so-called receptor sites. Science may have identified a certain limited "histamine" function in them (whatever that is); but I assure you, these nervous system receptor cells are responsible for a whole lot more than that.
The hydroxyzine thoroughly trashed the spiritual conductivity of my entire nervous system. It was appalling. A couple of hours after I took the pills, I sensed the succubus' glee as she crouched in my heart observing the ongoing catastrophe. What had been a strong, healthy Kundalini ringtone in my ears was reduced to the barest of squeaks, almost indiscernible, and only in the right ear. My spiritual strength, especially in the brachial plexus, had been razed to the ground. I think this was on a Saturday night. I felt so out of my wits the following day that I cancelled a drive I had planned to a favorite hiking area in the San Gabriel Mountains. There was only one other time in my life that I had cancelled something on account of my state of consciousness. It was when I was in college and had ingested a marijuana brownie. I felt the need to cancel a flight that I had scheduled for that evening. It may be hard to fathom if your consciousness has never been compromised, but I remember distinctly doubting that I would have the wherewithal to place my foot on the brake pedal when my car came to a stop sign. Similarly, under the influence of hydroxizine, I felt that all of my faculties were compromised. My energy level had flatlined. It is hard to describe, but I felt unable to form a purposeful response to any sensory input. So it was not until noon that day that I rolled out of bed. But my grogginess and listlessness persisted for the rest of the day. I had never in my life felt so depressed. Anyway, I slept okay that night and went to work as expected of me the following day.
It was Monday night that something extraordinary happened. I was on the edge of sleep, with my conscious mind loosing its control, when Kundalini sprang into action. I felt etheric energy throughout my body concentrate in my head with a strong vibration arising at my pituitary gland. It was like a laser beam from this gland, as my back stiffened and my head bowed down toward my chest. Like a strobe of heightened energy, the beam went left to right, right to left, sweeping back and forth across my chest from nipple to nipple. There was a deep penetration into the deeper recesses of my thorax. Wherever the hydroxyzine had done its damage, the pituitary gland directed etheric energy into that area to repair it. This went on for 30-45 seconds and then stopped, with my back and neck relaxing their taut state.
While the healing was not 100%, the Kundalini sound in my ears strengthened, and some feelings of coherence and resonance returned to my chest. Though still plagued by my succubus trespasser, I was able to witness yet another sponteneous healing response on the part of Kundalini.
Here is a definition of Histamine (*): "Histamine is an organic nitrogenous compound involved in local immune responses, as well as regulating physiological function in the gut and acting as a neurotransmitter for the brain, spinal cord, and uterus. Histamine is involved in the inflammatory response and has a central role as a mediator of itching. As part of an immune response to foreign pathogens, histamine is produced by basophils and by mast cells found in nearby connective tissues. Histamine increases the permeability of the capillaries to white blood cells and some proteins, to allow them to engage pathogens in the infected tissues. It consists of an imidazole ring attached to an ethylamine chain; under physiological conditions, the amino group of the side-chain is protonated." Clearly, given the complexity of histamine's function, any nerve cell facilitating this process is most likely also capable of much more subtle and profound activities.
I imagine that the negative etheric energy introduced by the succubus would be treated as a "foreign pathogen" by the body's immune system. Given the integral nature of histamines to the immune system, anything that damages or limits the functioning of histamines will also impede the body's efforts to protect itself from the succubus' destructive energies. If you can avoid doing so, I suggest that you avoid taking anti-histamines such as hydroxyzine. Prior to 1994 I was not able to perceive, on a conscious level, manmade EMF. But this lack of awareness did not mean that EMF were not harmful to me. Similarly, if you can, I would suggest your avoiding histamine-inhibiting products because there are likely other important and more subtle functions that such products interfere with, whether you are conscious of them or not.
It is May 2021 that I am coming back here to add or clarify a few items. Just about every etheric event of the past 19 months since I began this entry can be filed under the category of "subtle immune system response." To wrap up this particular section, I'll complete just a couple more items. More can be found elsewhere in these pages.
What is a kriya? It is the mechanical movement of a particular area of the body such that a foreign or pathogenic energy is dislodged.
Let me step back a moment. You may have heard of Reiki, or energy healing. Usually it is done in close proximity, for example, with the Reiki practicioner standing over a client laying supine on a raised table, holding her hands above the client's body a foot or two. No physical contact is needed. But I have heard that there are quite a few healing sessions that take place at hundreds or even thousands of miles distance. All that may be needed is a voice on the phone, a photograph, or a lock of hair to enable the connection. While I believe that most organisms, like humans, are inherently benign or "positive," it is possible to have the reverse occur. Life force can be depleted under the right circumstances. I remember as a child reading about the energy directed by one of the great pyramids in Egypt. A healing energy went to the location of the king's chamber. But the opposite energy (being split and channeled by the pyramid's apex) was directed to a different location. With respect to the succubus, or someone skilled in dark arts, this splitting or diverting may be a result of intentionality. For the succubus, it is probably a more organic distinction than that. Ultimately, life and death, being and nonbeing, are the same thing; and the succubus operates on a level of consciousness very close to the realization of this fact. But whatever the case, she is capable of drawing energy out of you and causing a man's premature death.
So, especially during the first nine months of my subtle infestation, I performed ear and brain kriyas. There would be a negative tension in my ear canal that was associated with a false heartbeat sound or, as I often called it, "noise." This was in contrast to the clear harmonic of a high Kundalini ring sound in my ears. Especially, in the left ear, both the succubus' "noise" and Kundalini's clear blessing tone would be present at the same time. When more of her force was present in the ear, the K sound would no longer be discernible, and all there would be was noise. I didn't appreciate the encroachment of her presence into my waking consciousness, so I would do whatever I could to weaken her grip there. I would cock my head to the side, with gravity weighing down on the ear canal, and start to shake my head. As I shook more vigorously, I would feel an etheric lesion along lengths of my ear canal, surrounding boney material, and the jaw nerve on the left side that goes up from the throat, through the jaw, and on into the ear canal. As this area rattled, I would feel her grip loosen and break off, and along with it, the artificial noise she had introduced. There was actually a sense of weight and blight that lifted from me as the succubus lost her connection.
I employed similar strategies to reduce tension in the cerebellum and medulla areas. The succubus would send wads of energy up from my heart through the spinal cord at my upper back. The energy would glob onto the base of my brain, making it impossible to relax enough to sleep. I would hold my neck taut and shake my head side to side and back and forth in order to reduce the negative energy's grip on me. While helpful, I didn't like the jarring sensation in my brain. Also, given my close proximity to the source female's body, and her ability to hi-jack my heart's native energy, it was quite easy for her to replenish the energy that I had dissipated with this mechanical intervention. Sadly, the only effective strategy, short of Divine Assistance, was for me to take Trazodone. The Trazodone would give me nausea and dizziness that would last for hours, during which time the succubus' energy wads could not stick to the base of my brain. I could fall to sleep, praise God. But the succubus did have a backup strategy of causing my heart to race or beat too strongly which, if severe enough, could make it very difficult to sleep, despite the energy in my head being released. Luckily, she didn't pursue this strategy often, and it rarely proved a barrier to sleep, though it was concerning, to be sure.
There is another instance I wish to recount. I was walking on campus one day in September 2019. I was with one of my special needs students. All of a sudden I felt pain in my crown and an energy coming down through me. I almost blacked out on the spot. I never had anything quite like that before. Sure, I had had plenty of contact with the descending force, that some call Grace. But normally it was when I was on the edge of dream state with my feet elevated, or at 4:00am, also with my consciousness very much unfixed. I had never before felt something like this while alert, walking, and in the middle of the day. Within the hour I felt a new Kundalini "torso block" established over my frontal line. From my throat to my prostate, six to eight inches in front of me, I felt an etheric shield put into place that rebuffed the girl's incursions into me. The nickel-sized heart anchor was reduced in force, as well. I'd say it was just 10% as responsive to the girl as it had been just hours earlier. The succubus had been plying me with etheric energy throughout the day. Sometimes, when I was on the edge of sleep, there would be a large ball of energy -- in the form of anxiety -- in front of my solar plexus that she pushed into me, making sleep impossible. But now, with this etheric shield in place, her subtle extensions could not reach me. I felt them rebuffed, unable to disrupt the calm and joy that is my natural state. Kundalini's gift of protection, however, lasted but a few days. The succubus was so intent on harming me, hour after hour, that she finally broke through. I knew then that, if this was the best God could do to protect me, that I would never be safe living so close -- just 20 miles -- from this girl. I'd have to move a good 2,000 miles or more away. Within days of this block being breached, I had the inflammation event that followed a night where the succubus maintained such a brutal rate and force of heart beat all night long that my body's seeming only defense left to it was to cause an enlargening of the principal arteries, so as to better absorb the tremendous etheric discordance being channeled through them. Since that time, for the past nearly two years, I have not been able to stand for long without blood pooling in my legs, causing them to "sleep" or feel clogged. My circulatory system now is sluggish, but at least the etheric trauma has a weakened foothold in me, as well.
Kundalini Reduces Succubus' Strength Within Me By 50%
I would like to say that this was long overdue, but who am I to say what is and what is not to be expected when a man flirts with and lands an astral body? As I write this on November 8, 2019, I am relieved to report that last night the succubus' capacity to harm my heart and mind was reduced by half, making it possible for me to sleep without medication despite the succubus' throwing everything at me that she could: heart shocks, off beats, misfirings, heart racing, blobs of anxiety sent to solar plexus and chest, excess energy sent to medulla, cerebellum, crown, and frontal lobes, erections and strong cravings for sexual release in the testicles and vas deferens, et cetera.
There are many things to say about this. One is that soon I will have lived with a foreign subtle presence within me for nine months. There may be something to that duration of time. Just as a fetus takes nine months before she is ready to leave the womb, it may be that the astral body or the succubus, if they are unable to complete their mission within a specified timeframe, lose their capacity to bond with (or destroy) their male host. I don't know if this is true, but it is a possibility.
It could also be the case that I have been brought close to the edge of cardiac failure; with Kundalini deciding, at the last minute, to help. Perhaps the succubus's intention to kill me was viewed as an overreach, and hence an attempt was made to delay my demise. I am safer now, but by no means relaxed or free. The succubus, being the expert subtle actor that she is, stands at the threshold between you and your unconscious mind. To get to sleep you have to pass through her. It still takes a lot of work to sleep; and the nightly battle that occurs each time I approach sleep remains something I dread. The heart racing, backfires, and thuds are still there, as well as the extensions of disruptive energy into my brain, but all of these negative symptoms are more muted now -- sufficiently so that with some effort I can ignore them and sleep.
This good news notwithstnading, even with Kundalini's help, I remain in a subtle clusterfuck. But this state of affairs is an improvement. I cling to the hope that things somehow, mysteriously, will improve even more. If the diminishment of the succubus' energetic functioning within me continues, and this subtle disruptor remains unable to breach the defensive actions Kundalini has taken inside and around me, then my future is bright.
I share this decline of the succubus' strength with mixed feelings. I came back from my hike last night contemplating the extraordinary joy and sensory fulfillment I felt, vicariously, when this girl made love for the first time during that first week last February. As I reported in a 41 minute voice memo made last night, the girl had hogtied me psychically. On the subtle level, I felt everything she felt. I was shocked and disappointed to be dragged through the whole affair. When I have intense psychic experiences, usually an image comes to mind that describes them. In this case, with my chest and solar plexus rocked by her sexual engagement with her newfound lover, I pictured her ecstatic state as an iridescent, golden hued woman standing fifty feet tall, emitting a continuous shout of exaltation from her lips. It was a vibration sent out into the world of complete sensory fulfillment. It was magnificent. She was magnificent. What she felt was breathtaking. But I was not a part of it, at least not directly. I had been reduced to an easily ignored subtle appendage of her being that got to feel whatever she felt, and who might receive some table scraps from her directly after she had had several hours of uninterrupted coitus. I had to feel everything she experienced, but it was never about "me" or even "us." It was always about her. And her minor intentional stimulations of me were feeble compared to my many experiences of Kundalini-Shakti.
My point is that there was and is an extraordinary potential in this girl, but she chose the wrong guy to place her astral body into. She should have known better. I am unfinished; and I am claimed already by the Mother Goddess. I cannot and will not exchange my spiritual path for sexual stimulation and some subpar subtle experiences from her. Maybe the girl knew that her astral body would never find an appropriate home in the world, and that regardless of the cost or the downside, she wanted to have it inside of me, imperfect though I was. Before all this started, earlier in February of this year, I had felt her reach out to her soon-to-be lover on the subtle level, with blasts of subtle energy. There was no response, and she stopped trying. But I was responsive to the smallest whisper from her. Hence, perhaps, the decision to split off. I would have her astral body, and this much younger boy would have her physical form. This is nothing I would have agreed to, but I was never asked. Like my own spiritual lack of fulfillment, the girl's loss of her astral body is a tragedy. I know what incredible fulfillment she is capable of experiencing through it. And now that it is gone, and likely, too, her succubus form, she will be left only with her physical body. It's like taking a mountain lion and clipping it's tail, de-clawing it, and removing the teeth. It's a tremendous loss of depth and power. I feel great sorrow for her. But the bottom line is she has no business inside of me. She has trespassed. It is her mistake. The karma of this decision is hers to bear.
I believe what triggered this most recent Kundalini action was my near defenselessness the preceding Sunday night. I had been drained and tapped most of the day, barely able to think at all. I was exhausted and had a tremendous desire to sleep. I assumed a horizontal position with the lights out by 8pm. Immediately my heart began to race, thud, and misfire. I was resolved not to take drugs. So I laid there for three hours tossing and turning, trying to ignore the storm in my chest. The heart is a psychic transmitter and receiver of the signal we call God. What the succubus did was introduce psychic "noise" or "static" that interfered with the transmission. The heart should beat calmly and with zero notice to your conscious mind as you seek the peace and renewal of sleep. The succubus' disturbance is obvious when it starts. The beats are stronger than they should be, resulting in reverberations throughout the body. The disturbance gathers momentum such that an hour or two into it, you feel that the heart is being tossed like a shoe in a clothes dryer. While, luckily I did not feel pain, by the end of the three hours, I was certain that I could not bear much more of this. But I was resolved to stand my ground here in the California desert near my spiritual adversary, even if it meant my death. I thought to myself, "If God is allowing this abuse, then what is there to do?"
But it wasn't just the heart that was being attacked. There were a few times that I approached sleep despite the disorienting thuds inside me. Without missing a step, the succubus continued her offensive, sending wads of negative energy to my cerebellum and frontal lobes to disrupt my access to sleep. A subtle wave of anxiety was thrust into my solar plexus that forced me into a fearful, fretting state of consciounsess. So it was that I took the drug Trazodone at 11pm and again at 12:30am. in order to sleep.
There has been a feeling of increased oddness, detachment, and a general physiologic lightness the last few days. Then yesterday morning as I readied myself for work, I was hit with a half-an-hour of anxiety at my solar plexus and heart racing. The sucubus sensed something, and was alarmed, thus my symptoms. The door for her -- her access to me -- appeared to be closing. I have been feeling lighter in my coccyx area and along my spinal cord. There is normally much more drag there, due to another consciousness hitching a ride on me. But since this Monday, there has been an increased sense of lightness and freedom along my subtle pathways.
How did Kundalini reduce the succubus' etheric strength within me? It is a mystery to me, as what happened did not involve any obvious fireworks. It was unlike the incident in early September, where Kundalini forced itself down through my crown while I was wide awake at work, and that almost triggered a blackout in me, but was sufficient to create a protective shield over my frontal line from prostate to my thyroid, and across to both nipples. Unfortunately, this earlier protection was breached through intense effort on the part of the succubus.
This is the first time I've been able to sit comfortably in the nine months since I've been been invaded. There is far less tension in my coccyx area. Also, the incurions into my solar plexus, that are facilitated by a seated position, are the weakest they have been since March. The fake heart beat sound, and the control of my heart itself, as of Sunday, November 10, at 10:00am, are both the weakest they have been in a very long while. My BPM at the gym on the treadmill (set to the steepest incline possible) was just 86-89 instead of 100-105, due to the decreased etheric pressure placed upon me. I am glad I have never been angry at this girl. It is my hope that God is stepping in to break up or moderate this fight/disagreement.
Dialing Down The Connection, But At What Price?
It's Monday, November 11, 2019 as I write this. Last night, for an hour that began at about 3:00am, God was dialing up and dialing down the strength of the connection to the divine that is present in my heart. There was a corresponding increase and decrease in the vigor of the succubus' false heart beat sound in my left ear, as well as Kundalini's etheric immune response ringtone in both ears, but especially the right ear. A million thoughts and feelings passed through my mind as I laid there. It appeared that God was offering me an expulsion of the succubus, but at the cost of my own connection to the divine. The succubus is there because, in a way, she belongs there. It is likely the case that the only thing that can evict her is for a greater energy presence to take root in me that displaces (or transforms) her. Any other resolution would come with a cost to my own spiritual capacity.
There came a moment when the false heart beat was the tiniest and the weakest it could be. I scrunched my nose so that I could sense the pressure differential between the young girl's consciousness and my own that always registers in my ear canals. It is like two barometer readings separated by the thin rubber of a balloon. I had never felt her presence weaker in me. I could barely sense it. Any further diminishment and she'd be gone. But at the same time, God -- my connection to the Divine -- seemed to be disappearing. Was this the price I would have to pay in order to be free of her? To lose my heightened awareness of God? I was not sure. I did not want to take the chance. It seemed like an outsized fee for resolving the unexpected and foolhardy plunge into my being that this girl had performed. I mean, I had been struggling with this quest -- with this heightened connection alive in me -- for the past thirty-three years -- for twice as long as she had been alive. Was my entire raison d'etre to be abandoned on account of this spiritual mishap? I thought to myself, "No, absolutely not." I would rather live with spiritual antagonism in my life, but maintain my connection to the Divine, than to be free of this unwanted energy and attention but find myself alone spiritually in the world.
I reflected, I would rather have this negative energetic presence nipping at me day and night -- with at least the possibility of a permanent resolution that maintains the vitality of my spiritual connection -- than the absence of both the succubus and my own spiritual aspirations. To feel empty, as if God is not there at my side at all times, would be akin to death. I resolved to do everything I can, within reason, to avoid such an outcome. My hope is that this negative astral enmeshment is something I can live with. It's been a week now since I last took prescription drugs to sleep. This is the longest I have gone without drugs since coming back to California from Hawaii in late May. As long as the strain on my heart is not too great, I am okay with this. But the ongoing price of not resolving this matter is high. I spent two hours this morning with my heart beat controlled by her. Creative thought was nearly impossible, reflecting a tap or block to the energetic centers governing the brain. There was an etheric cloud over my solar plexus in particular. I felt energy lifting out of me, with a corresponding sense of ennui that lasted from 6am till 8am when she stopped. But now, nearly another three hours later, my spirits have improved. My etheric body is much more under my control, and I am able to think and aspire. As long as I have access to these "good times," I suppose I can tolerate the daily downtime that comes with not cutting off our connection. A spiritual portal in the heart was opened by the descending force that fateful evening 25 years ago in 1994. My heart and body were opened to the world around me unlike anything I had experienced before. I believe that it is critical that I honor that connection, and keep it accessible, despite an unwanted guest taking up residence there.
Other thoughts came to mind, all of which bear on the scales of justice employed by our Creator last night. Whose resolve and commitment are the greatest -- mine or the succubus'? Should I have remained in Hawaii in May, never returning to California after having fled an area of greater etheric control for the succubus? Would I have avoided the heart control, circulatory distention, and reliance on pharmaceuticals to sleep had I refused to return to my position as a teacher in California? Was it the right thing to do to place my birth mother in a higher order of consideration than Spirit Itself? It was my mother who demanded that I return. She would have nothing to do with my abandoning her and my career. She threw such a fit. I was stunned at her obstinance and refusal to consider my suffering. My mother is in her mid-70s and has medical conditions that require assistance. I am the only family member in the area; and I am the only family member who has the time to be of support. Just two weeks ago, for example, I drove her to an emergency room to have some troubling symptoms diagnosed. She was grateful. She has no one else to help her but me. I have an obligation to her. My spiritual path, if I am to have one, must, in my view, thread its way through the labyrinth of my obligations. Also, here in California, I earn $40,000 more per year than I would if I returned to teach in Hawaii. The difference would be even greater in Florida. The extra income allows for many things, including my paying back several loans made by mother to me over the past decade, including $60K for my EMF enclosure and a good $100K for other things, including the moneypit that is the vacant land I own in the high desert (four miles from the nearest cell tower). I would have to stop or reduce these payments were I to relocate somewhere else (e.g., Hawaii, Florida, or Alaska, all 2000 miles or more away from my current location).
I invited a greater spiritual potential within me 34 years ago in 1985. Should I throw that potential away just because of an unwanted etheric presence operating within me now? Apparently, at my request, God did not evict the succubus last night. But the question remains, How long can I persist in this halfway house I find myself in? I am 54. Can my path wait till I am 70, at which point I will be able to retire with sufficient income that I may live in distant lands such as Australia for half the year, with an ability safely to open the valve on my heart connection and let God do what He needs to do? I've already discovered that California is not safe for me, hence the need to "dial down" my heart connection. But in order to achieve a permanent Self-transcnendence, won't I need to have my connection to Source dialed "up" to the maximum amount possible? A couple of two-week vacations each year in some distant area may very well not be sufficient to accomplish the task at hand. I need to be wherever I determine to be safe on a permanent and not a transitory basis. Kundalini does make changes to my base level psychic functioning, but typically this is in response to longterm, not short-term trends.
Love Charge Through Circulatory System
Feeling stuck in my relationship with the succubus, I went to bed the night of November 11 begging for Divine assistance. It seemed that God had released the pressure valve in my heart, meaning that the succubus was now able to occupy more fully my circulatory system. I am sure this was better for her, but my veins were much more distended than I wanted them to be. It was only at 8pm or so, when I think she finally went to sleep, that the bulging veins returned to normal. It always comes as a relief when her attention is taken off me.
I doubted my physiology's capacity to withstand the succubus' abuse over the next year or, Heaven forbid, my retirement 16 years hence when I might be free to live in a foreign land, like Australia, several thousands of miles away. If nothing were done to alleviate this internal pressure caused by my heart remaining wide open to the subtle world around me -- a world that includes this young girl's etheric energies -- I thought that the chances of my suffering a stroke or heart failure would be great. The psychological burden of wrestling with a hostile etheric energy three-times more powerful than me takes a great toll on my sense of wellbeing as well. I haven't felt well, free, energetic or optimistic since the astral body's implantation into me nine months ago.
What I prayed for was that this girl, whose astral body I had rejected, would come to forgive me; and if incapable of forgiveness, then hopefully being able to see the value of keeping me alive. Maybe there was a way to soften her feelings about me, enough so that my body and mind might carry on a while more. Was there a way for her to inhabit me in a less damaging manner? I did not know, so I asked for God's help.
At 3:00am I found my veins distended considerably. She was definitely roosting within me. I focused for fifteen minutes or so on the energetic presence, at which point a mild surge of love coursed through my circulatory system. It was just a second or two. It was a single pulse or charge of love that travelled through every part of my being that carried blood. My etheric visitor sensed this and responded with an energy burst to my chest going down into my solar plexus, followed by an erection. The etheric blast came from outside of me, like a wind to my chest and going down from there. She had been able to do this, with a similar energy movement, in the two years prior to the astral body taking root in me.
The love charge was important. Firstly, I had never experienced this before. I imagine that it was only one percent as strong as it would be in a state of whole body enlightenment where likely some kind of light or Self-awareness is activated within the heart. But also, it showed this young girl that, at the end of the day, I bear her no ill will, nor does God who made the surge possible. While I don't know the consequences of this exchange, I have difficulty seeing it as anything but positive, "positive," meaning a deepening of self undertanding for both of us.
Abdomen Touched By God
During the first half of July 2019, God came to me a couple of times with an intention to release me from my bondage. I just had to put forth good effort and perhaps I'd be free. The problem is that I felt overwhelmed by the succubus, very much a prisoner, and I believe that she had the power to kill me if she chose, primarily through an attack on my heart. I was afraid to make a run for it when I was in a geographical area that she was so dominant in. So, without getting into details, I gave God a half-assed effort, and since I was on summer vacation, decided to return to Hawaii where I had been just two months earlier, for what I hoped to be my final "showdown" with the succubus.
In Hawaii I prayed and meditated with an earnestness I had not demonstrated since the months leading up to the initial opening of my being to the descending force of Kundalini in 1994. I sought a change of consciousness based on love and oneness, as opposed to the anger God had shown me on at least one occasion. Anger did not come easily to me, which is probably a weakness of mine. I used to feel a cathartic "righteous anger" more often many years ago. Nowadays I have more of a stoical self-pity, which is not terribly helpful, especially when God tends to reward those demontrating daring leaps of faith.
I was laying on my hotel room bed, sobbing. I begged for forgiveness. I prayed for release. I asked God for help. I knew that God is capable of miracles. Then, out of the blue, I felt the lightest of touches on the outside of my abdomen. It was a couple of inches to the right and below my belly button. It was like the glance of a baby's finger. There were no fireworks attending the feeling. But within minutes I felt courage, faith, and strength grow in me. Not radically, but my spirits were lifted and I felt I could continue with this path.
The "weight" of this touch, if etheric energy has a weight, was about one-tenth of a gram. If I compare this to the nearly 1000-pound force of the descending current that I felt thirty-five years ago [make link], I can only imagine what miracles, powers, et cetera are made available to the aspirant under my earlier, much more auspicious (and naive) conditions. I also want to point to the faintness of what I perceived to be God's touch. You have to listen for and be open to such things to make the most of their potential. It also brings to mind something about the intentionality of the Divine. It responded. It acted. But the question arises, "who" or "what" is doing the acting? I suppose you could say it is all the "Self," or the "Divine." Whatever the case, it is definitely an intelligence at work.
Parasite Versus Healthy Development
The appearance of the succubus has been such a monumental problem that it is hard for me to call it a positive development. But God created all this psychic and spiritual capacity, so there must be a good reason for the existence of everything we find in this space.
As an analogy, mold and fungus attack and destroy organisms that are already weakened. On my mountain hikes I see hundreds of trees 500 years old or more that are being taken down by mistletoe. These trees are majestic, and many appear to be in their prime. They should not be succumbing to parasites at this time. But they are. Whose fault is it that heavy metals are being sprayed on them that turn the soil alkaline, cause the roots not to uptake nutrients, cause the plants to restrict breathing and the production of oxygen, and destroy the ozone layer that enables an excess of ultraviolet radiation to reach the plants? You could say it's Satan-worshipping miltary contractors and the artificial intelligence systems they have created who are at fault. But it's also the billions of people who look up at the sky every day and choose not to notice the ecocide being wrought upon them. In other words, bees, wild mammals, insects, and majestic plants are dying off -- and it is humanity's fault that this is happening. Is God stepping in to avert this calamity. No. At least not directly or immediately.
So who is to say that my own demise is any different? I am unilluminated because of my near death experiences in 1995 whereby I was forced to conduct manmade EMF on account of the build-up of a specialized hormonal fluid secreted by my heart. I was incapacitated by this and did everything in my power to limit my being's further spiritual development. Remaining employed and sane became my overriding goal.
In an ideal world, the succubus's role would be one of cannibalizing failed spiritual aspirants, men who had chosen lust rather than God, despite once having dedicated their lives to God and granted special powers by God. These would be men who had been chosen by God, but then turned their backs on God. I may or may not have fallen into this category. While it had been eighteen years since I had last had a kiss or intimate relations with a woman, I still had not consummated my "relationship" with God by way of self-transcendence. And, I had spent the past two years in subtle foreplay with a young girl. Although I would disagree with this determination, perhaps in God's eyes, I was just so much fodder for a succubus to dispose of as she wished. This assessment would require an ignoring of my true intentions, and the broader environmental plight that I find myself in. Although unfair, who is to say what "fair" is? Has God shown "mercy" to the 500 year old sequoias and other evergreens that I see dying all over the San Gabriel Mountains due to artificially-induced drought and heavy metal contamination? Why should I expect or deserve a different fate?
The following observation goes back to the first and only week that the girl's astral body lived within me, prior to my evicting it only to have it replaced by its succubus form. The astral body, once implanted, became immediately hooked up with my own body's Kundalini-development resources. For example, my testicles were compelled to produce an augmented essence to fuel the growth of the small being that now dwelled in my abdomen. At the time of eviction, this small etheric human form was just four inches tall, but it was growing larger each day. My testicles, in response to their new directive, became larger by a third, perhaps a half, and their consistency puffy. Both of the changes --in size and consistency -- were in marked contrast to the consistent firmness and size of my testicles during the first few years of my initial awakening. What my testicles were forced to do for the astral body did not seem natural to me. It felt forced and unnatural. While I may be reading more negatives into the state of my balls than necessary, I don't see any reason why the astral body, were its placement desirable within me, should require anything different than my own body's needs in the course of Kundalini development, as reflected in my sexual organ's width and firmness. I found the sponge-like quality of my testes at this time to be repulsive -- a deformity, if you will. If I hadn't felt my psyche so threatened by this ascendent intruder, and had I had an absolutely loving, trusting, and intellectually transparent relationship with the source of the small but growing etheric being, my view on the state of my testicles would not be so full of doubt.
Another way of looking at this is that my testicles were a backup plan for driving the growth of an astral body. The astral body is meant to be implanted into the body of a whole body enlightened man whose consciousness resides in his chest. With a chest radiating with downward flowing Grace from above the crown, the astral body, under ideal conditions, takes its energy and sustenance from the brachial plexus and heart that are being supercharged by the Infinite Source above, or at the very least, the combined flows of these upward and downward flows that cycle through the body, being amplified and released at the brachial plexus. So the comparatively meager draw on my testicles was quite likely a form of "life support" or "starvation rations" for an astral body marooned in a world lacking sufficient life force to support its optimal development.
Shift Downward
It's late November 2019 and it's been two months since Kundalini adapted my circulatory system to withstand the horrific abuse of my heart muscle caused by the succubus. I've been in survival mode during this time, full of doubt that I would live to see the other side of this challenging period. The fact that such an etheric attack is possible, and so resistant to intervention, even to an advanced and hardy spiritual practitioner as myself, is a sobering thought. Let mine be a cautionary tale to you.
Basically I am a good person, and God means well. So what the hell happened? There is quite a bit of backstory that I hope to share at some point. The fact that a resolution to my dilemma has been so long in the making points to there being a tremendous amount of positive potential between a man and a woman. A relationship of the sort intended by this girl is indeed possible. I believe she meant, at least initially, for our bodies and spirits to be one; but social and internal developmental pressures got the better of her, and I was left with her psyche. I found the splitting of my being in this relationship intolerable, especially given the lack of explicit communication between us, so I rejected it. I was not ready for an astral body in any event, having not consummated my own relationship to Goddess / Grace / Divine Descent -- or whatever you wish to call this physiologic flowering. So even though I was an attractive partner and recipient for this girl's greatest gift, it was simply not to be.
But it SHOULD have been. Hence, the clusterfuck. Mostly what keeps me going on this path, as pothole-strewn as it's been, is the acquiring of knowledge to share with others. May future aspirants have an easier path to tread than my own! I do seek my own peace and salvation. The door for this must be kept open, even as my hope for a successful resolution dims at times.
Getting back to this notion of survival mode. My great goal since June of this year has been to sleep without drugs. We all need sleep. Being able to sleep trumps all other concerns. I can sleep in Florida, 2000 miles away. That is easy. But my mother does not live in Florida, nor do I have a job there. My work is here in the California desert, just a stone's throw away from my once astral body partner, now turned succubus antagonist. So I have prayed greatly while at the same time downing a good 120 psyche-destroying Trazodone pills.
God has tried a variety of things to protect me here in close proximity to the girl, but nothing has lasted more than a few days. The defenses break down as her locally sourced etheric reinforcements overcome them and my bodymind is returned to a state of near complete enslavement to her once again. But in the past two weeks God has dialed down the connection between the succubus and my heart, such that she can still thrash me, but with only 25% or half the force that she once wielded. This also means that my own access to spirit is weaker. Four to six months ago, my own internal Kundalini dynamics were far more vigorous and demonstrated almost sufficient velocity or force for me to break free of this girl's psychic stranglehold over me. The only exit strategy I have is for the Holy Spirit to wrest control over my bodymind from the succubus and give her etheric heart implant the boot. Whether or not that will happen, I do not know. But, for sure, if you are not alive, then you have no hope at all, so my intention is to stay alive, whatever the cost.
With all the drugs and the string of etheric defeats I've suffered at this girl's hands, my Kundalini activity has basically flatlined these past two months. All I've had is a strong ringing in my ears that waxes when I sleep, doing what it can -- that is never enough -- to protect my brain from intrusion. There is also a tepid Kundalini vibration throughout my body that I am able to direct toward the heart muscle and rattle her presence there a bit, but it is not one-tenth as strong as my intuition tells me that it needs to be to dislodge her.
Last night marks two nights in a row during which my wonderful, loving succubus tried to kill me, yet again. It appears that my death at her hands would help to settle the karmic score of the loss of her astral body. Perhaps, as well, it's a great nuisance for her to be trapped in a man's body who has rejected her. Perhaps my heart is like a prison to her now. My life is a constant reminder to her of the guy who hated and harm her more than anyone else has or ever will. Maybe that is what it is for her. Anyway, she tried like mad nearly all night long two nights ago to race and off-beat my heart to death. But because Kundalini had effectively diminished her power within me, it was so much "sound and fury" as the saying goes. Still, I abhor her ability to control my heart beat and heart rate, even if the force of those beats is no longer problemmatic. I imagine, even with this reduced stress, that there is a limit to which my heart is able to bear this hostile commandeering. As well, as I drove to work yesterday morning there was a good ten-minute bout of malicious etheric pressure placed upon my sino-atrial node. The succubus has tried on numerous occasions to snuff out my life force there at the heart directly; but even from her position of relative strength within me, she has not been able to pull it off. Yet. The sino-atrial node attack did cause some pain. It came as a great relief when she finally withdrew her attention.
Every night I go to bed praying for continued spiritual intervention. I pray also for assistance and healing to be granted to the succubus and all other beings that I care for. Last night was a repeat, but the succubus' control was greater than usual, with the quickness of the beats considerably more rapid than I am accustomed to. I felt mild pain and a flash of anxiety go through me. The succubus smelled defeat in the ethers and renewed her attacks. I prayed more and set my mind upon my heart with an intention to protect it. By God's Grace, the intensity of succubus' control decreased markedly over a ten minute period, and I was soon able to find sleep. The succubus didn't come back to bother me till some minor sensations around 3:00-4:00am.
It is my belief that the succubus is coming to learn that I am not to be killed, or at least not quickly or easily. She hasn't quite figured it out yet, but I think that understanding is beginning to dawn upon her. Last night was the first time that I actively participated in the restriction of her presence within me. Apart from a short period of mild heart control this morning, she hasn't been much involved with me today. I wasn't sure about it, however, as I felt flat and deenergized. I could have been tapped in some way by her, or this sensation of weariness could presage a psychic breakthrough. Happily, it is the latter.
Three hours into a rather dismal morning, I felt a need to lay down. Just a couple of minutes into a restful horizontal position, I felt a mild energy wash over me and my heart muscle tug down upon my brain. I suddenly felt hopeful and reenergized. This was the first time in over two months that a force of any type had exerted itself to ground my mind into my chest. I do believe that this is what is needed to integrate my subconscious energies with my conscious mind and grant me a force of being strong enough to regain control over my etheric body. This was not the much greater force that is available through the descent of energy through the crown. It is perhaps a subset of that, and certainly a movement in the right direction. Nothing of this sort has occurred in me in quite a while. The succubus dominates my heart the vast majority of the time. Any move on the part of the heart to reassert my own control is a welcome event. So I am delighted. Maybe there is a path forward here at my mother's house so close to the succubus after all. Praise the Lord!
Amrita Nadi, Succubus-Style
The conscious functioning of the subtle nerve channel, the Amrita Nadi, is said to define heart-centered consciousness, or whole-body enlightenment. I haven't given this channel much thought, however. Either you are living as an embodiment of Spirit, or you are not. If you are dedicated to a path that is leading you -- and all beings -- to ultimate release, then the Amrita Nadi -- and the tens of thousands of other "nadis" present in the human body -- will perform just as God/Nature intended. There shouldn't be much of a need to consider it apart from everything else in the aspirant's life.
As I write this on November 24, 2019, it was perhaps two months ago that the succubus breached the exterior of my thymus gland for the first time. Prior to this, she had at every opportunity smothered the gland with noxious, suffocating etheric energy. But there came a time where her energy was able to pierce the gland. The thymus registered considerable discomfort that was soon followed by pain in my crown. By "crown" I mean a two-inch diameter area directly beneath the top of your head that coincides with the "soft spot" that a baby is born with that doesn't solidify until the baby is 1-2 years old. It is that soft spot or crown through which Divine Grace descends into the body.
I didn't "feel" anything between the thymus and the crown itself. Normally when the succubus moves about, I can feel every tentacle or shift in the location of the deadening etheric ooze. But in this case there was a nonstop vault between thymus and crown that seemed to bypass normal energetic channels. My best guess is that what the succubus revealed to me was the Amrita Nadi. Unfortunately, in my case, being held hostage by this etheric invader, I am not abiding in bliss or love but rather pain.
Thinking back upon my spiritual development, my best guess is that Amrita Nadi opened in me 25 years ago when the descent of energy that gathered in my brain was sent down into my chest for the first time. Granted, the experience was one of the center of my brain connecting to the thymus gland and associated brachial nerves. It was likely the 1000-pound etheric weight that pounded me four months later that signaled the involvement of my crown. But apart from these and a handful of related experiences since then, I don't recall such an obvious and clear channel between the crown and thymus as that revealed by the succubus in September of this year. I would also like to note that whether it was the succubus moving upward, or the descending current moving downward, the amrita nadi pathway itself gives rise to no direct sensation whatsoever.
The Amrita Nadi enables what appears to be a frictionless movement of energy. It is a super highway. Whether it's the succubus moving about, or my own interactions with Spirit or higher potential, the Amrita Nadi functions like a maglev railway.
On a related note: Today marks the eighth straight day that I have not required drugs to sleep. The succubus did not disrupt me as I fell asleep last night at 9pm. However, from about 11pm to 5am, she engaged a less obtrusive than usual control of my heart beat. The beats were not pronounced. They were almost normal in force, which is my primary concern in terms of wear and tear on my circulatory system. My veins were mildly distended throughout the night. I don't know whether this is etheric force on display, or physical force. I believe the Mother Goddess told the succubus to back off from directly attacking me. Still, there is an ongoing slow drain that inhibits my achieving an etheric escape velocity. I don't know what will be the means by which I will be able to conclude this succubus business. When it does, it cannot come too soon.
Amrita Nadi, A Little Bit More
I will create a page dedicated to Amrita Nadi elsewhere, but for the time being, since these succubus pages are all I am working on, I will post additional information here. I haven't given the Amrita Nadi much thought. For the past three decades I've mostly been preoccupied with EMF consciousness; and now, for the past nine months, this attempted succubus take over of my etheric being. Having said that, I am pretty sure that the Amrita Nadi, at the very least, connects the thymus to the crown. That night in 1994 definitely involved a downward release of fluid from the center of my brain. Whether that fluid made it to the thymus I am not sure. Given the instantaneous and simultaneous nature of the events that night, I believe it was the energetic release at my brain's center that triggered the release of fluid from the thymus gland at the very same moment. If it was an ounce of fluid descending from my brain, I don't believe it could have made it to my chest without my feeling something along the way. The Amrita Nadi must be an energetic pathway, and not necessarily a lymphatic, nervous, or circulatory one. Given the intelligence and efficiency of God's design, I imagine that Amrita Nadi exists as an overlay or augmented functioning of a preexisting organic structure.
Quotes from a page at Beezone (*):
"The first night we came together here I quoted that (that verse from) particular verse from the Bagavad Gita, in which it says the life force should be resolved in the sahasrar and the mind resolved in the Heart. The epitome of the conscious activity, the ultimate event of the conscious activity is the resolution of the consciousness in the Heart, prior to thought, prior to the reflections in the mind, prior to experience, the very Self. This is the source or reality of consciousness. But the force, the manifest force, the Shakti of this Siva is generated above. So the form of reality, the form of realization is this Amrita Nadi that is generated between the true Heart, not just the heart chakra, but the living Heart of the very Self and its perfect place above, its perfect extension, above, which purely for convenience, in order to relate the whole affair to ordinary perception, we say is in the head, or we relate it to our sense of the head. But actually it has nothing to do with one's physical head, other than the fact that there is certain phenomena associated with this process that go on relative to one's physical head, but the upper terminal of Amrita Nadi is nowhere in time or space, anymore than its lower terminal, the very Heart, is in time or space."
"In that Realization there is only the absolute projection or Radiance of the Heart felt relative to this gross body as the projected line of conscious Light that moves out of the Heart, far beyond the crown, far beyond subtle phenomena."
"Thus, the line of Amrita Nadi penetrates far beyond even the highest realm. Ultimately it is not even a line, you see. It is read relative to the body as the line passing out of the Heart toward the place infinitely beyond the crown, but truly it is simply the expanse of Radiance of the infinite being…"
"S-curve of the Amrita Nadi, the open channel of light between the Heart and the point at the top of the head at which the Divine Light is intuited."
"The conventional Way of Sages is the Way of exclusive descent into the Heart, or ego death through descent in Amrita Nadi (the secret pathway between the sahasrar and the heart region)."
KCT Comment: It makes sense to me to consider the upper terminal of Amrita Nadi being "nowhere in time or space," "far beyond the crown," "far beyond subtle phenomena."
Quotes from a page at Divine Distraction (*):
"Bhagavan Adi Da almost certainly first encountered the term in Ramana Maharshi’s literature. Ramana Maharshi himself states below that he was the first one to truly differentiate the yogi/kundalini aspect of the sushumna and the realization of Amrita Nadi through the descent in the heart."
"The sushumna nadi is the channel that goes from the muladhara chakra to the sahasrara, Yogis claim that when the kundalini rises through this channel to the sahasrara, nirvikalpa samadhi results. Bhagavan Sri Ramana did not contest this, but he did say that there was a further channel that went from the sahasrara to the heart-centre. Citing such texts as these, he called it the amrita nadi or paranadi. Bhagavan state that the kundalini had to go from the sahasrara through the amrita nadi to the heart-centre for Self-realisation to occur."
"Amrita Nadi itself has a shape which you may feel from time to time. It is not within the spinal column. It is not part of the kundalini mechanism. It is of the nature of Consciousness. But it may be felt to have a psycho-physical counterpart, a coiled shape like an “S” curving forward in the chest from the set in the heart, on the right, through the throat, at which point it moves back again and curves up the back of the head toward the crown and above. But the Divine is not “S-shaped.” These compartmentalized yogic descriptions, along with all the symbolic or archetypal ones, arise because of the nature of the mechanism through which we know the Divine and the Divine Manifestation. In fact, the Divine is a single, absolute Intensity and Reality standing Present in the world, as the very Condition of the world..."
More here: Biology Of Kundalini (*).
Three Dreams
This is November 26, 2019 as I write this. I have lots of dreams. When I feel one is noteworthy, and I have the energy, I write it down, which isn't too often these days.
One evening a week ago I had two dreams. One was of my purchasing a new Volvo station wagon and parking it directly in the impact zone where the ocean waves break at the beach. While I didn't see the end result, my understanding was that in short order the new car would become rusted out and unusable. In a second dream I had purchased a brand new Jeep. Without having used the vehicle, I loaned it to a man who subsequently put 52,000 miles on it before returning it.
What these dreams imply to me is that my bodymind is being worn down prematurely by an external actor. I exercised poor judgment in where I placed the vehicle (in harm's way, at the beach break), and to whom I gave the keys (someone who abused the privilege).
Last night I dreamt I landed an airplane at night on the top of a mountain. There was a home there. I landed on the concrete driveway. The plane slowed to stall speed until its wings bumped lightly against a gate post, whereupon it drifted downward gently to land.
I am not sure what the dream signifies. I would say that night time, mountain top, and flying are all auspicious contexts. The smooth, balloon-like landing is likely a good thing. While I have not achieved lasting relief or emancipation from my etheric abuser, perhaps I am making progress toward this end.
Two nights ago the succubus had one of the most intense, etheric-energy-draining locks on my circulatory system that she has ever had. The abnormally strong heart beats, distended veins and the fake heart beat sound in my left ear persisted for a good six hours before giving way to erections and other sensations. I had to take a Trazodone just to have the succubus relent enough for me to sleep. I looked at myself in the mirror at 6am to see some of the darkest circles under my eyes that I have ever seen. The girl had my life force on tap. The only relief I get is when her mind is fixed upon her sexual partner and boyfriend, which is about three to four hours per day, generally. Her attention is upon me for the balance of time in any given 24 hour period. She might sleep four hours per day, if that, it seems, which is also time that the etheric pressure of her attention lightens.
For a ten minute period yesterday, as I drove in my car on errands, there was such an intense pressure upon my sino-atrial node that I thought I might die. Thoughts of anger at my mother's dismissal of my concerns surfaced. "I should be living far away from here by now," I thought to myself. Negative energy spiked into my head, encircling the right inner ear, almost snuffing out the Kundalini ringing sound that has been there continuously since July. I thought, "I am really fucked. It's too late now." Despite a lighter drain on me persisting throughout the day and into the evening, I dragged myself to engage a sixty-minute step aerobic routine at about 6pm. The second half of the routine involves my dropping the handheld barbells and donning sweatpants, sweatshirt, and wool hat. With all this heat insulation, I sweat quite a bit. I use my free hands to massage my hands, arms, shoulders, upper back, lower back, face, and scalp. I place my hands over my lower back, abdomen, and eyes, concentrating energy in these places. The massaging opens me up. It triggers the release of endorphins and other healthful secretions. I thought that it might not be wise opening my body to healing energies when I am being cannabalized by a succubus who would without doubt take advantage of my renewed sensitivity and vulnerability. As I went to bed at 9pm, my body became unbelievably congested. My nasal passages narrowed and I produced a lot of phlegm. The heart beats for the next 90 minutes, until I fell asleep, where abnormally strong and had the regular misfire every seventh or eighth beat. But the intensity overall was diminished compared to the preceding night, and I was able to sleep. When I woke up again, briefly, 90 minutes later, I found that the succubus had disengaged from controlling my heart, and was, apparently, sleeping herself. I awoke at 5am looking and feeling much more refreshed than I did the day before. The sense of wellness is owed, also, to my not taking Trazodone, that sucker punches my etheric being every time I ingest it. At 3am or so, which is the succubus' hour of strength, there were three more attacks on my sino-atrial node. Each time I contracted my back, torso, and brachial plexus in an attempt to diminish the succubus' energetic grip on my heart. Praise God, so far the succubus has not been able to kill me directly in this way. She is able to commandeer the rate and timing of my heart beat but not it's life force directly. I hope this continues to be the case, although I am doubtful that a protracted control of my heart rate is good for my longevity.
Congestion As Etheric Immune Response
As I write this on December 1, 2019, for the past week I have had the strangest congestion come upon me that begins about thirty minutes before I go to bed and worsens upon my assuming a horizontal position. I believe it is a direct response to the heightened succubus activity that I experience immediately upon bedtime.
There was one day where the Kundalini ring sound was weaker in my ears than normal. I felt the succubus moving about me less inhibitedly, causing pain and disruption here and there. I went to bed and there was little or no congestion. The succubus thrashed my heart for a good long time. Later in the evening she began to place large wads of controlling, deadening energy around both my inner ears. I don't like her anywhere near my right ear, which has been under the continuous control of Kundalini since July. So I stiffened, still lying flat, and raised my bent arms above my chest, with head slightly elevated and neck taut, and began to shake my fists vigorously up and down. This caused a tightening of my muscles behind my head and up toward my ears. I felt her mud-like presence begin to break up. I also felt a cord of suffocation in the center of my chest going up toward the thyroid lighten up. Shortly after this -- and it is this that I wish to emphasize -- my congestion and green phlegm returned.
My sense is that the whole-body response of congestion and phlegm might -- in addition to sequestering unwanted bacteria and other pathogens -- impede the flow of hostile etheric energy within the body. The obstruction is by no means absolute; but I have found it helpful.
I find it interesting but not unexpected that there might be an etheric overlay to one of the body's basic immune system responses.
Kundalini And Thymus Gland Reclaim Heart
I am writing this on Sunday, December 1, 2019. Looking at my notes it was Monday night that I had an extraordinary congestion come over me for the first time. I slogged through 90 minutes of intense heartbeats and misfires until finally falling asleep. Tuesday night I was on the edge of sleep when rapid heartbeats pulled me out my relaxed state. This was followed by a half an hour of such powerful and abusive heartbeats that my heart began to register small amounts of pain, so I took a Trazodone sleeping pill and though the succubus continued to control the heartbeat, the contractions were not as powerful. Still, it was not for another three hours that I finally found sleep. I believe that the succubus controlled my heart the entire night, except for 60-90 minutes at about 2am when she finally slept. On Wednesday I felt beaten and exhausted all day long. I could barely think or do anything. I went to bed at 8pm without exercising or accomplishing much of anything during the day.
It was that night, the night of Wednesday, November 27, that the succubus tried to finish the job of taking etheric control of my being. Asphyxiating wads of energy were placed around my ear canals, extending a good inch in all directions. Almost the entirety of the back of my head was full of controlling energy. My brachial plexus and thymus gland were engulfed. Each time I woke up during the night I felt the succubus forcing additional energies into my solar plexus. I felt like I was harpooned or skewered like a pig to be roasted. Sensing all this when I awoke at 10pm, I barged into my mother's room to say that my living here in California was not working out. On top of these negative symptoms were two things: the succubus' continued controlling of my heart beat and a great etheric "swish" sound in my ears. I could "hear" or sense this sound in both ears. It was a sound rising above the Kundalini immune response ringing in my right ear. I couldn't hear the Kundalini sound at all. My left ear was already compromised; at night I often cannot hear anything in the left ear but the sound of the succubus' false heart beat that sounded in time with my heart's actual contractions. So my losing sense of the Kundalini sound on the right side heralded a new low for me. The final stages of an etheric web was being cast about me. Soon, I would not be able to hear Kundalini at all; and with my heart under a dark force's control, my future looked grim.
At 10pm, after having some words with my mother, I engaged two hours of shaking my head and torso. I would tighten and shake, standing or laying down, and then relax for a moment and then do it again. It wasn't until midnight that I had achieved a diminishment in the succubus swish sound and a mild strengthening of the Kundalini ringing such that I could hear it reliably. There had been three or four shocks to my heart, as the succubus voiced her disapproval of my kriyas. Though moving in a positive direction, my situation, still, was only slightly improved.
When I arose at 5am I discovered that the swish sound had returned. So I spent thirty minutes shaking and contracting this way and that until I could hear the Kundalini sound was back, though weak. Throughout the night I noted that the energetic grip the succubus had at the back of my head was the strongest and least amenable to disruption that she had ever achieved. Her takeover of my subtle nervous system was nearing completion.
I really cannot tell you how disheartening a situation like this is. Thirty-four years ago, Kundalini had awakened in me like a volcano. Immediately, I pledged myself to God and the salvation of all beings in His Creation. Not that I have been equal to the task, but I have lived my life to this end to the best of my ability. Since that time, I have had a continuous, active relationship with God that has buoyed me despite the many hardships I have faced. To have a third party step in, thirty-four years into this sacred relationship, and over the course of just a few months seek to nullify it, is unspeakable, but this is precisely what occurred. It is like someone trying to throw a black towel over me to block the sun from reaching my eyes and body.
A different outcome might be possible with a girl's astral body; but with the succubus form of etheric projection, the complete annihilation of the aspirant's conscious connection to God is what is sought. The succubus may have been able to kill me long ago. But what she pursued was my spiritual inversion. If you can liken a soul to a child's body, the complete capture of the soul is like the kidnapping of the child into a deep, sound-proof basement torture chamber, where no one but the predator has access to or knowledge of the child's whereabouts. In such a situation, there are no checks and balances, no consequences for the most horrific of acts to be carried out. I felt, on a spiritual level, that this was the path I was being taken down. Yes, God was helping me. I would always be thankful for that. But at the end of the day it was insufficient.
It is Thursday, Thanksgiving Day, November 28, 2019. This is three days ago. Despite an etheric drain upon me, and with my feeling rather hopeless, I did what I could to be productive. In the afternoon I did a two-hour hike. It was in the low 40's and drizzling. Back from the hike, I helped my mother with some computer problems and then set about preparing a sautéed tofu dish in the kitchen.
At 5:30pm, in the course of cooking, as I leaned over the stove stirring the tofu, there was a violent eruption of energy in my thymus gland. Spilling out of the thymus gland, energy spread out across my chest and throat. I mentioned to my mother, "I think I am being attacked." I did not know what was going on. I marveled at the force of it. "This must spell the end of me if the succubus has this much control over my etheric functioning," I thought to myself.
A half-an hour later I pulled off my sweatshirt to inspect my chest. My upper chest and lower half of my throat were reddened, like a mild sunburn. I was encouraged. This had happened before, when my chest and throat became engorged with energy, with the same reddening, two months earlier; the effect of the additional energy at that time was to diminish the force of the succubus' hostilities within me. At that time there continued to be rapid heartbeats, and misfiring heartbeats, but they had been muffled to an extent that provided some protection to the heart and allowed me to sleep. The protection was good for three days after which the succubus was able to breach the blockade, resuming her forceful attacks upon me.
Given this association, I was encouraged. It was probably God. Also, in obvious protest, shortly after the eruption of energy across my chest, the succubus renewed her attacks upon my heart: misfires, excessive force, rapid heartbeats. This lasted a good hour -- from 6pm till about 7pm. -- but the effects were decidedly less fearsome than usual. Clearly, an etheric barrier had been constructed between me and the succubus' sphere of influence.
I was anxious as I approached bedtime. Would the etheric barrier hold? While I was able to sleep within thirty minutes of laying down, and I was able to sleep a good 7.5 hours until arising at 4:30am, there is much to report. I wake up every 60-90 minutes, typically. I get a small sip of water, urinate if I wish, and turn over to my other side (I am a side sleeper). So I usually have several time-stamped data points in a given evening of succubus-infested "sleep."
From 9pm till 11pm a great struggle took place. The succubus fitfully caused the heart muscle to do everything it shouldn't do: rapid beats, misfires, too much force, etc. Meanwhile, Kundalini was exerting greater and greater control over the situation. The most striking aspect was a cord of energy that appeared, connecting the thymus gland to my heart's sino-atrial node. This was constant, and it was accompanied by energetic charges sent to the entire heart muscle itself. These were small spires of energy sent out from the thymus gland to engage the heart muscle, especially. By 11pm, although it might have been achieved an hour earlier, Kundalini had established a strong, regular heartbeat that the succubus had to follow, whether she wanted to or not. I turned on the light at my bedside to check the state of my veins. They were not distended! Kundalini was in charge, not the succubus!
The succubus had entered the heart muscle for the first time eight months ago. I think she first demonstrated an ability to control my heartbeats two months after that. Controlling the heart is absolutely critical to the succubus. Her loss (and I hope it is not temporary!) is enormous. You can't control the soul if you don't control the heart!
Other things happened during this contest. Kundalini sent energy up around both ears. Kundalini touched these areas, my crown, my heart, and elsewhere, as well as strengthening a wide section of my solar plexus. Also, Kundalini replaced the succubus' swish sound in my ears with its own similar, but protective sound. Two days later, my ears have returned to their strong usual ring sound.
On Friday, the day following Kundalini's takeover, I felt overloaded. I was concerned that I would not be able to handle the additional subtle energy being forced through me to combat the succubus. So instead of writing first thing, I took a two-hour hike, with 1200 feet of elevation gain, to help ground and energize my body. It helped. Still, I was in a bit of a daze as my mother dragged me through a handful of "Black Friday" discount shopping events.
Note from 6am Sunday, three days later. This is what it's like! Fifteen minutes ago, I had bags under my eyes. I could not think. I had an urge to lay down. When I laid down, I felt a contest over my heart beat. As I have witnessed the past two nights, Kundalini strikes up a very methodical beat that is more forceful than normal, but does not distend my veins as the succubus does. The succubus, who is trying to wrest control, was keelhauled through Kundalini's beat. It is like nails on a chalkboard for her. I lay on my side, get super comfortable, place a shirt over my eyes, and focus on what is going on down there in my heart. Just two minutes later the heart beat has normalized. It is slower and less forced. The existential fog lifts from me and I return to the computer to carry on with this writing.
My refusal to relocate has placed a demand upon God. Either God helps or I die. My situation is not entirely my fault. If God is just then some assistance should be provided. If God is not just, seeing all the pain and destruction that goes on here on Earth, I figure I might as well die anyway. Luckily, I got help. I pray to God that it continues. But I sure suffered a lot to get here.
Last night as I laid down to sleep, Kundalini sent energy through my solar plexus that went up into my chest and throat, to strengthen those areas. It was not the darting, forceful energy of the succubus; but rather the broad, slow movement of an inexorable force. On a related note, energy for the most part no longer comes down through my crown. The descending force, sensations of weight, and Grace stopped being made available to me when the succubus entered my being. I had kicked out the astral body and spent two days denying God's attempts to rescue me due to my not understanding the gravity of the situation, concerns about heightened EMF conductivity if were to "submit," and my still not having an effectively shielded bedroom (a situation that has been rectified since then).
Last night there were flutters in my heart that I have never experienced before. My heart would vibrate for 3-5 seconds without beating. My thought is that the muscle was in the middle of a contest for control between Kundalini and the succubus. During the battle there were stronger beats than usual. Afterwards, the heartbeats returned to normal. It is so nice not to have to feel the excessive vibrations of my heart at my fingertips and throughout my chest. It is almost impossible to sense my heart when it is beating normally. There is an effortlessness to it.
I don't know how I will get to a place of receiving Grace again. I think I have to clear the heart of the succubus. Having an unobstructed heart appears critical for the Descent of Grace -- and subsequent whole body enlightenment -- that accompanies it. So far it appears that God is diminishing the succubus' presence. But I think it remains up to me somehow to show her the door. I will update these postings on what transpires in this matter going forward.
I do feel that I've been far too passive in all of this. I need to take the reins in order to be done with this drama. I consider myself very fortunate to have received the help that I have.
Om Na Ma Shivaya! All Praise to God! May All Beings Find the Peace They Seek!
God Passes Torch Back To Succubus
It's Tuesday morning, December 3, 2019. I think I can say without hesitation that succubi are God's wrecking crew for spiritual frauds. A male aspirant might tread the path with great vigor and sincerity, at least at first, then he slips, and he slips hard. Well, the succubus is there waiting for him. I certainly have found one.
It was with tremendous disappointment that I went to bed two nights ago, on Sunday night, after God being in control of my heart for the preceding three nights, that the succubus was returned the reins to my sinoatrial node. I really had thought that the succubus had overstepped; that she had demonstrated an unwarranted abusiveness to me. I thought she had no right to my heart, given that she was sleeping with another guy, and had never been transparent with me. Was it my fault that my etheric nervous system was so vulnerable to another person's takeover? In the decade following my explosive and painful awakening to manmade EMF, God had never shown me that there might be a way to transcend or adapt to this artificial presence. Every time I heightened my energy level, and began to yearn for more against my better judgment, I was slammed with coughing fits and flu symptoms that could last for weeks. My lungs felt the EMF as a viral attack on their physical structure and functioning. It was insufferable. While the EMF irritation was certainly uncomfortable, it was the involuntary coughing spells that were the most painful to bear. I would lie down on my side for an hour at a time, seeking to calm or shut down my every sense. I would have green phlegm, as if there were a bacterial infection. The green phlegm would not abate until I had dampened my bodymind's ability to perceive EMF. This dampening required lotsof bed rest, poor posture, dead food, and shallow breathing, as well as zero aspirational thoughts. So I have learned to keep my vibrational state at just a sufficient level to maintain a modicum of health, but not so much as to invite a deeper spiritual alignment. To get to the point, I was doing the best I could given the overall situation and I thought that God should take that into account. I was writing as much as I could to bring to light these topics, and I was trying to live an honest, humble, good life in the service of others. I hadn't had a kiss in eighteen years. It wasn't as if I deserved to be abused by a woman as payback for my serial infidelities. To the extent that I was able, I was a faithful servant to God. At least that was my own view of the matter.
So why would or should this girl be given control over my heart again? Now that is the $10,000 question, isn't it? To be the bearer of a woman's astral body, which is her soul, for lack of a better word, is an extremely serious matter. I really have no interest in being the custodian of such a thing, if that thing is resonating with all the sex she is having with someone else. Now that is my personal take. I don't know what God's rules are for this, if there are any. Maybe the girl trusted me in her own mysterious way. But it is also likely that she thought she could capture me and wanted that conquest for her personal gratification. Who knows?
I was an eager participant in all the subtle foreplay the preceding two years before she deposited herself in me. But never once did I have an inkling that I would be subject to hostile takeover, or else I would have done what I could to deny her access to me. Like a fool, even after I was dragged through her first week of sexual awakening, I displayed a heartbroken state to her. In retrospect, I should have shown anger and rejection. That is some of my karmic investment in all of this. But my connection to her had grown feeble while I lived in my metal enclosure the preceding eight months. It actually became painful to send or receive etheric energy as my time in the box came to a close. I was afraid that she took my impaired psychic ability as a rejetion of her, driving her, in part, to give herself to another guy. While I can't say that I didn't want her, in truth, I didn't need her, and I was mostly concerned with the possibility that she had felt rejected. My continued openness and apologeticness -- despite my being treated viciously in terms of my being given a ringside seat to her awakening -- was not an invitation to implant herself in me, but rather to insure that her self-esteem remained strong as she moved forward in her life. Oh well, but here I am now, captured.
The girl is quite a dedicated succubus, spending what appears to be nearly all of her free time in contemplation of her deeply embedded etheric hook in me. God, I assume, evaluates all of this in our subtle contest. As I have stated before, she has way too much time on her hands. It is not a fair contest, any way you look at it. I can't wait for her to have kids and a job. But given hers is the generation that has grown up with cell phones on their laps since birth, it is likely that her eggs are infertile due to microwave exposures (*), meaning I may never see relief.
My best guess is that a woman has but one man to whom she can pledge her astral body; and this man is likely the only person who she can intertwine her soul with. It is this man alone who she can access remotely and bind her heart to. It is a big deal. I think God views this as a significant matter. It could not have God's stamp of approval if such a potential did not have tremendous spiritual significance. That God is allowing me to be somewhat cannibalized in the process is at least partly due to my failing a number of spiritual tests over the past year where I was given the opportunity to be free of her, but I failed to take the necessary actions.
I did not like Sunday night at all. The beats were harder and were more obtrusive than either my own or Kundalini's. The succubus either was a hack, or had difficulty hiding the hate for me that bubbled up through the agreement she had reached with God. My veins, though not as distended as normal, still showed signs of distress. I was able to sleep, but spent from 3am to 5am with a knot in my head where I stewed on the matter, expressing my displeasure with the arrangement via a whole body vibration that focused on rattling the heart muscle to dislodge her. One of the three times Kundalini aided me a bit with a small boost via my solar plexus. But nothing was even 10% as strong as it would need to be to be free of her.
I am not sure what was going on yesterday at school, but I felt like my entire being was under etheric attack. My chest was hot, my face looked strained. I thought my death was imminent. For ten minutes during my lunch break, my heart nearly leapt out of my chest with misfires and excessively strong beats. Things didn't look good. But doing my step aerobics in the evening, though my veins were very distended, I felt my mood lift. Maybe I would survive the night afterall. With some slow moving misfires to start my sleep, I was able to slip into dreamland easily enough. I awoke a few times to find my heart beat under my own control and my veins only mildly distended. Good. I spent an hour at 3am laying quietly in bed, waiting, listening. This is when God comes to me, when etheric energies are at their most palpable. At the same time, the succubus held a firm grip on my sinoatrial node and solar plexus. To control these areas, she has to focus intently. She wants to make sure that any movements on God's part to rescue me are disrupted by her. She is my subtle prison guard. But at least she let me sleep and did not interfere with my mind. God maintained a loud etheric immune response ringing in both ears. I think what I am seeing is an uneasy cease fire.
I remain in California primarily because my mother is growing older and she really wants me to be here to care for her. I help with lots of things. It gives her great joy to cook for me. It pains her that she cannot do more for me with this subtle antagonism. She has two surgeries planned in the coming six months. I plan to take time off so that I can drive her to the hospital and help with post-operation needs. My teacher's income allows me to pay a lot bills that she, on her small, fixed Social Security income, would have difficulty paying. She is thankful for my help with paying her property taxes and other bills. She considers me her best friend. So I don't want to go. I feel an overriding need to stay. If my mother had remarried and had strong social and financial safety nets, I would be less hesitant to move to a greater distance from my antagonist. It would be excellent to have my 3am or 4am time frame be markedly different from the succubus'. I need for her to have difficulty controlling me at these critical times. Also, as I've described elsewhere, the additional energies at the succubus' disposal to dominate me are reduced by 75% when I am 2000 miles away. Having this buffer could be invaluable to me, and might have made a huge difference in the outcome of the past six months' battle if I had had it. I would like to relocate to Florida or Hawaii. But I might have to wait till my mother passes on before, on an existential level, I am granted license to do this.
Google Censorship
It's December 9, 2019. Within a couple of weeks of my first succubus page going live in June of this year, the world's largest search engine Google -- that controls perhaps 90% of the world's search traffic -- delisted it. Any Internet search on the topic of "Kundalini and succubus," when done at Google, results in zero pages from my site being offered as relevant. It had been in the top ten, and now it is not in the top 100. Did some "curator" -- a euphemism for censor -- determine that this content was not relevant? Six months later, neither that page nor this page are indexed at Google.
What could be so controversial or threatening about my words here? Either I am nuts, or there is possibly a "there" there. Given elites' interest in establishing a materialistic, anti-spiritual technocracy here on Earth -- a world governed by child sacrifice and artificial intelligence -- I wonder if my discovering a pathway of psychic connection between sufficiently prepared men and women somehow hit a nerve among staff. Given the darkness that covers much of Silicon Valley, it wouldn't surprise me that succubi, or others steeped in the dark arts, had risen or been purposefully placed in positions of leadership over the control of information. If I am laying bare the potential for tremendous subversion of the male psyche by a female, that could be viewed as a threat by those who have pledged themselves to Satan / Darkness or whatever you want to call this anti-life principle. My pages on "Kundalini and testicles," "Kundalini and pancreas," "Kundalini complications," and related searches continue to be #1 as they have been for years. But there is something about my work in this particular area that Google does not want shared.
Big Toe And The Blockage Of Amrita Nadi
December 12, 2019. Last Friday, as I drove home, I felt great pain in my right big toe that lasted for several hours. I had not stubbed my toe. There was no physical injury, so what was the pain all about? As happened a year ago when I was still living in my metal RF enclosure, it was a move on the part of Kundalini to dampen my life force. I don't know what "nadis" are involved, but the right big toe is definitely a circuit breaker for the life force that flows through the human bodymind.
Preceding this toe pain I had had several spells of crying and begging for release from my dilemma. I had minor impulses of love flood my chest. My heart shimmered and "bled" subtle essences that irrigated the tissues around it. But then God stepped in and said, "No dude, you aren't that conduit anymore, or at least not right now. You have a succubus in your heart. You are blocked. No descending energy for you. No Grace. You have to clear this mess first. And you know what? That is a heck of a challenge and I am not sure that you are up to it. Best of luck to you."
Then there was that time, perhaps for two or three days straight, after I had persisted living inside the all metal Faraday cage for a good eight months and at some point, maybe six months into it, after I had known from day ONE that the box was toxic to me, Kundalini stepped in and crushed my right big toe. It was agonizing. It was as if I had a broken it. But the source of the pain was not physical. It was someone coming in and shutting down my energy flow because it could not be sustained within this metal structure.
So yes, that great flowing conscious connection to the ultimate, this river of nonexistence, peace, Love, eternity, or whatever you want to call it, the Amrita Nadi, is not available to me at this time. When Kundalini seeks to strengthen me, it is now via small to moderate bursts through my solar plexus. Then, if that energetic supplement is great enough, I may able to direct the psychic energy in my body toward my heart muscle -- via this whole body kriya that was shown to me -- and cause the heart muscle to vibrate so greatly that the succubus is dislodged. Tbe problem is, she is like a pitbull with lockjaw on my heart and I may need a lot more Divine assistance than I've been given so far to accomplish this, and I am not sure this will happen. God was much more generous and forgiving prior to this mess. But now that this girl's karma and dharma are intertwined with my own path, it appears that God must be fair to her, too.
Last Sunday night I achieved the greatest heart vibration that I had ever been able to achieve. It was about 25% of what is needed. It was wild to be rocking the heart with my psychic energy while the succubus controlled the heartbeat. While I don't think she missed a beat, I think it caused her some concern. So the next night, for the first time, she controlled my heartbeat the entire night. I don't think she paused for sleep at all. I was able to sleep through most of it, though the beats were too pronounced and the moderately distended veins unwanted. However, and this is the point I want to emphasize, I believe her doing so enabled her to siphon off much more psychic energy from me than usual. If I am correct, a tremendous amount of life force, prana, or Spirit flows through your veins. If a succubus can deplete the energetic quality of your blood, then that will mean you have that much less energy with which to turn around and put down or disable your etheric prison guard. So it was that last night, two nights straight into this grueling heartbeat control, I had only the feeblest of etheric responses to her.
I laid in bed alert and inquiring last night from 3-5am. Finally, when the succubus had her guard down, Kundalini came in with a small burst of energy into my solar plexus. I need 5x that much five times per day, but I am grateful for any energy God might send my way. I have been temporarily strengthened. Not a tremendous amount, but enough to get through another day. Praise God.
Heart Muscle Goes On The Offensive
I am writing this on Good Friday, April 10, 2020. In December, four months ago, I quit my job, turned my life upside down, relocated, and found new employment at a significant distance from my succubus oppressor. I believed I was on the brink of death. God had stepped in in November basically to tell the succubus that she could have me, but she had to behave herself. Yet here I was with nearly a week straight of there being an extraordinary etheric pressure placed on my sino-atrial node. There was no mistaking this: it was a frontal assault on my being. My heart ached. Every move I made -- leaning over, twisting, etc. -- registered tremendous pain. It was clear to me that the succubus had devised a new strategy to kill me. Could it be that the pacemaker -- the life spark -- of my heart could be crushed? That was surely the intent.
I felt that God was evaluating my actions, too. Was I willing to risk anything to defend myself? If I had any respect or consideration for my spiritual path, then it was incumbent upon me to leave, immediately, regardless of the personal cost. Against my better judgment I had given my mother six more months of my presence -- from June through December -- but the drugs, overall, had not helped, and my inner situation had only worsened. There was no letting up on the pressure. Whenever the girl placed her attention on me -- which was twelve hours per day or more -- the strain on my heart would intensify. It is quite a thing to have a conscious attention, three times greater than your own, focused intently on the destruction of the very essence of your being. So again, as happened the preceding April, with bags packed in a heated rush, I flew away.
This is my theory: the astral body of a woman is meant to dwell inside her mate. If an appropriate mate is chosen, then it means spiritual fulfillment for the woman as her spirit is intertwined with his. If he is enlightened, abiding as love or the amrita nadi, with his consciousness grounded in the chest, then hers will, too. But if he is not, but otherwise spiritually attuned, then it is a suicide mission for her. I kicked her out (make anchor link), because her presence overpowered my own and appeared, to my best judgement, to present an obstacle to my being's final transcendence. Her descent into me was premature. If I were to choose her, I would at same time reject God. That is my experience of the matter. This girl's descent into me was irreversible. It is a once in a lifetime decision, made when she was only 14 years old. It was a very sad affair, likely with both of us making mistakes along the way.
But the eviction I served was not final. Two days later a hot, black, irritating wind of etheric energy plowed through my solar plexus and wrapped itself around my nervous system in exactly the same places that the astral body had occupied and patterned itself after -- just days earlier. The subtle seed that had been implanted in me just a week before, and which had been dormant the past two days, returned to life. But now, instead of an essentially positive development for which I was not prepared, what I now faced had turned entirely negative.
The last few months while hiking and doing whatever else I do, I found myself praying to God that He would find a resolution to my/our dilemma. Whether or not the girl's spirit thrives is based largely on the quality of her relationship with the man within whose physical body she has implanted herself. This represents a rare closeness that can be achieved between two human beings. Such exceptional intimacy also means that both parties are extremely vulnerable to each other. Given that I kicked her out initially not because of my not liking her or wanting her in my life; and given that I rejected God's "Descent of Grace" not because of my being anti-spirit, but out of fear that I would become wholly compromised by manmade EMF conductivity; I had hoped that some kind of forgiveness, miracle, and/or startover might occur. I mean, God is God after all. A miracle of some sort just might be possible, right? Maybe this girl, if her intentions are true, could find in her heart to forgive me. If this were to happen, maybe, just maybe, God might enable a transformation of her presence within me -- a presence that would no longer be harmful, disruptive, draining, and an obstruction to God consciousness. I know that God creates various developmental parameters or rules, both in terms of our physiology and subtle anatomy. But maybe important shifts or unexpected changes can occur under the right circumstances. Who knows? Given the direness of my situation, and my rapidly graying appearance, it surely cannot hurt to wish for that.
So it is that I am not entirely against the succubus' control of my heart beat. If this is something that she needs to do, then perhaps, so be it. I will say, though, that I find it annoying, if not obnoxious, for someone else to be controlling such a vital function within me. I would much prefer that if there is some node of her self-identity that resides within me, that it sit in the back rather than force itself into the driver's seat, and just enjoy the ride. Sadly, though, the succubus' presence has never been satisfied with mere contact with me. It seeks greater and greater control and then changes to "destroy mode" whenever it serves her. There are times in the middle of the night, with the force and rate of my heart beat under her control for hours at a time, that I am inclined to forgive her. I see her need; but also I am tired sometimes and I don't feel like standing up and shaking my torso to disrupt her connection and then spend 30 minutes with my feet elevated against the wall as I do breathing exercises and the force of my blood weighing down on her makes it harder for her to control the heart's actions. Most of the time I am able to recall her untrustworthiness, and when I feel an erection being forced upon me, and there are more explosions or misfirings in my heart, or jabs of pain or excessive stimulation going to different areas of my brain and endocrine glands, I resist. I tighten my muscles, shake the respective body part, or pinch down hard on my penis.
By last week I had gone 40 days without taking Trazodone -- the longest period since June. But the succubus had been gaining in strength within me, day by day plying my body with etheric energy sent from afar, so that a build up of reserves were stored within me to do her bidding. While she hadn't chosen to disrupt my sleep, it was clear to me that she could if she chose. If feelings of sadness arose in my throat, or joy in my chest, large wads of suffocating energy would ooze into the glands associated with these areas to stifle them.Troublingly, the succubus was able to control my heart beat whenever she chose. Usually, this was harder for her when I was awake; but now that no longer posed a challenge. Worse, all night long my heart was under control. This means that, as far as I can tell, even while she slept she was able to maintain her etheric control. This represented a new level of dominion over me. For the past several months I was able to determine when she slept because my heart would feel comparatively free. There would be no inflation of my already ropey veins, the beat of my heart would no longer cause my body to vibrate (due to excessive force), and the rate would drop to the low 50s or high 40s, as opposed to 60 or more beats per minute that appeared to be her own personal bpm rate. The shift, when I experienced it at night, would be dramatic and unmistakable.
Just in the past week the succubus has begun to make my heart race very fast if I try to masturbate. Everytime I am stimulated and erect, she makes my heart beat at breakneck speed. It is disturbing, to say the least. Last weekend, on Saturday, as I stood in a wooded grove miles away from the nearest person, I decided to masturbate. In retrospect I shouldn't have done it. I despise the succubus inserting herself into my most intimate of feelings and behaviors. As I orgasmed, with my heart beating extremely fast, she appeared to have been granted even deeper access to my being. I was not surprised. Orgasm, since kundalini's awakening in me, has enabled a greater opening to Spirit. But with the succubus' seeking to command my body and all processes within it, the function of orgasm largely has been reversed. Rather than reducing her presence and the tension she creates, orgasm in the upside down world I now inhabit, enables the furtherance of her dominion. Now, if I consent to sexual stimulation from the succubus -- whether it be allowing her to give me an erection, or letting her participate in my orgasm, even as my mind is on someone else -- then God allows for her blackness to devour more of my soul. After this orgasm in nature, therefore, I felt even more compromised. With Kundalini alone in the house, orgasm provides both relief of tension but also a deepened orientation of your being to Spirit. But with the succubus -- this anti-God principle -- predominating, sexual stimulation leads mostly to your subtle enslavement and to the confinement of your senses to a materialistic level of being.
So it was that last Saturday night, with my heart racing harder and faster than usual -- in fact, the worst since I fled California four months earlier -- I could not sleep. Two hours in to the heart racing and misfiring, I reached into the nightstand drawer beside the bed and popped one 50mg Trazodone pill. I awoke two hours later, feeling heavy, nauseous, and dizzy, bracing myself against the wall as I stumbled to the toilet to urinate. While I dislike these symptoms, the succubus' activity had eased up enough for me to sleep, and that is the main thing.
I spent the next day groggy and stupefied, but not under as much etheric attack as usual. That night, finding my heart under deep control again, I spent a good hour, on two separate occasions, shaking my torso to disrupt the succubus, and then elevating my feet against the wall while laying in bed. While laying in this way, as I exhaled deeply I concentrated on the area of my heart where the succubus has taken root. Like a parasitic mistle toe in my etheric being, I could feel her attached to me there, sapping my strength with every breath I take. I visualized and felt light -- to the best of my imagination's ability -- coming down from my crown and piercing her exact location. Sometimes I would feel nothing, or I would "miss." But other times, the visualization found traction and I felt warmth in my throat and chest and the small zone of the succubus would light up like I had hit a bullseye. I was trying to show God or whatever healing mechanism might be available the exact location of my tormentor. While I had done other exercises meant to bring energetic attention into my chest, it was unusual for me to be so targeted and to feel her so distinctly. I pictured a ray of light piercing her. Or I visualized a blow torch incinerating her. Or I pictured that area of my heart muscle encrusted with blackness as a bright white light burst forth from its insides and dispel the scab tissue. Or I would envision my breath as warmth filling my whole chest, thymus, and heart. But this night, mostly, it was light coming down through my crown to hit the implant directly on its subtle mass. Then I went back to sleep, with the force of heart control barely diminished.
The next day there was little change for me. The succubus had my heart under deep control whenever she wanted. If you've seen Star Trek with the tractor beam of energy that the ship uses to tow other ships, it was like that. The succubus' psychic intention is all that is required to make my heart do backflips or whatever she wants. My heart raced like mad from 6am to 7am, giving me dark circles under my eyes as my life force was pulled from me. That night, at about midnight, exasperated with my ongoing imprisonment, laying on my side I arched my back, tightening my muscles along both the front and back lines, clenched my fists and tried to gather psychic energy from my pituitary, frontal lobes, and entire body and direct it into the subtle infestation within my heart. I held my body and head taut for a minute or two until there was a tiny tremor of subtle force registering within me. I directed it into my heart which began to vibrate weakly, at perhaps 2% of the force required to dislodge the deeply rooted psychic extension. This went on for another minute then I relaxed. I was depressed. I had well over ten times the psychic energy available to me the preceding July. Why had God removed it from me? Whatever God's reason, I disagreed. It had been wrong to allow this consciousness to wreak such havoc within me; and it was wrong to withhold aid when I needed it. Therefore, I resolved to continue these efforts, not knowing another means of assistance, as if to say, "Hey, God! Over here! Shouldn't you be helping me right now?"
The following morning it was Monday, and my psyche was eaten alive the first hour of my being awake. I felt etheric energy being ripped off my chest and solar plexus. It was like a storm over the surface of the ocean, these ripples of negative energy. I remained sitting at my desk for the next 3 hours engaged in various virtual learning activities on account of the fraudulent pandemic triggering worldwide school closures and societal lockdown (at least I still had a job, for now), when I felt a particularly obnoxious stab of energy into my left medulla. As I cocked my head, ready to shake it out, an extraordinary back spasm occurred directly behind the succubus' location in my heart, right next to the spine. It felt like a slipped disc, the pain was so great. Had I tweaked my neck somehow? Why would that affect me down there? With all my kriyas and subtle battles, I often cannot discern good pain from bad pain; or positive versus negative subtle stimulation. Often, I have to watch it and observe it for a good length of time before coming to a determination. It's a bummer, because sometimes a quickened response on my part would be helpful. But as the succubus and her more benign big sister, the astral body, are both mini-Kundalinis, there is a lot of overlap in terms of the responses they induce in the male body. Whatever the case, I didn't massage the site of the spasm. I didn't want to disrupt whatever might be going on. Good or bad, I needed it to play out some.
Following the spasm, which was ongoing, I felt tension around my sino-atrial node, then a tightening across my brachial plexus, followed by my ears becoming hot. An hour later there was pain in my heart muscle that was sustained and appeared to be coordinated somehow with the spasm in my back. Still, I was not absolutely sure of what was going on. Had the succubus grown that powerful in me? The fake heartbeat sound in my left ear continued even more feverishly, as did the heart racing and backfiring. I typed into my succubus journal entry for the day, "GOD, DO IT!!!!! PLEASE, GOD, DO IT!!!!!!!!"
I found it interesting that this Kundalini support appeared in the middle of the day. Maybe the succubus had taken her eye off the ball and was screwing her boyfriend. Or maybe Kundalini was taking advantage of the fact that this was midday, opposite to the succubus' witching hour of maximum strength of 3:00am her time. The moon would nearly be full that night, so this may have played a role, too.
That evening, Kundalini held down the succubus quite handily. I had much more energy than usual. I also had a lot more energy when back at the house as I had dinner and got ready for bed. The succubus's draw on me was greatly reduced. It was a relief to walk up the steep hills and not feel like I was dragging a hostile consciousness along with me. There was a weak bleating in my left ear that was easy to shake off. Wherever and however the energy is drawn up out of me, that succubus function was greatly restricted. For the past month, the succubus had been able to strike up very powerful and rapid beats when I hiked, which I found concerning. Not only was it a distraction for my whole-body meditation. But the beats were so forceful that when combined with the intense elevation gain that my favorite hikes involve, I feared risking a heart attack or otherwise damaging my circulatory system. But tonight was different. Between the pain in my back directly behind the subtle implant, an unusual tension in my heart muscle, and tautness throughout my brachial plexus, the force of the beats was markedly reduced, I would say by 70%. Still, there were rapid heart beats; but it's the force of those beats that is my greater concern. The night sky was beautiful -- no chemtrails, nor natural clouds, with the luminaries brightly lighting my path. On the way back down the mountain, I visualized a cord of light coming down through my crown and entering my chest and heart. I struck the marble sized implant with this visualization a good ten times or so.
Journal Entries
At 6:00am Tuesday morning the pain in my back is 90% gone, and I feel spikes of energy in several places as the succubus tries to regain her position of unquestioned superiority over my being. During sleep, however, my back spasm persisted largely. Every time I awoke, she tried to breathe hard in my left ear with strong heartbeats that quickly faded to the minutest of squeaks. I feel pain right now at the center of my left ear canal as she attacks the Kundalini sound there. I just shook my torso again. I spent an hour from 1am to 2am where I shook hard three times, with heart beat racing, and as I leaned over and pulled my diaphragm up against the xyphoid process as I exhaled, cut off the sound in my left ear completely. I then laid down with feet up on the wall until there was only a dim throb of my normal heart beat in my left ear, but none of the screechy false heart beat sound that reflects the succubus' crossing over into my conscious mind. Still, most all of the night, the succubus controlled my heart beat, if only weakly. I do hope later this morning my back muscles again spontaneously contract against her presence in my heart. I have felt miserably and increasingly weak, aged, and listless over the past weeks and months. This etheric invader had been gaining traction within me. With Kundalini's present assistance, I have pushed her back a good month, maybe more. For example, during the hike the succubus was not able to achieve an excessively forceful beat. Yes, there was a fast heart beat that she pushed, but it didn't have the uncomfortable force that Imay have first become aware of when I hiked that valley (edit) a month or so ago. And there were not the excessively forceful beats last night before going to bed. She has been reduced in presence. I am so grateful. Lord, please lend me more assistance! I spent time last night contemplating a bolt of energy, or a fireplace poker reddened with heat, inserted into the center of the succubus implant and destroying it. I sure hope that comes to pass. I am so tired of feeling weak and inhabited.
7:35am. What I have felt several times has been mild pain in my heart muscle, but it's like my heart is reacting itself against the subtle blight that has burrowed inside it. Just now I felt a tension ripple through the muscle. I think yesterday and today mark the first time that my heart muscle itself has sought to expel this thing. This is excellent.
2020.4.8. Wednesday, 7:19am. Day 3 without pills. Slept fitfully last night. My heart was under attack throughout the night. I am not sure what was going on. Maybe the muscle was inflamed from my focusing on it so much during the day, visualizing light and heat tearing apart the succubus implant. Everytime I moved in bed my heart muscle hurt. It was sad. "S" (the girl's name begins with an S, and I don't like to say her whole name, as I think it empowers her somehow) controlled my heart all night long, not violently, but stronger than I wanted. S was not able to do this just a couple weeks ago. There was no period of a few hours while S slept that my heart was free. It is entirely bound to her. My back just now has spasmed again directly behind the heart muscle. My body feels like it is insufficient to stand up to this etheric bombardment that comes at no physical price to S. S can mount attacks on me without harm to herself; meanwhile it is I who is aging rapidly, sleeping hours longer than I want or need, not being replenished by sleep, feeling disrupted and coopted all day long. I need a blast, a mega-boost, from God. If S were not 15 years old with ZERO responsibilities -- no need to care for husband or children, no need to perform a job to earn a living and support herself -- I would not be so beset as I am. Sadly, God thinks of her as the perfect succubus, and my protestations are too weak to dislodge her. If she had more distractions, I would have more leverage with which to break free. I am tired today, and disillusioned. I will keep on concentrating on my heart, bringing etheric and muscular attention to it. I pray that my heart can withstand this tortured contest. Who will win out? The etheric invader, or my physical body? My body must be made Divine, or I will be victimized eternally by her.
Since the pain sprung up in my back the sound in my left ear has been shut down. Forty minutes later the pain is reduced considerably. I have mixed feelings about this. While it applies pressure to S, it takes a toll on my physical being. It's kind of a no-win situation being stuck in this battle. I was given 3-4 erections during the night. S was trying to build her ramparts back into me, to regain that foothold. Also, this morning, I found my testicles unusually heavy and large. I felt like S was milking me. My balls are usually lean and medium to small. This was the case the first night of the muscle spasm defense. Some of my internal functioning had normalized, praise God. Last night, on the hike, I felt weary. It was hard to contemplate God, or visualize Grace dissolving the implant. All I could was plod along and wearily "be."
8:50pm. A lot of pain in my heart now that may be from S, or perhaps it is K rejecting S, I am not sure. Earlier tonight on my hike my heart was in moderate pain as it sought to expel her from my heart. I was pretty darn sure it is me/God rejecting the parasite. These pains I think I felt for the first time yesterday. This is the first time that my heart has tried to reject her. I hope that is what is happening. Peace.
2020.4.9. Thursday, 6:27am. Day 4 without pills. Slept fitfully. Pain in my heart going to bed and for the first few hours. I awoke at 10:45pm, shook, and then spent 30 minutes with my feet on the wall doing breathing kriyas and visualizing and feeling light / heat / breath / force descend from my crown or head down to the point of subtle infestation at my heart. It helps when my concentration is directed precisely at where S is, and not the general vicinity of the heart muscle more broadly. 6:44am LOTS of pain in heart right now. Good. God DO THIS PLEASE! DO IT TODAY! My every twist or turn of my torso HURTS. GO FOR IT HEART! DO THIS GOD! I wish to say that S has not been so weak at night perhaps in months. With my feet up, her control beat of the heart was almost imperceptible. But it was there. When I laid down on my side again, S continued to be able to control my heart, but it was faint. There continued to be misfires, backfires, distortions in amrit nadi, but they were weaker. There were probably 50 instances last night of S trying to push energy into my front or back and, more troublingly, send tendrils of energy to my medulla. Attacks on the medulla are usually her sideways attempt to get me to take a Trazodone, a drug that disrupts Kundalini activity within me. I think S viewed forcing me to take a sleeping pill as her best option to cancel the Kundalini clampdown and eviction notice. Praise God, but S's energy spikes were weak and didn't stick. That is, the stimulation did not accumulate to the point that I could not sleep. (7:05am Wow! Major pain and clampdown in my heart. God, please clear me. Please do this!) But energetically, I was taut, aroused. I did not sleep easily, yet I did find sleep several times. Praise God. By 1am or so, the pain in my heart subsided considerably for a few hours, thereby enabling S to take greater control of my heart, with moderate force of beats. I had a dream of a girl who stood next to me as I laid in bed. She took off her underwear and then laid down like spoons next to me. I was going to make love with her, and as I awoke with that thought on my mind, my erection grew stiff and S stepped in with a flurry of strong heart beats. Her strength is greatest at the intersection between sleep and waking. The control of my heart beat continued with moderate force until I arose from bed at 5:50am. Right now, at 7:10am, I am surprised by the intensity of pain in my heart muscle. I/It/God most definitely wants this subtle lesion OUT. I am a bit tired and disoriented. I have a big day of online work ahead of me. Still, as groggy as I was, I awoke with more energy than usual, because my heart's immune response is diminishing the succubus's leaching behavior within me. Praise God.
8:23am. Obnoxious "breathing" persistent and growing in left ear. I cannot allow for S to win this battle with my heart! S is doing her best to overcome my resistance, and my right ear K sound is weakening. Ugh!
10:25am. During 90 minutes of meetings S's breathing was growing in strength. I laid down for 15 minutes at about 10:00am and did breathing exercises where as I exhaled I felt my breath touch the site of the subtle implant. I nailed it 5-6 times with the base of my spine lighting up with feeling and aiding the connection. I want to let God and my heart know that I know the exact location to exert the pressure upon. Immediately, the false heart beat in my left ear faltered and disappeared. Now, the positive Kundalini sound in my left ear is the strongest it has been in weeks, if not months. It's now not just a tiny whisper -- which would be better than a simple absence of S - but rather a shout from K. I have to keep this up!!
8:30pm. Major heart strain during hike. Muscle is attacking succubus. Greatest pain was when the pointed boney area of left scapula and sinoatrial node seemed to establish an energetic cord that cut through or pressured the implant location. It happened two hours into the hike as I ascended the last hill. I wasn't sure if it was going to harm my heart, cause an attack, what-have-you. It was a novel sensation for me. So I slowed down and tried to relax the area, just to be safe. I was okay. But now the pain is between the sinoatrial node and a different area of my upper back that also seems to be forming a line of energy to cut through through the implant. I still have the pressure and discordance in my ears -- that sound of an invasive presence on the other side of my tempanic membrane, that can be heard or felt whenever I scrunch my nose. How can it be released or dissolved if not through some great descent of Grace? Will my body apply enough etheric pressure to "pop" it out of me? While that is likely the direction I am heading, I want to be careful that I don't injure myself.
There was muted backfiring during the first 40 minutes of the hike, then silence, with mild heart racing when I would shake later on that quickly stopped each time. A LOT of pressure in my heart right now between scapula and sinoatrial node seeking to excise this unwanted conscious presence. God save me and help me please! Praise God!
2020.4.11. Saturday, 6:26am. Day 6. S controlled my heartbeat all night except for ten minutes. Force was weak, but persistent. Backfirings occurred routinely, especially as I laid down with feet up for 40 minutes concentrating on bringing energy to my chest and heart, during which time the force of beats dropped by half due to my efforts. Two nights ago on the hike in tandem with the heart muscle activity I felt my thyroid light up with awareness. It was a brief flare, but signaled increased positive activity. Then, last night, I felt a ring of energy light up around my thymus gland, with increased energy flow through the gland. This was preceded by a sense of energy stirring at my crown. Last night lying in bed I felt increased energy at my solar plexus and in front of my prostate. All of these signs I hope point to an increased ability to evict S. I am aging rapidly. I've asked God to expedite the matter because I don't know how much more time or energy I have for this fight. Still, the increased energy in me is weak relative to the force S can bring to bear on me. I hope that the intention on God's part is not merely to hold S in check, but to force her out. She is working overtime to hold her ground within me. I hope it is highly frustrating for her. Every chance she gets she is misfiring and showing utter disregard for my wellbeing. Heart pain dropped off considerably yesterday overall, with a corresponding rise in potency of S. This morning there has been only intermittent pain in heart to contain her, and very little associated kriya spasms in my back. I need more defensive force, from more areas of my body contributing to this effort.
2020.4.18. Summary: The night of Wednesday, April 8 was perhaps the weakest the succubus had ever been within me. This was because of three days of intensifying etheric immune system functioning that resulted in a painful, days long clampdown on her subtle presence in my heart. The pressure applied to the heart diminished all aspects of her functioning within me. I woke up with far more energy. I had a zest for my daily routines that I hadn't felt since before this whole thing started. But it was a test for her, too. Wednesday night, though it was the apex of pressure being applied to her while I slept, there persisted this barely discernible control of my heart beat. Her etheric presence was negligble, yet she maintained her control. It was barely sensible. As weak as she was, and as great was the pain and pressure applied to her unwanted presence, she hung on. It was an excellent performance on her part. Good on her.
For my part, going into Thursday, I did what I could to increase Kundalini's efforts within me. The whole affair climaxed toward the end of the hike that evening when the pain in my heart muscle as it connected to my left scapula peaked and formed a repelling cord of energy aimed at dislodging the succubus. As this feeling peaked, I hesitated. Don't I always, though? I didn't know if I would have a heart attack. I didn't know if I was damaging my heart. With pain like that, who knows what was going on? But it was etheric, Kundalini-related pain for the most part and I probably should have pushed the sensation forward until S snapped within me, if that could even be accomplished.
The following evening and day Kundalini tapered its efforts within, granting the succubus the space she needed to reclaim lost ground within me. Yes, Kundalini did bring more energy to my prostate, solar plexus, thymus and thyroid, but those were mere flickerings compared to the presence within them prior to the astral body's and subsequent succubus' invasions of me. Though I think a small shift has been made in my favor, God is still playing this out, goading the succubus to fortify her destructive activities within me. My eye sockets at my nose bridge have a blackness to them I have never seen before. I feel like my skull is being sucked dry. My mother is falling apart. She did rely on me for many things and my having to relocate to sort this demon possession out is something she neither anticipated nor understands. At 55 years of age, I really don't have the energy for this drama, yet here it is. As long as I stay mired with this subtle tormentor, I won't be free to fulfill many of my life's obligations. I continue to pay down debts owed to my mother, but a responsible son's duties involve far more than that.
The succubus sometimes now wraps herelf around my sinoatrial node. Perhaps this is to escape the muscular and etheric attention my heart places upon her at times. But I think it burns her as well. If there is too much succubus activity I will direct my attention to my heart, or I will contract the muscles of my back or brachial plexus, and my sinoatrial node will give out a shock, and the succubus will quiet down immediately. I have been able to sleep better than before this episode that started two weeks ago. Thirty minutes before bedtime, mild pain will spring up in my back, and there will be a small tension in my heart muscle, such that misfiring and force of beats will become very manageable. I am now at day 13 without drugs for sleep. My record is 40. I want to surpass that this time. But still, that is not good enough. I cannot return to my mother unless I am able to be rid of this subtle perstilence once and for all. I have no doubt that I will be overrun with her etheric energy were I to live within a few miles of her again. I can't say that I am free until I can move about this world without fear of her. And lastly, I am terrified of what she might do to my soul upon my death if she remains in a position of strength within me. I wish to be able to meet God 1:1 without psychic baggage. Preferably, this will happen while I am healthy and alive and not laying on my death bed.
Dear spiritual aspirant: consider well who you invite into your life!
Om namah shivaya!
Om Namah Shivaya!
From Wikipedia (*): "Om namah shivaya" means many things, all good, including "adoration to Lord Shiva", where Shiva is not really an individual God, but merely one aspect of ultimate reality, or Brahman. The phrase also means "universal consciousness is one". "This mantra is repeated verbally or mentally, drawing the mind in upon itself to Lord Shiva's infinite, all-pervasive presence." "This mantra is associated with qualities of prayer, divine-love, grace, truth, and blissfulness. When done correctly, it calms the mind and brings spiritual insight and knowledge. It also keeps the devotee close to Shiva and within His protective global fellowship. Traditionally, it is accepted to be a powerful healing mantra beneficial for all physical and mental ailments. Soulful recitation of this mantra brings peace to the heart and joy to the Ātman or soul. Many Hindu teachers consider that the recitation of these syllables is sound therapy for the body and nectar for the Ātman. The nature of the mantra is the calling upon the higher self; it is the calling upon Shiva."
Hen Roosting Analogous To Succubus' Subtle Implant?
In March 2020, the above hen began roosting on my outdoor freezer. A couple of times I walked up to the bird, grasped it in my hands, and flung it off the tiled patio. But then, after clucking for a few minutes, I would find it again on the freezer. When I am near her, hanging clothes on my laundry line, she is oblivious to me, intent on warming the egg beneath her. When I am in the mood to romanticize my ordeal, and my mind is not right, I will ask, "Isn't this persistent hen a lot like my succubus?" I have clearly attempted to throw her out of my life, but there she is again roosting in my personal space.
The astral body and succubus implants of the subtly empowered woman are indeed "roosting" in the male body. At least with the astral body, she is creating something. A second self to join with you forever. But with the negative implant, it is the opposite of creation. It is also a lifelong pairing, but it is one aimed at destruction. Whatever constitutes the inverse of life and hope, that is the succubus.
Usually, this wonderful chicken lays there for a few hours and then leaves with great fanfare, not to return for a day or two. But today, at this midafternoon hour, marks 24 hours, or a record for her since we became acquainted one month ago. She gives me about five eggs per week. She is so determined this time that I plan on leaving the egg on the freezer to see if she returns. I respect her mothering instinct, and her tenacity. If through the application of her love and warmth, and God's Grace, she wishes to turn this egg to a chick, then so be it.
The roosting over her egg began Saturday, April 18, at about noon. It is now Tuesday, April 21. It has been nearly three days and she has only taken a 30 minute break to stretch her legs. Her absorption in this regenerative task reminds me of some kind of yogic phenomenon. It is curious how she makes sure that her heart is placed directly over the egg. I do not doubt that her heart beat is critical to the awakening of a new consciousness within the yolk.
Peace be unto you my fowl sister!
April 28, 2020, or ten days into the hen's roosting activity over her sacred egg. She takes a 45 minute break every 48 hours. It's quite a feat of concentration. Her sense of service is unwavering. I commend this bird. I am lucky that my own succubus is not quite so one-pointed, though she certainly tries. There were major taps in my back and solar plexus last night that continued for the past eight hours today. It's been very hard to focus on my school work and other essential life sustaining activities. Succubi are a real bitch. But thank God for this hen. Some females know how to conduct themselves.
May 11 and 12, 2020. On day 21, like clockwork, the chick hatched. I had picked up the egg the day before to replace the towel, and I felt the dimmest of pecks. After three days in the box, the chick and hen were ready for release and are shown in the last two images clucking, chirping, and scratching as chickens are want to do. It was very cute to see the chick sleep and hide among the feathers of his/her mother. Given the black head feathers, it was hard to tell when a little beak poked out from somewhere among the feathers to check out this human being looming over them. I did feel a love connection of some sort between the roosting hen and me. There was interdependence and trust. This might sound odd, but I believe she bristled her feathers and raised her backside to me as a flirtatious gesture. With the rooster gone now, could I step in as the child's stepfather? :)
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More on this subject here.
NOTES / TO DO
How to center above text using new version of Dreamweaver.
How to get rid of or disable all the text boxes that appeared with the Dreamweaver2020 update.
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