Jerry Weinstein's Kundalini Experience - Brow Chakra, Pranayama, Complications, Gastrointestinal Problems

Jerry's Kundalini Experience

My kundalini awakened in September, 1992 after doing several months of intense vipassana meditation practice. It seemed to shoot out of my brow chakra, and I've had constant movement and sensation at brow ever since, in addition to most of the other chakras. With the advice of a meditation teacher, I continued to use vipassana techniques for 6 months, which consisted of simply observing the energy with mindfulness and with as much equanimity as possible. During this initial period I had few problems and thought then that kundalini was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me.

My problems began after I did pranayama practices which had been given to me at a solo retreat I did with a sufi teacher, the practices including alternate nostril breathing with breath retention and visualizations. As a result of doing these practices for several weeks I developed a constant headache at brow and crown chakras that was particularly exacerbated by attempting to meditate or even focus in any way. For 1-1/2 yrs I looked for help with this problem without success. A supposedly famous chi kung master from China was in my city (Cincinnati) and I did a weekend workshop with him -- instead of helping it made the headaches much worse. I went to a high Tibetan lama, who told me that I would have to forget about being able to meditate for a long time. I took what he said seriously, but I was already headed to a retreat with a well known swami in the Kashmir Shaivism tradition.

I attended that retreat in August, 1994. In this tradition the swami's primary function is to act as an energy field for the student in the transmission of kundalini. To my amazement, when I sat with this swami, in his powerful energy, I was able to meditate without achiness in my head. I did 4 retreats with him over the next year. Although my headaches didn't go away, I felt my condition was improving and that I'd found my teacher.

As a direct result of the energy exchange between my swami and me at a retreat I attended in August, 1995 I became violently ill. I vomited and had nausea for several weeks; my blood pressure and pulse soared; I had vertigo so bad I couldn't drive a car; I could barely eat, at times going weeks without being able to do so, and after 3 months had lost 20% of my body weight. I had never been so sick in my life, and it actually took several weeks before I realized (after my doctor could find nothing medically wrong) that kundalini and the work with my swami had caused all this to happen. I had developed a loving and close relationship with him in a year's time, and I wrote to him, explaining what had happened and asked for his advice. He informed me through his secretary that I should work the problems out on my own. This was a blow to me, but I think inwardly I knew that it was the only way.

During the period extending from the date of the last contact with my swami (December, 1995) until March, 2001 my GI difficulties continued to gradually improve. I still had to eat a soft, bland diet, had to sleep semi-reclining to reduce bloating from gas and had to be otherwise very cautious, but overall my situation felt stable. There were many other problems. My sexual functioning has been affected from the very beginning, as is the case with many others going through kundalini. To this day, I experience orgasms more at my brow chakra than anywhere else. For many years sexual potency was markedly reduced, such that I was unable to have a full erection and could barely have an orgasm. Also the orgasm would produce a tired, headachy, hung over effect for days, so I've just forgotten about having a sexual relationship with a woman during this time.

That was January, 1996, and over 4 years have passed since then. It took a year for my stomach to even begin to feel normal again, and although it is better, I still have to be very careful. I have difficulty lying in a prone position for long without getting stomach gas and must sleep in a semi reclined position to minimize stomach bloating overnight. I can't immerse my stomach in a hot bath or a hot tub without my stomach being upset, must watch what I eat and avoid stress. Any strong energy flow I experience still upsets my stomach to this day. Unfortunately other problems have developed. What was previously a very mild low back problem has been severe since 1997. I cannot sit down for long without feeling achiness in my buttocks--I can no longer drive for more than 15 minutes and can't do anything that requires sitting for any period of time outside my home (where I'm able to sit on a heating pad or an ice pack). This has ended my social life and greatly restricted all activities. Diagnostic tests have been unclear, and from all I know it appears that the energy is instrumental in my back problems.

I've had a low back condition since 1997 which has made it difficult to remain seated for any period of time. This has severely restricted travel and being able to do anything socially. Although I'm not absolutely certain, I believe this is caused or at least exacerbated by the energy, which is known to cause low back pain. Diagnostic tests were ambiguous and doctors were unable to give a clear diagnosis. Because of the effects of kundalini on both sexual functioning and on my back, I've made no attempt to be in a relationship with a woman for many years.

Undergoing x-rays on my back led to a startling discovery in 1998: that I have a significant case of osteoporosis. Follow up tests revealed only one possible cause: low testosterone (testosterone level affects calcium absorption in men just like estrogen does). The low testosterone didn't surprise me at all, given that kundalini drastically reduced sexual potency. So I feel certain that kundalini caused me to develop osteoporosis. I have no known family history and no other risk factors for this disease, which is extremely uncommon in men my age. Not long ago, my sexual potency having pretty much returned, I tested normal for testosterone level. I haven't retested for osteoporosis to see if that has also improved.

Because of kundalini I have been unable to take nearly all medicines. This means I'm unable to take any of the drugs on the market for GI gas problems and must rely on mild antacids, which are woefully inadequate for my situation. A few years ago l had an infection from surgery to remove an ingrown toe-nail. What should have been a minor problem turned into a three month ordeal because I couldn't stay on anti-biotics. The inability to take anti-biotics makes me a very questionable surgery candidate, and I hope I never need it. I never had a problem taking medicine before, but now I can't. Doctors can't understand my condition or help me, so I just avoid them and pray I can get by without them. Although the alternative medical community is more understanding, their remedies don't help either. Obviously, this inability to get medical care places my health at great risk, especially as I get older.

In March, 2001 I received acupuncture from a western MD. I've already described the disastrous encounters l had with the Sufi teacher and my swami. In addition to those, I've visited countless other healers and energy workers and have either not been helped or have been harmed, so one might well ask why I decided to let this doctor give me acupuncture. He ran a large clinic and had a good reputation, but beyond that he made quite an impression on me. Unlike previous doctors, after hearing my full story, this doctor nodded his head and said, "It all makes perfect sense to me." He then launched into a discussion comparing Indian energy approaches to Chinese approaches and explained why he thought he could help me with acupuncture.

I was both relieved to find a doctor who didn't think I was crazy and impressed by his knowledge, so I scheduled a session. Before the session, remembering what had happened previously, I had recurring second thoughts about it, but I ultimately decided to just trust this doctor. However, it wasn't long after it began that I sensed I might be in trouble. I'd had acupuncture before (it had neither helped nor hurt), but not in as aggressive a manner as this. He was sticking needles in everyplace, including directly into my brow chakra. That night I had a bad headache and needed to go straight to bed. That didn't concern me that much. What did concern me was what followed.

Beginning with the very day after that acupuncture session over 20 months ago, I've had an absolutely horrendous problem with energy causing gas to flood my GI tract in a way that is much, much worse than before the acupuncture. I've been forced to follow a semi-liquid diet this entire time, able to eat only cream of wheat and liquidy, bland soups with toast for every meal. Because the gas is worse at night, I haven't been able to sleep in my bed but have been forced to sit up on the couch, waiting for the energy to stop bombarding my stomach with gas long enough to catch a couple hours of sleep here and there.

The most bizarre and pervasive effect of the acupuncture treatment has been hyper-sensitivity. Sensitivity to energy is fairly common among kundalini experiencers. Prior to the acupuncture it wasn't very pronounced with me. ln fact, I was unconcerned enough that in 2000, I allowed a group of Tibetan monks to use the upstairs of my 2-family home as their monastery. For the first four months they were there I could feel their energy at times, but it wasn't a problem. However, immediately after the acupuncture it became a huge problem. The problem was that the new hyper-sensitivity to the monks' energy would stir up my energy,which would in turn make the gas problem that much worse. I tried to work around it for several months (they were here only part time), leaving my home when they would arrive, hoping the situation would improve, because I dearly loved having the monks here. But the hyper-sensitivity only grew worse, so, sadly, I had to ask them to leave.

It has been a year since the monks left. I thought that with them gone, both the hyper-sensitivity and my GI symptoms would improve, but instead the opposite has happened. Whereas before I only reacted to the monks' energy, the hyper-sensitivity has continued to progress to the point where now it seems I react to nearly anyone's energy if I'm around them enough. It has forced me to increasingly isolate myself. I must avoid all public gatherings. I'm a partner in a movie theater in my neighborhood that shows foreign and independent films. It used to be the center of my life, but I have stopped going there after having adverse reactions while sitting in the theater. I have to dash in and out of the grocery store during off hours in order to avoid crowds of people and the resulting over-stimulation of my energy system. Worse, time spent with close friends and family members must be severely restricted -- in some cases even phone conversations have to be limited, as energy travels easily over the phone.

I've been fortunate in not having to worry about money during this time, unlike others I know whose education and employment opportunities were destroyed by kundalini. I've never married and was able to begin to withdraw from my law practice 6 years ago when my process got more intense. This has enabled me to devote myself full-time to taking care of myself and to designing and working in a Japanese garden that now covers my entire property. This has been my great passion, and I feel grateful to have been able to focus my love and creative energy on landscaping projects rather than worrying unduly about my process. It's been more difficult this year though. Because of the hyper-sensitivity I've been forced to leave my home and go elsewhere whenever a crew came to work here. Even if I stayed in my house, my system would react to anyone working outside in the garden.

Would my process have been essentially trouble free if it would have been left alone? I've been haunted by this question. It's much more difficult to accept suffering and loss when one believes it could have been avoided, so I've wanted believe that -- just possibly -- the above interventions, as much suffering as they've caused, may have also accelerated my process. I'll never know what might have been. I might have run into problems anyway, but clearly the above interventions have caused enormous suffering and have wrecked the quality of my life.

There are obvious lessons to be drawn from my experience: Kundalini energy is dangerous. lts activity is neither predictable nor controllable. It may be acting for our spiritual betterment, but it cannot be relied upon to show regard for our physical well being. Spiritual practices, therapies and techniques that are safe and helpful for others can be extremely perilous for one with active kundalini. The kundalini experiencer is usually the best judge of what's safe -- not a teacher or kundalini "expert" -- and caution must always be exercised. At nearly every stage I deferred to the "expertise" of someone else in overriding my own reservations, only to sorely regret it later.

My brow chakra continues to pulsate 24 hours a day. Simply pressing gently with a finger stimulates it. I've avoided any focused breathing or any type of spiritual practice for many years because it causes increased stimulation and immediate nausea. For a long time it has felt like either worse illness or the long awaited breakthrough may be only breaths away. It's the long anticipated breakthrough that keeps me going. Might I still look back some day and feel it was all worthwhile? I've been sustained by the notion that with kundalini, there's always hope, and I haven't lost hope. But, in view of what I have lost, it is hard for me to imagine that in the future I could ever look back and feel that this has been worthwhile.

I began on the spiritual path many years ago in quest of mystical experience. While this still appeals to me, I confess that now I crave what I have lost: normalcy -- to be able to eat a normal meal, to engage in a normal activity, to have a normal relationship, to be able to lie down in a bed and get a normal night's sleep. lt may be that all I have left is my story. I share it in the hope that it may benefit others.

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This page is a mirror of Jerry's Kundalini Experience at www.kundalini-support.com (with additional text from an earlier version at www.heartseva.com). PDF at Adi Shakti (8/2014).

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