The Pledge - Jack Nicholson - Child Rapist - The Transcendental Quality Of Pre-Adolescent Girls - The Wrongness Of Force - The Projection And Misplacement Of Adult Sexuality - The Importance Of There Being A Strong Trustworthy Male In Every Girl's Life

Cultural Criticism - June 30, 2001

2001.6.30. Saturday.

I saw "The Pledge" last night. There was nothing special about it. I give it a B or a B+. It was about a cop who spends the first year of his retirement tracking down a serial rapist/murderer of 8-year-old blonde girls. The movie did a good job depicting the effects of domestic violence. It also did well portraying the devastation to a family when they learn that their little daughter has been murdered. You also felt sorry for the cops who had to tell the family. None of the local sheriffs wanted the stress of having to inform them.

But beyond that the movie was mostly unexceptional.

The murderer was a middle aged, single man who dotes on his mother, and is a lay preacher as well. That hit home. How many single guys are there in their 30's and 40's who love their mothers and have a thing for God? I would say that it's a large number. As well, I know the compelling nature of young, innocent, pre-adolescent girls. There is a transcendental quality about them that is typically lost as they mature. Their sexuality becomes something they manipulate and use. [Of course, the same can be said of men.] There is a spontaneity -- a Shakti-like quality -- to young girls that I believe all spiritual aspirants should emulate. But this emulation, if it is to be pure and self-sustaining, should not be a physical merging. These little girls are not operating in the karmic universe of adult sexuality. Their sexuality is far more elevated, free-floating, and universal than that. It is imperative that as a society we create a safe space for them to live in innocent worlds full of trust, friends, and love. For a man to think of young girls in any other way is to project his own debased sexuality onto them at a time when they’re not ready for it. Also, obsessing about young girls in a sexual manner reflects a diminishment of the man’s spiritual yearning: It is taking a desire for spiritual union, and reducing it to mere -- and worse, violent and aberrant -- sexuality.

I reflected how wrong rape is. Force is always wrong. You must entice your partner to come to you. You must never take. You must only accept what is given freely. Insight and love are given to you when you are deserving. You have to be worthy of such gifts: You have to be loving and patient, and full of yearning. You have to know to keep your distance until it the right time. Once force has entered the dynamic the aggressor has already lost what he/she seeks.

We all want love. But if your partner or friend does not give love in return -- and if you have done your best to be ardent and virtuous -- then you should move on to someone more responsive to you. You can’t force someone to do something. You can’t make someone honor what is most beautiful and essential in yourself. To remain in a relationship that demeans what you value most is a disservice to yourself -- and also to your partner. People have to understand -- by your absence, if necessary -- that being emotionally responsive in this life is the most important quality they can exhibit. If you consent to live with another’s constant neglect and meanness, he or she will never know your true value, and you will never be free to be yourself.

Trust is everything. The rapist in the movie was charismatic and able to win the confidence of every little girl he met. What charm he had! And what devilry, too. In the past year I have backed away from the intimacy I’ve established with many young girls at school. I had several beautiful, intelligent, inspired little girls who would run to me, jump up to me, hold me, in a way that neither of their parents experienced. It was exhilarating. Sometimes it was embarrassing. But it’s the truth that many parents don’t make that essential emotional connection with their children. Especially the fathers. I felt that I could steal all these little girls away. But I tire of challenging the parents so much. Why should I step in to become the emotional focus for a child? If I am not willing to raise them myself, isn’t it misleading for me to take such a central role in their lives? At present I am still good to them -- still charming -- but not quite so dramatic and physical. Many of the kids still love me, but not with the same urgency that they once did. It’s okay with me, for now. I can intensify thesw connections I make later on if I choose to.

In "The Pledge" the young girl tells her stepfather (the cop) of her secret rendezvous planned with the murderer the following day. The murderer had given her gifts and chocolates and had disclosed himself to her as being “The Wizard.” He told her that the Wizard -- who had become the girl’s close friend -- would never return to her if she told her parents about him. But the little girl loved her stepfather even more than the Wizard. The stepfather was a good man: patient, gentle, hard-working. And he loved the little girl. He read to her until she fell asleep every night. When she confided to him that the Wizard wanted to meet with her in a remote picnic area in the forest the following day, she told him under no circumstances was he to tell her mother. So the girl trusted the stepfather even more than she did her own mother. And the mother was a good mother. So, obviously, it is critical that there be a strong, trusted male in every girl’s life. Because of the stepfather’s being forewarned, and because he was a retired cop who hadn’t forgotten his pledge to the family of a slain 8-year old girl the year before that he would find the killer, he was able to set a trap to apprehend this so-called "Wizard."

Another scene that struck me was when the little girl’s mother is sobbing in her bedroom, with the door shut. She had just seen her daughter falling asleep against the shoulder of her stepfather, enraptured by the fairy tale -- I think it was "Thimblina" -- that he was reading to her. It was an idyllic picture of trust and love between old man and little girl. The mother cried. Her first husband was abusive, and it was clear he had never bonded with his family like this. After the little girl is put to bed, the stepfather, who at this point is just a caring friend giving the mother and daughter a place of safety away from an abusive ex-husband, walks in to console the mother. The mother turns to him, tears in her eyes. She is twenty years younger than him; and he is ragged and spent for his age. But he is a good man: You see that appraisal in her eyes. She kisses him -- she places his hand on her breast. She chooses him as her mate. They make love. It is not for who he is on the outside, but for who he is on the inside. He’s overweight, he drinks too much, and he is a chain smoker. But she overlooks these failings, focusing on other, more admirable qualities.

The mother’s gesture of love to him: while it touched me, it also saddened me. This old, spent man would not have been who she would choose in a more perfect world. She chose him because she was beaten down in a cruel, lousy, diminished world where it takes little to rise above the common lot.