Staying True To Spiritual Commandments And Teachings - Ignoring Your Heart Leads To Your Becoming Lost On The Spiritual Path - Right Living And Superior Health Lead To An Intensification Of Experience And Are A Bulwark Against The Excesses Of Kundalini Awakening And Purification


Staying true to spiritual commandments while pursuing a career, or doing just about anything requiring some degree of "seriousness," is extremely challenging to the spiritual aspirant. How can seekers of enlightenment take seriously a job or career while meditating on certain spiritual teachings, such as the Buddha's statement: "The world is a burning house. Get out of it." One way to reduce your vocational burden is to mock or make light of the seriousness of the role you are required to play. Your job, at the end of the day, is a joke.

People in the workplace are often focused on bringing others down. Seeking to limit others is a common approach to social and professional obligations. Going out of your way to turn inward or support your physical, emotional, and physical needs in the workplace typically brings condemnation or, at the very least, bewilderment and an absence of explicit approval.

Mental fixations can be harmful to your developing spiritual potential. They are like a cloud that blocks the sun. If ever and whenever possible, spiritual aspirants must reduce those pursuits and expectations that cause for undue mental blockage.

Sometimes writing a letter to someone, rather than meeting them in person, is better able to communicate your intentions while at the same time safeguarding your emotional and energetic wellbeing.

The longer spiritual aspirants hold in abeyance important matters that they feel compelled to act upon, the greater the risk they run of compromising their spiritual intuition and judgment. They risk losing their ability to trust their spiritual voice and allow it to guide them. The longer you refuse to listen the more mute it becomes and your capacity to discern Spirit diminishes. You run the risk of becoming lost.

The spiritual aspirant should reveal Truth in their interactions with others. "Community" is the first place to look when seeking clues as to the degree of an aspirant's advancement upon his or her path. A liberating quality should predominate. People should feel energized and uplifted in the presence of someone progressing on the path. If you feel called upon to create more abstract testimony, such as via painting or writing, then your art should communicate the same inspirational and helpful tone.

It is imperative that you be as inner directed as possible. Following the dictates of others, while ignoring your own intuition and inner guidance, are missteps to be avoided to the maximum extent possible. Following your heart must be your first priority. Ignoring your heart leads to false consciousness, to a bodymind that has been hollowed out. You become fake and incapable of establishing deep, meaningful bonds with others. You become a vessel of mediocrity and compliance rather than liberation and universal consciousness.

It is imperative for spiritual aspirants to seek a condition of superior physical health. It is imperative, for one's spiritual intuition, that Spirit perceive that your body and mind are in spectacularly good condition and ripe for the transmission of ultimate knowledge. Extraordinary physical health is a precondition for an approach to God that is without fear or doubt. Physical, emotional, and energetic exuberance give spiritual aspirants the ground and foundation required for ultimate liberation. Consciousness needs to see that the groundwork is there, that you, by virtue of your good works and good luck, are fully prepared for the journey that grace/kundalini -- our higher power -- is set to embark you upon. Regular states of heightened physical wellbeing can be achieved through running and other aerobic activities. They can also be achieved through elevating your core temperature via hot tubs, saunas, and steam rooms. When I was 11 years old I began to play sports compulsively, often alone, for extended periods of time. I recommend access to a spa where you can do repetitions of hot tub, cold shower, sauna, cold shower, steam room, cold shower, until your entire being is abuzz with life and feeling, and you just want to collapse in a swoon of heightened energies coursing through you for a half an hour. For about four years, from 11 to 15, I did this routinely with my best friend. The heightened, buzzing sensation that courses through an elevated physical condition is similar to the kundalini manifestation later in one's life. If you haven't had extensive experience with profound physical wellbeing, you will be woefully ill prepared for kundalini arousal and its transformation of the body to become a vehicle for the most advanced stages of spiritual development.

There are many unusual perceptions and experiences that accompany kundalini arousal and development. At times there is an ongoing sensation of richness, lightness, and "butterflies" coming out of the area of your heart muscle. These are sensations that are absent prior to kundalini's awakening. One of the most important tenets in spiritual development is the need to avoid as many things that dissipate your energy as you can, for example: excess talking, improper diet, inadequate exercise, insufficient periods of rest throughout the day, mental fixations on negative subjects, and so forth. If you simply avoid these negative traps, there will be an accrual of personal energy that will translate -- in its own unique way -- into spiritual insight at the appropriate time.

There are school teachers doing extraordinary work in classes that nine out ten teachers would fail in. I do not respect these top-performing teachers because their workloads should be cut by two-thirds or three-fourths in order for someone less gifted and industrious to be successful. The efforts of these super teachers spare the educational system the need for self-reflection that would undoubtedly lead to reform. For every one of these super teachers, four others crash and burn and leave the field. That would not be the case if the expectations were not superhuman. Such super teachers often make deep personal sacrifices to make their school workplace a success. I believe their spiritual needs are sacrificed to an unacceptable degree in order for the system to maintain course. The most gifted among us must revolt against such unreasonable expectations that can be viewed, at the end of the day, as God-less.

As spiritual aspirants progress on the path more energy and insight accrues to them. This causes an overall intensification of being that makes your highs higher and lows lower. However, if you are on solid spiritual footing, there should be an open space at the center of all this from which you will not be unduly moved by the ferocity of these perceptions. At heart you will know that you are merely witnessing this phenomenal play of experience. The spiritual aspirant will know that his or her connection to the divine will never be in question and that an equanimity, at the deepest level, will be maintained throughout.

Political engagement is a questionable thing on the spiritual path. There are so many pitfalls and compromises that need to be made to meet the needs of such a diverse population as that of the United States. While existence still manifests, you will not find Truth, capital "T," in the political sphere. However, you will likely find small gains here and there that are worth working toward. Large financial interests hold sway in government and the needs for the populace to make their demands known are endless. These days it seems that progress is always one step forward and two steps back, despite our best efforts. The spiritual aspirant should have values that he or she seeks to see manifested in the political system, but there should be ways to make personal political advocacy more effective and less time consuming. What I believe politically in 2017, 23 years after this microcassette was recorded, is that both government and corporate size and power must be reduced tremendously, because with size and distance from the people it serves (or fleeces), come an inability to respond to average people in a local, sustainable, manageable, comprehensible, correctable way. As the radio show host Alex Jones taught me, corrupt, self-serving special interests always seek to take control over the machinery of government. The only way to mitigate this timeless truth is to make government smaller and for it to have less power over the people it governs (rather than serves). And to be consistent with this aim, corporations should be deprived of personhood and monopolies dissolved, as large corporate interests are no more trustworthy than large governmental ones. Laws regarding fraud and coercion in the marketplace should be robust and strictly enforced and serve as real deterrents to abuses of power. If a corporate entity is too large or complex to prosecute, then it should be broken into more manageable pieces. Derivatives and debt based currencies -- and other financial instruments that serve the interests of parasitic speculators rather than the common man -- should be made illegal. If we did this, then 90% of the calls to action I receive in the mail would no longer be necessary. Of this I am sure.

Humanity is built to perceive and to experience itself in a much broader framework. If we live and passionately and rightly, becoming conscious of this far reaching level of reality is inevitable. Every day our experiences become more intense until this larger framework that we call the Divine assumes an obviousness that rivals the sun over our heads.

Having made good choices in your life, and with some luck, you will begin to find that you feel good, very good, extremely good, and eventually unbearably good. You will find yourself filled with gratitude for your excellent food, your safe and supportive living conditions, your clean air and water, your ability to exercise freely and safely in beautiful natural environments, and your ability to earn an adequate income doing work that nourishes you. Your feelings of health and optimism will brim over and you will believe, at the core of your being, that your life can no longer contain you: that your life has become the foundation for your RELEASE.  

Tape Transcriptions - September 16-20, 1994 (Tape #17 Side A end, begin Side B)

 1994.9.16. Friday. (Tape #17 Side A, continued.)

September 16. The last couple of days I have been plagued with insecurity. When you think of Jesus' saying, "The Son of Man has nowhere to lie his head" and Buddha saying, "The world is a burning house. Get out of it." it's extremely hard to contemplate those deep philosophies and at the same time be held accountable to the most excruciating focus on a particular professional consciousness at work. Where everyone takes themselves so seriously -- and you are very much judged by your lack of humor and always doing things by the letter of the law. Following all these bullshit rules. That's what's respected. And so I find myself -- like when I went to speak to our vice-principal about our department's support for this one educational assistant who doesn't get along with this teacher who really is a power miser and abuses his staff. I felt very self-conscious. She made me feel that way. My level of "professionalism" doesn't match this guy's, even though I'm a much nicer and better person.

(pause; still hiking) My nurse takes herself so seriously. She has such a horrible, crucifixional attitude about her work. Whenever I try to lie down in there or relax, I really feel like I am at odds with these people, and it hurts a lot. It hurts a lot! All I'm trying to do is recoup some of my own personal energies that I have lost throughout the day. I'm in a situation where no one is trying to rebuild themselves. It's a constant outflowing of consciousness. There is nothing introspective or spiritually-oriented about it. In Christianity they talk about, "He among you who is without sin may cast the first stone." These people are constantly judging one another; and yet, they themselves are far from perfect. What this does is create a very hostile environment for the self, in which the self has an extremely difficult time having a positive self image and feeling good about oneself. It's horrible. I feel very weak and debilitated at times. The only way I feel I survive is by being so goddamn intelligent. That's it. But I don't know. I feel like my force is drying up a little bit. I worry about myself there. What I worry about is I don't want to look forward to getting out of the system. I want to be focused on the present. Whatever spiritual development I accrue, I don't want it based on any future expectation. It has to be grounded in what I've accomplished and founded for myself now.

(pause, hiking) Of course, I'm having a few more self-doubts about my decision to quit my masters program. But I really have to stay true! I should have fucking stayed true to my initial desire which was -- in a very deep realization -- to quit the motherfucking program a year-and-a-half ago. As soon as I was done with my student teaching, that was it, man, I'm out of there! Out of there! That's what I realized. Instead, I put myself through a lot -- a lot! -- of stress since then. All those times this summer where I limited my access to the divine out of expectation of turmoil amidst this program. All these attempts to limit and contract myself -- to make it easier to fit into that. Yet, you know, it's constantly looming up. You know what I'm going to do? I'm not going to talk to these people. I can't do that. I'm too goddamn vulnerable! I'm going to write them a letter saying, "This is it. Give me the professional diploma. I'm out of here." I cannot talk to them. Their consciousnesses revolve too strongly around this program -- this perspective. This holding of degrees over people's heads is disgusting. (sound of crickets) Disgusting.

I have really sold for a loss my self-respect and actually my ability to trust my own intuition, and to follow it. This vacillating between what you know you want and what you know you believe -- and doing exactly the opposite of it. You go too far in that direction and you really debilitate yourself. It's very unhealthy to have these mood swings of such extremes. Where you are victimized on the one hand, and victimized on the other. It's horrible. I just have to get out of it. Cut my losses. I mean, take the loss, rather than riding out this fucking bear market of an intellectual experience for the next five years -- until it goes belly up and I lose even more.

(hiking, heavy breathing) I've begun writing again in my "Thinking" document. The first time in months. I'm trying to redouble my conviction with this PD [Professional Diploma] and just get it, although I haven't yet written a letter to X [edit: Mary Jo]. What I wanted to say is a combination of my letting go of this intellectual contraction which is my masters project and the full moon coming on. I feel a great heaviness and growing sensuousness in my chest area. It's in the spontaneity -- it's in the resonance in my being. As I let go more I'll find more of my consciousness centered in my heart. As such, my mind will be free; and the stuff I create with my mind will be spontaneous, creative, and liberating. That's always the way I've interacted with people. I've always been kind of wild and unpredictable ... and liberating. But I want my writing to carry the same jolt of reality and so (heavy breathing) as I find myself increasingly opened in my heart center I think that everything else will become available to me. I want so much to produce this knowledge for the world, and it is way beyond the time that I should have been starting it.

Ever since that meeting with Sileo [edit] a couple of times, and then that meeting with Mary Jo [edit] in August, in both instances I wanted very much to get the PD [professional diploma], yet I gave into them. I didn't go towards the masters degree because of a change of heart at all -- my heart was definitely against it. It was just allowing them to dictate my actions. I felt rather helpless in front of them. Now I'll assert myself, although unfortunately in a negative way. But it will be positive, ultimately.

(later, low voice) I just had an intuition about something, about all those days and times when I would be with Konrad [edit] and we'd be at his tennis club and we'd get out of the hot tub -- after three rounds of steam room, cold shower, sauna, cold shower, hot tub, cold shower -- and we'd just lie down for a half-hour ... vegetating ... laying naked with towels over us on the wooden benches in the men's locker room. Just feeling the energy flow through us. And then, when I used to run a lot and then at night put my feet up, during high school, in my room in San Carlos, put my feet up and just feel buzzing all over, a buzzing feeling. And now when I lie down I put my feet up, I feel this energy cascading through me (birds chirping) that puts me into this sort of dream state. What I think is going to happen, eventually, is this heavy, alive energy... (End of Tape #17 Side A)

1994.9.16. Friday. (continued) (Beginning of Tape #17 Side B.)
This heavy, alive energy that I feel filtering in my mind and in my limbs -- especially in my mind --it's going to become radically conscious. (birds chirping) I was reading in Bubba Free John about that sleep state -- that deep sleep -- that at that level you become radically conscious. And beyond that. Where deeper levels of the brain become open to our conscious state.

1994.9.18. Sunday. 3:00 pm. (Tape #17 Side B, continued.)

(low voice, laying down) It's around three o'clock, Sunday, September 18th. My heart area feels like butterflies are in it. This rich substance is emanating from the center, slightly to the right of the center, I guess where my thymus gland is. It feels so rich and light. It's such a weird feeling. And here's my point, and has been all through this time of my development here. You don't really have to take many steps toward spiritual development, per se. What you just need to do is desist from draining yourself constantly, because that's what life does. All these social contracts and things that we have going on. We're constantly confusing our perspective, diluting our energy. All you have to do is look at where you're hurting yourself in your development and your accrual of energy, and you're going to see some spiritual development going on. You know, not talking as much, eating right, exercising, lying down and resting, thinking good thoughts. (futon bed frame creaking) You don't have to be gung-ho about God necessarily. What I mean is that spiritual development will happen in its own way if you just allow it to. And most people don't allow it to.

(later, hiking) Someone was telling me about this teacher last year. I met her. She had ten kids with emotional handicaps. This is at the intermediate school. She's a very organized, very gifted teacher. You have to be to handle ten EH kids and not have any behavior problems inside the class. You'd think I would respect her. But I don't. The kind of person that's needed for that situation is someone superhuman, overly organized, and goes beyond what's natural for the human to do. It's the blood of these people that keeps the system going, that keeps it from not appearing threadbare like it really is. A class like that should never exist. It should be broken up for the work of three or four teachers, let alone one. So in a way I don't respect her, because she is compromising her spirit -- her spiritual capacity -- in order to fulfill that job.

(later, still hiking) On this hike today I was also reflecting on how most of what I've been doing is about not doing what's wrong. Not breathing bad air. Not eating bad food. Not engaging in needless dialogue. It's a series of "nots." The orientation or the intuition from which all of that arises is spirit; but the destination is flexible and unique enough to handle everybody.

1994.9.20. Tuesday. (Tape #17 Side B, continued.)

I am noticing more that as my development continues there is an intensification of everything: my perceptions; my thoughts; things that bother me; things that make me happy. They all are just leading to a further intensification.

Another thing I wanted to say is.... It's going to be raining. (later) Anyway, it's still sprinkling, but, it's September 20th here, my problem is that I've been getting too many notices revolving around certain issues in Congress in which I am asked to write to not just my representatives, but the Majority Leader, the Minority Leader, various committee members, et cetera because certain bills that these people support -- that my groups support -- (heavy breathing) are being stalled in committee, you know, they are not being allowed to have a vote on the floor, and all these other things. It really exhausts me because I have a hard enough time just making my response known to one person*, and to be invested in the whole structure there really aggravates me, when I'd much rather operate through one person, so what I am going to do now is write a letter to my representative, perhaps summarizing my views on three or four issues each with its own paragraph, noting the bills I support and why I support them. Additionally, I will ask that he personally contact, for instance, Representative Waxman, who is holding HR 1709, The Dietary Supplement Education Act, or whatever it is, he's holding that in committee. He's going to kill it. I want my representative to approach him. So not only do I want my representative to be supportive of the bill, I want him to be an advocate for it, and help get it out of committee. (sigh) That made me feel better because instead of having to write eight letters, I can write just a couple to my representatives, and have them take it from there.

(continued hiking, heavy breathing) It's very interesting, all of this. Ideally, what I want in a democracy is for my voice to be known and for that to be that. I don't want these constant shenanigans [and application of political pressure], having to repeat myself like a broken record. It seems the workings of government are quite complex. I know very little about the inner workings of the Senate and the House and how things happen there.

(wind distortion; at the base of Manoa Falls, at night) I just wanted to say that as I've been hiking tonight I've been feeling a greater intensification of my experience. I'm not sure how it works because, really, what I felt before was that there was this sort of milestone of breaking down the door of your brain to open up to a wider panorama where you're being absorbed into a larger framework that we call the divine. I'm just wondering if it is possible to live increasingly passionately and deeply, until basically it's a little stepping stone into that. I'm going to work on that. We'll see. Although I am sure there will be still a somewhat revolutionary stage or experience to go through. I really feel that if you live passionately and rightly that this is inevitable. This will happen to you. We're built to perceive and to experience ourselves in a much broader framework, to be in contact with a much deeper, far reaching level of reality than we currently think possible.

As I was saying by the waterfall tonight, and then before that, I was just really feeling good, thinking that my life that I've chosen, it can't contain me. What I mean is, it has been the foundation for my release. My work situation has gotten more mellow. My hiking's wonderful. The food that I eat is wonderful. Where I live is safe. I have a good roommate. All these things are coming together to provide a place of departure for me, in a way.

I didn't really know if it's just a temporary mild euphoria from contemplating getting out of UH, because I'm very much at the threshold of my release from that. But I really think a lot of it has to do with that. It was very painful this past summer, intuiting very deep levels of reality, and trying to fit that into a situation of feeling that my mind is trapped. Because as my brother [edit] said, maybe once I get rid of this program, there'll be other things that I get upset about that will take its place. But I really do feel it's an unfolding of greater possibility. There will always be things that irritate me, but I don't think to the extent that this university program did. My mind is very much mine in my job. I don't have to sacrifice mentally for the completion of my work, that much. So my ajna chakra ought to feel pretty clear.







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