Premature Ejaculation - Utter Loss Of Control - Unable To Prolong Enjoyment - Whole Body Enlightenment The Only Antidote To A Coagulation Of Feeling In The Groin Region - Energy/Sensation Should Flow Upward And Be Sublimated Through The Heart Chakra - Helpless Prisoner To My Baser Perceptions - Premature Ejaculation Is A Withdrawal From Spiritual Reality And An Alienation From Social Connectedness

Kundalini, Orgasm, Masturbation, And The Spiritual Function of Sexual Fluids - May 22, 2000


2000.5.22.  Monday, 2:30 p.m. 

I have had sex two times in the last few weeks.  Both times I came immediately upon putting my penis inside the woman.  I was plagued by a sense of utter loss of control -- of overwhelming feelings.  Sure, it felt great.  But I desperately wanted to prolong the enjoyment, not so much for me, but for her.  I told X [a friend] about it yesterday.  When I told him I had had sex, his first question was how long I had lasted.  I couldn't bear to tell him the truth: five seconds or less.  Rather I told him, "Less than five minutes" -- which is still pathetic, but not nearly so dishonorable as five seconds.  X is the only person I've told.  I swore him to secrecy because I may be killed for it, having bedded the wife of an insane police officer.  She's filed for divorce; she's been emotionally estranged from her husband for over a decade; and she's been subject to countless rapes and death threats.  For these reasons and more, I feel she has every right to make love with me, despite her still being technically married to him.  But in many people's eyes, our involvement would still be considered an affair -- and to some, punishable by death.  So I am wary.

More so than death, at present I am mostly concerned with premature ejaculation.  I am convinced that the only answer to the problem of premature ejaculation is whole body enlightenment.  So much feeling is concentrated in the genitals during lovemaking, that the only way for it to be held in check is for the feelings aroused in the rest of the body to be even more powerful.  For example, I have had feelings in my chest that were several orders of magnitude more powerful in intensity than those in my penis.  If I were to be able to permanently harbor such intense radiance in my brachial plexus and thymus gland, the flow of energy throughout my body would never coagulate in my groin and demand release there.  All the pleasure in lovemaking would flow upward and be grounded into my entire nervous and endocrine systems.  Unfortunately, as it is, genital stimulation overwhelms me, being more powerful than any other sensation in my body.  As artificial EMFs are a plague to me, I am not able to conduct the subtle radiance that is food to my soul.  Which leaves me with the grosser pleasures of sexual intercourse.  I am a helpless prisoner to my baser perceptions.  And, what is worse, my penis appears to be more sensitive than it was ten years ago.  So I have come to fear or even to abhor sex, as it represents my inability to transcend and sublimate my lower perceptions.  Every premature ejaculation represents to me a withdrawal from spiritual reality and an alienation from social connectedness.  I find it to be the defeat of love.




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