Kundalini's Sublimation of Sexual Fluids -- An Ecstatic Dripping into the Thalamus
Details the ongoing, ceaseless process of kundalini's sublimation of sexual fluids shortly after the event of kundalini awakening at age 20.
Describes how mental concentration caused a sensation of suction and tingling in my testicles. Describes how this milking function of my endocrine glands corresponded with frequent sensations of dripping into the thalamus area at the brain's center.
Describes how these droplets were associated with a profound, unprecedented, and nearly continuous sensation of sexual bliss that throbbed and radiated outward from my brain's center.
Argues that the purpose of this kundalini-driven phenomenon of commingling sexual and cerebrospinal fluids was the spiritual adpatation of my mind and body.
Argues that the function of sexual orgasm in an awakened state is the amplification of subtle energies and the furthering of the body's capacity to conduct spirit.
Describes how, because of kundalini's compulsive, insatiable thirst for endocrine gland secretions, I began to call it "the vampire."
Argues that kundalini's ongoing drawing of vital energy up into my central nervous system carried a heavy price for the rest of my body. Argues that kundalini's feeding / strengthening of my central nervous system was associated with a loss of vitality in my skin, muscles, and bones.
November 26, 2002 -- Kundalini Awakening - Spiritual Signs And Symptoms
Within months of kundalini's awakening in October 1985, when I was twenty years of age, some unusual perceptions became commonplace for me.
I began to feel a marked and unprecedented connection between my testicles and the central, golf-ball sized area of my brain. Whenever I would concentrate deeply on my coursework there would be an uncomfortable sensation of tingling and suction on my testicles. The harder I studied, the more intense the suction sensation became. When under the pressure of three-hour examinations, the suction on my testicles became very distracting and mildly painful. I felt like a stranger among all the students in the examination rooms, besieged by this ongoing, intimate dilemma. I would grit my teeth and press my legs together, but the squeezing and the milking of my testicles would not abate.
This irritation of my genitals was more than compensated by a corresponding sensation of sexual bliss that I felt at the center of my brain. The sensation was unprecedented and highly pleasurable. Whenever I brought my attention to this area the feeling of pleasure would intensify. Like a leaky faucet, there was a perception of fluid dripping into the center of my brain. The dripping occurred within this one-and-a-half inch wide sphere at my brain's center. The release of each drop was accompanied by an intensification of the bliss.
The fuel for this bliss was drawn from my testicles. This was the kundalini process' mechanism for sublimating sexual fluids into intellectual energy; by this same process, my brain underwent a subtle adaptation by which to withstand and harmonize with this powerful energy current. It was a marked and obvious commingling of sexual and cerebrospinal fluids. This connection was apparent to me at all hours of the day. The rate of this dripping sensation ranged from perhaps ten drips per minute, to just a few per hour. It was marvelous to sit and feel this ongoing sensation of regenerative orgasm at the center of my brain. It was like being able to enjoy the feeling of sexual release without any of its accompanying karmic or physiological pitfalls. To be able to orgasm without losing vitality was indeed something of a miracle to me.
The sensation of pleasure during actual sexual orgasm far exceeded the pleasure of the little blisses dripping into my brain. Sexual orgasm, after kundalini's awakening, triggered a sensation of pleasure of an unprecedented intensity. The contractions in my sexual region -- my penis, testicles, and so forth -- were accompanied by similar contractions and loss of fluid from the center of my brain. The sensation of actual muscular, physiological contraction in the brain was identical to those contractions occurring in the sexual region. There would be five or six or more pulses in the brain that mirrored the pulsing contractions and release of fluid from the genitals. However, what was unusual was that the sensation of pleasure was strongest in the brain.
It was unmistakable that the kundalini process employed the physiological response of sexual orgasm as a means of furthering the subtle adaptation of my body. Orgasm became like a primer for this spiritual pump or mechanism. Each orgasm was like an explosion of energy in my brain and body that propelled kundalini's influence and its collected subtle secretions into increasingly deep recesses of my being. Sexual orgasm became directly linked to the amplification of subtle forces and sensitivities in my body. After kundalini's awakening, orgasm became an incitation -- an invocation -- to the direct opening of my body and mind to this ongoing subtle transformation. For the rest of my life, orgasm's role was one of encouragement and promotion of this process.
But it definitely wasn't the case that there were no downsides to sexual orgasm. There was always a price to pay, and I was frequently immoderate in this area. For a time after each orgasm I would feel a reversal, or at least a stagnation, in my flow of energy. Rather than an upward movement of energy entering the head, the sensation was one of my consciousness being weighted down and trapped in the area around my testicles. It was as if the direction of this sublimating pump had been thrown into reverse by the orgasm. Orgasm, as usual, was also associated with unwanted cravings for food and yet more sex or masturbation. If I were to have too many orgasms in a period of time -- say three or four in a given day -- there would be considerable pain in my testicles at the moment of contraction and fluid release. Fingers of energy would envelop my testicles, compelling them to release their contents and inner vitality. If my testicles were worn out and had little or no semen to share, the subtle tendrils became like claws and squeezed my balls in the most painful manner. In such circumstances, one might have had better luck squeezing water out of a rock. At these times of personal excess, kundalini gripped my testicles in the most forceful and violent manner.
This sensation of my testicles being gripped and mercilessly driven to produce vital fluids would carry on for hours or days after a reckless spate of sexual activity. Luckily, I was in my early twenties at the time, so I had plenty of extra energy for this. Also, my studies, which were very demanding, were made more painful after excessive sexual orgasms, with my testicles being yoked to their higher purpose with more severity than usual. To direct my energy intellectually at these times was like tacking directly into gale force winds. It took considerable effort and persistence for the upward movement of energy to become spontaneous and unforced once again.
After orgasm, I would be left with the feeling that I had a hole in my head. I developed a dark humor about this, saying that orgasm was akin to blasting a hole in my head or blowing my brains out. Frequently I would use phrases such as, "I am really drained." There were several layers of meaning to that statement; and I used it in a variety of contexts, not just sexual. Orgasm literally siphoned off my brain's contents. Orgasm would make my brain ache, as if I had sprained something. Especially, there would be feelings of emptiness and absence -- as if dark hole of ignorance, a crater of darkness, had sprung up within me. Though there was still much residual pleasure in my brain, there was nothing ennobling about it. It was a pleasure of intoxication and ignorance. The post-orgasmic high brought no great insights with it. There would be just lower chakra vibrations heaving at the brain's center.
Again, orgasm was associated with both a loss of fluid from the center of my brain, as well as a reversal of polarity in kundalini's spiritual circuit. For a while -- from a few hours to a few days -- the flow of energy and attention became outward and genital in orientation, rather than upward and cerebral.
Another drawback to the sublimating mechanism that the kundalini process employed was that it limited the amount of energy available to energize the rest of the body. Kundalini's drawing of vital energy up into my central nervous system carried a heavy price for the rest of my body. Often, I felt as if my skin, muscles, and bones were starved for subtle nourishment. But as there was only a finite amount of energy, vital fluids, hormones, what-have-you, that were available to this new process at work within me, kundalini had to make a decision as to which aspects of my being were fed first; to be sure, it was always the case that my central nervous system was first in line. Thus, in a gross, physical sense, there was a loss of vitality accompanying kundalini's awakening. The drawing of vital fluids from the sexual region was compulsory and frequent; and it took its toll on me both energetically and physically.
Shortly after its awakening, I began to call kundalini -- this spiritual mechanism -- the "vampire," as its thirst for my precious fluids was so great, and as my body would look corpse-like after having been sucked on and drained of its vitals. I would frequently have circles under my eyes, not so much from lack of sleep or the stress of coursework, but from the direct loss of seminal fluid to this vampire's unquenchable thirst to feed my central nervous system. My skin lost its luster, and I took on a more haggard appearance.
Previously I had been a very good athlete with a high rate of metabolism. I glowed in a physiological sense. My body's frequently drained appearance accompanying kundalini's movements within me was new and unexpected.
A vampire, or rather, the gestation of another mode of consciousness, dwelled within me. It drew sustenance from my testicles. Though it may have drawn vital fluids from other areas of my body, I did not feel it. It would then deliver its transformed, sublimated bounty to the center of my brain drip by drip, in a nearly continuous sensation of sexual pleasure.
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