Spiritual Experience - Talk Is Cheap - God Is Not A Concept, It's An Activity - Difficulty Describing My Adverse Reaction To Manmade EMF - Regarding God Consciousness, I Claim Ignorance


Why I Don't Discuss "God" With People

Describes my difficulty describing or sharing my various "spiritual" experiences with other people.

Argues that the only thing worth communicating about spiritual experience is a person's "presence." Argues that if you cannot feel a spiritual presence in another person -- or see it in their actions -- then there is nothing to talk about.

Describes how I no longer talk about "God" with anybody. Describes how I claim ignorance in the matter. Argues that it is pointless to talk about spirituality. Argues that "God" is not a concept, but rather an activity; that the Divine is not something you talk about -- it is something you do.

Describes the complicated and often impossible task of describing to others my adverse reaction to manmade electromagnetic fields.

Describes how consciousness of God and its associated sensitivity to electromagnetic field are best communicated via the flawed and hopelessly inadequate medium of written language.

Spiritual Commentary / Kundalini Awakening - Spiritual Signs And Symptoms - December 4, 1996


I am weary of talking to people about my adverse reaction to manmade EMF. My friend "J" (edit) asked me for the 5th time today, "Then why don't I feel it?"

Explaining myself to people is exasperating because to do so accurately entails a three hour emotionally charged monologue reenactment of the last ten years of my life. It is difficult (and punishment) for anyone to sit through such epic-length discourse. Even more burdensome is the fact that the series of events I relate -- and my interpretations of them -- challenge most people's assumptions about life and spirituality. It is too much for others to imbibe in one sitting, if they can do so at all. That's also the reason why I am writing all of this down. My story is just too intense and too complex to share in person.

Explaining myself also tends to isolate me. It puts me in a difficult position. It's as if I were standing on a pedestal with a big sign over me saying, "He Who Stands Here Has Had The Big Experience -- And You Haven't". I detest distinctions like this. We are all equal. We are all one -- we're all the same. Spiritually, we're all together. We all come from -- are present as -- and are going to -- the same place. We are That.

Inadvertently putting myself on a pedestal, consequently, serves no one, especially me, so I rarely touch upon the topic of "X's Fascinating Life Story of Spiritual Realization (Or Lack Thereof)" with others.

I've always intuited that the proof of who I am should not require intellectual elaboration. It should be tangible; it should be felt; it should be witnessed.

At those rare times that I do feel compelled to share orally some of the ordeal I have endured the last few years, I often only have the energy to recount a small portion or cross-section of my experiences and reflections. Taking one event or interpretation out of context, a person can usually find a seeming flaw or inconsistency in my overall thesis or point of view.

But when shared in its entirety, with all of my hundreds of experiences and countless interrelated reflections, the impact -- in my view -- is so overwhelmingly truthful and seamless that nobody can deny the sanity and logic of my experience, no matter how critical or unsympathetic they may be.

But since I am usually unwilling or unable to deliver on such impassioned and lengthy testimony, I am better off sharing my experience through writing. This way I can be more sure that I neither overlook important details nor insult a person's valuation of his or herself.

Again, a major problem in talking about my experiences and feelings is that I cannot help but place myself in a different, "superior" category of human being. At the very least, any discussions I have tend to assume that I have had certain "important experiences" that others have not. Talking this way only reinforces duality and separation. I hate getting into this mode while in close proximity to other people. If I possessed the required charisma and empathy to pull it off, talking about myself in this fashion would not be a problem: I would be coming from a place of such radical fulfillment and ebullient, overflow of energy that people in my presence would be lifted up and supported no matter what I said. I would be throwing down ladders wherever I stood. But as I am in a mode of spiritual abeyance, my recollections have a likelihood of demeaning and depressing others. The potential is great that what other people see is someone grandstanding -- someone spouting off who is barely better off than themselves. Arrogance, weariness, anger, and defensiveness in my present state are expressed too strongly. Socially and spiritually, this incongruence is absolutely counterproductive.

These reflections of mine, then, are among the few tangible remains of my aborted spiritual path. Choosing to communicate via writing, and keeping my person at a distance -- especially in my present state -- is a much more respectful, humane and objective transmission of knowledge.

In general, I hate talking about Spirit and my experiences with it. Our relationship to Spirit should be implicitly understood and felt. This world -- one's feet, career, social relations, and material circumstances -- should serve as both the foundation and the primary means of communicating spiritual awareness. God consciousness is not something other than what we are already doing. It should be communicated convincingly through mundane channels without a word of spiritual referent ever being spoken. Spirit transforms and exalts the mundane. It is the mundane. God consciousness is not something else. You should not have to talk about it in order to reveal it. It is right here, right now. The Divine is not something you talk about -- it is something you do.

For me to be talking about God as if it were something apart from what we are already experiencing is wrong. It imbalances me to do so. I get a headache and need time for recuperation if I get into the God mode of conversation.

If it weren't for these awful EMFs and, to a lesser extent, dental anesthetics, I would not be talking about God at all. I would be doing God. God is not a concept. It's not a verbal product. It's an activity.

Of course, we are all "doing" God all the time. What matters is whether or not one is conscious of this fact. Most people aren't; and the task before us is to elevate the vibration level -- the capacity for radical physiological and emotional health -- of this planet so that the bulk of humanity can access this profound awareness.

I am forcing myself to write because I feel caught midpoint in my development and this is the only way I know of to solicit the help that I need. Though I am whoring myself with all of this incomplete, unfulfilled blather about God and manmade electromagnetic radiation, I justify it in the name of providing physical and spiritual safety for myself. As well, since my conduction of manmade EMF places an extraordinary burden on my circulatory system, this site is my "writing on the wall" for future aspirants who find themselves in similar circumstances. So, my writing serves to highlight as many of the dangerous and sublime portions of the spiritual path as I've been able to determine.

My longstanding practice of self-reliance has been defeated. Alone, I am unable to defend myself against this pervasive EMF pollution. I have no means to retaliate. I want to wage war on EMFs. But without help from others, I will remain a victim. I have hope that I will someday be able to create a safe haven through the proceeds from my published writing and, perhaps, through the generous philanthropy of a few individuals.

This, as well, is a reflection of our broader shared circumstances. Whatever the dilemma, whatever the joy, we are all in this together. You can't be making $100 million per year in the U.S. and not share some of the responsibility from the thousands of children dying daily from malnutrition and disease in Africa and Southeast Asia. The disproportionate allocation of profits and resources are made possible through economic and literal gunpoint. There is not a problem in this world that we can solve alone. Our every act, for it to be successful, must be taken up and supported by a growing body of others.

So my pain is not just about me. Though I may not reach the goal of Self-realization -- let alone spiritual transfiguration -- that I had originally set for myself, I have now come to accept that the best I can do may be just to raise our society's awareness of the dangers posed by its abuse of electromagnetic energy.

This society enabled me to arrive at the place that I find myself. I merely took advantage of the many opportunities for personal empowerment offered me by my mother and our society as a whole. If our society is to be true to itself, then it needs to accept the burden of correcting this EMF problem.

My spiritual development quickly outpaced my ability to put experiences into words. But this is how I always intended it. Acquiring God consciousness was the overriding aim. Everything else was secondary. I had planned to do "the writing" after a transcendence of self -- a spiritual awareness -- was secured. Words are always limited anyway, reflecting perhaps only one percent of what really transpires in any given event. Nevertheless, I intended to write, flawed medium though it is. But then my body and this spiritual mechanism that had awakened in me got damaged. My creative aspirations -- my path -- was derailed. Ninety-five percent of my energy and resources had to be re-channeled toward basic physical and psychological survival. At the path's onset I had absolutely no idea how sensitive a spiritually transformed nervous system would be. I had no idea that I would be plagued by such a pervasive and taken-for-granted technology of our society.

And again -- which is an issue that I always return to -- manmade EMF disturbs my cognitive functioning. It is 7 p.m. and my brain and chest are inflamed. I feel nauseous. I will likely have difficulty sleeping tonight. My writing is making my condition worse. But I have to write. It is one of the few possible means that I have to attain financial and, thereby through the protection afforded by an expensive EMF enclosure, spiritual independence. If I can't produce some decent essays and a good autobiographical account of myself I will likely be a slave to EMFs and Hawaii's Department of Education for the next thirty years. My fate could even be worse -- God forbid -- if my degree of electrical sensitivity reaches some new threshold of intolerance.

If this development continues unrestrained I have little doubt that even the most minute manmade electromagnetic field disturbance -- like a cellular phone transmitter at a distance of 100 miles -- would be perceptible to me. (Currently, I can feel microwave towers from about 10 miles away. Though I am probably much more sensitive than that, it is impossible in modern times to get farther away from a transmitting source.) I would go insane if I were that sensitive right now. My nervous and endocrine systems would be fried to a crisp.

I hope to God that does not happen.

Right now I am just praying for some sleep.

Note from December 14, 2006

Twelve years after this subtle energy consciousness first erupted in me, I no longer know who I am. Having had to dampen my life force, and darken my emotions and aspirations, I feel like a two-dimensional version of the jubilant, confident, victorious being that I once was. I feel as though most of this site is written from the perspective of one who crouches in darkness. Sure, intuitions of great potentials still persist, but they are mostly latent or moribund. The many dreams that I have had, and that I am certain point to a greater reality that is possible for us, have not manifested in my case. So I might talk about these things, these dreams. But I do not walk my talk. I am like one of those countless rainforest worker ants laying their corpses over the stream so that their brethren may make it to the other shore.

A little bit more on what a waste of time "talk" can be. I had a girlfriend for a couple of years when I lived on the Big Island. I once spent several hours explaining to her about my sensitivities, their origin, and the various lifestyle changes that I've had to make in order to accomodate them. While she was sympathetic -- emotionally, at least -- on a cognitive and behavioral level she just never got it. Given the pervasiveness of EMF pollution, and the highly variable topography of ambient EMF levels based on transmitter locations every mile or two in every direction you go, it was impossible for her to appreciate my predicament. It was impossible for her to understand my fluctuating moods as a function of the changing locations/intensities of transmitters relative to my own position. Really, the only thing I could do, short of crawling into a hole, was to give the outward appearance of living a normal life, while keeping to myself whatever trauma and pain that arose on the cognitive, psychological, and circulatory levels. In other words, as in my professional life, I had to act as if all was well. And if all was not well, just slouch into my seat with a glum attitude without any reference to why I felt the way that I did.

The same goes for my own brother, mother, father, uncles and extended family. None of them get it. They invite me to come stay with them, despite cellular tower complexes situated a mile or less from their homes. Or they assume that I will be happy to attend a cultural event downtown despite the tripling in EMF levels that one will find there. Again, they just don't get it. So it's pointless to talk about it.

Being 41 years old, and some twelve years into this mess, I have pretty much given up trying to fully articulate my problem to others. It's too tiring, and no one understands anyway. I still occasionally tell people that I've got a problem with cell towers and manmade wireless communications, but I don't link those statements to questionable changes or attunements within my body. Our society doesn't even accept that the body is harmed by this stuff -- let alone that it presents a roadblock to spiritual realization. We need to have an understanding of EMF's basic physiological impacts before we can move to a more subtle understanding of the implications of this EMF phenomenon for people's cognitive and affective functioning.

I am in a new workplace, in K (edit), California. It is much better, EMF-wise, than P (edit), where I was last year. Last year my classroom was in direct line-of-sight of a celltower overlooking the Wal-Mart store less than a quarter of a mile away. It was terrible. What towers there are in K, are not as strong, and are mostly over a mile away now. So that's good. But I have told staff at my new school that the reason why I chose this area, apart from the land dispute I have in the desert, is its reduced EMF levels. I don't go on and on about this. I do my job. But if people want to know why I chose the backwater town of K, it's on account of its EMF levels. I have an 18 year old staff member who's already had an ovary and part of her thyroid removed due to cancer. That's young to be having endocrine problems. But there is a lot of pesticide drift in (this area - edit), and K is downwind from all of it. So people know that our air and water are poisoned by human inputs. It's not too far a stretch of the imagination to consider EMF a silent killer as well. But again, if I have headaches from the new wireless hub installed next to my friggin' desk to cover a nearby portable building, I don't whine about it much. I just do my job and get the hell out of there as soon as I can each day. And, in terms of articulation, and working calmly through problems, I plan on presenting the computer technician and his boss, who is the assistant superintendent of special education, with a check for $1800 to hardwire the portable next to me, and by so doing remove the need to have any wireless hub in my room. I will bring some scientific studies, succinct and unemotional summaries from advocacy groups, and my declaration of electrical sensitivity, and ask that they consider extending our ethernet cable network from my classroom to the building next door. But that conversation won't be about X's god consciousness. Hell no. It will be about reducing a proven toxin for the benefit of students and staff, with a generous offer to fund it by yours truly.

Comment from 2015.2.22.

Another decade has passed. NOTHING has changed. I am just slowing down, cognitively and physically. I am living in a desert area, helping my mother with three, and soon a fourth joint replacement surgery. I sure as hell hope I don't have such disabling arthritis. I don't want to be put under anesthesia, and I don't want foreign objects in me. EMF is every bit as much of a problem as it used to be for me. Due to last minute changes that I didn't have time to adjust for, I am now at a school that is quite near a strong cellular tower. I've put on weight and I've been aging more rapidly. Everything is more effortful for me. I can't see myself there more than another year or two. I have a few acres in a mountain area that are nicely protected from EMF, but I've had difficulty getting a good paying job within commuting distance from this parcel. And now I hear that AT&T wants to put a cell tower up in that rural area. Hopefully that will not happen soon, but the Beast is shiny and His attractiveness to the ignorant is overwhelming. I get odd looks from people when I tell them that I don't own a cell phone. For college graduates, I think it's about 1% that don't have one. Thank God my job doesn't yet require it. Were I to become a school administrator, I'd HAVE to use a cell phone multiple times per hour. Just one more reason to stay in the classroom.

I still don't talk about God with people. In fact, I barely even talk about politics or the clear poisoning of our air. People appear to be getting dumber. The power of social media and corporate news (i.e., programming) is almost monolithic. And within my own family, they are almost all -- to a person -- believers in the infallibiility of the State; or if there is a problem, they don't concern themselves with it because they have no hope in changing anything, so they choose not to think about anything that might disturb their short term pursuit of happiness. I've called my father a "moral coward" for his failure to acknowledge our government's use of false flag terror (despite my having given him boxes of books and video documentaries as evidence). He's been on Prozac, the brain eating fluoride-based happy pill for over ten years, so he's flatlined mentally. My brother, who works for the government as part of the security state apparatus, is even less open to criticizing the fascist trajectory of our politcal system. I basically called him a "fascist zombie," and our relationship has yet to recover from it. My job has gotten even more full of busy work and behavioral conditioning. It has become increasingly obvious that our educational system is more concerned with ensuring conformity and obedience to authority than critical thinking or creativity. So it's a desperate situation. Wages have been lagging inflation for the past 40 years. People are in survival mode. Due to the exporting of good jobs overseas, we have about 100 million people on welfare. Getting "free" money from the State encourages obedience to the State and the expectation that you should be rewarded for idleness. The ever expanding debt of the US government keeps this ponzi alive. Everyone is afraid of the constant government/corporate (they are one in the same) surveillance and being profiled as a "problem." Apparently, the Nazi-like Department of Homeland Security has assigned a "Threat Score" to every citizen in the US based on the radicalness of their views, their sphere of influence, and the likelihood that they'll challenge the federal government in any substantive way. So in this environment, it's hard to find a clear space where the divine can emerge unencumbered. If we are becoming less and less free on every level, that means that the human bodymind has less space and opportunity to support the divine. If left unchecked, humanity will descend to a rat- or roach-like condition. Which is what the elites want. I continue to maintain a web presence, slowly adding content. This particular essay was offline for seven years, and only today am I copying it from my old defunct website and transferring it to KCT. But I get perhaps less than 1% of the web traffic that I used to. This is because Google and the CIA/NSA are actively suppressing content they disapprove of. I get almost no referrals from web searches, whereas my old site, with identical content, used to get upwards of 500 hits a day from real keyword searches. I had several links from the Open Direcory Project, a human-based website indexer managed by volunteers who believed in a free internet. But now that Google owns it, I can't get any links there that might help with my search result rankings when people use Google or Yahoo! (which amounts to 98% of search traffic).

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