The Oppressive Heat & Manmade Electromagnetic Radiation Of Coachella Valley - Intractable Brain Fog and Thwarted Productivity In Areas Of Greater EMF Exposure - Joshua Tree National Park A Comparative Oasis, Energetically, But Too Far Away To Be A Sustainable Option
Electrical Sensitivity - Personal Symptoms And Reflections - November 3, 2013
2013.11.3. Sunday, 5:30 a.m.
I don't like living here in Coachella Valley. First off, the summer heat is unbearable. Highs regularly 105º-110º, lows in the 80ºs. The air is heavy and lifeless: nothing like the light, breezy, sage and pine scented air of Juniper Hills in Antelope Valley.
But mostly my lack of contentment here is due to there being no pockets of reduced or negligible EMF. There is more money and people here, and when you have that, you have a demand for the most powerful handheld wireless services. People want to stream EXISTENCE digitally; they want it all there in zeros and ones. Coachella Valley has a few places that are better than others, but none of them are actually comfortable. Luckily school is among the better places, but even it is just one mile from a cell tower, and less than two miles from three or four more towers, including a very strong cellular and microwave-filled antennae array. Where I live is better than most places around here, but it is not nearly as benign an exposure as I had in Greenfield or on the Big Island. None of the local hikes are any good electromagnetically. All of them are in complete contact with various cellular providers. The La Quinta Cove hikes are miserable: an obnoxious 30-40 minute walk along flat sandy washes, then a climb that exposes you more and more to cellular radiation. The climb itself brings you nearer to the uber-array atop the Santa Rosa Mountains. I think it's called Toro Peak. Maybe Toro Peak is still five or six miles away, but psychologically, I abhor any activity that brings me with each step closer to such an irritant.
In previous locales where I had less exposure at home, my energy level would ALWAYS gather momentum, and I would I find myself spontaneously launched into vigorous physical exercise. That is, the longer I'd be putzing around the house, the more I'd have an uncontrollable happiness and urge for sustained physical, aerobic release.
But that hasn't been the case for the past 5 years. Enter today: I am lying in bed. It's 5:00 a.m. I feel pain and pressure throughout my brain, with nodes of particular discomfort at my pineal gland and hypothalamus. Yes, I can feel my endocrine glands whenever I place my attention on them, as odd as that may sound. There is a series of small but painful shocks to my heart, and a light, noxious tingling across the surface of my entire body, with a burning, irritating feeling that increases as it approaches my feet. There are bags under my eyes and I look weary. These are all physical symptoms, which are bad enough, but worse still is my emotional state. I feel exhausted and unhappy. I have NO DESIRE to do anything. In fact, it’s the OPPOSITE of craving or desire or joy. All I want, during these prolonged episodes, is the absence of consciousness -- the absence of feeling. I want to retreat to darkness and insentience. I don't want to be aware of ANYTHING. It's as if my consciousness itself has become poisoned. There have been many hundreds of times, feeling my nervous system so hot and troubled, that the only moment of relief I had was in the visualization of my ripping out of my body my spinal cord, brain, and periperal nervous system, leaving me with an insentient, but at least calm, shell.
Anyway, this sense of gloom and obstruction was made worse when, ten minutes after waking, I sat myself in front of the computer and opened up my EMF symptoms text file and began to record my observations. The very act of being upright caused my spine to become a lightning rod for additional energy to course through me. In order to write, and to not be overcome by brain fog, I had to hunch over and make my spine as much as possible into the shape of a "C". Brain fog is a horrible matter. It's like a silent death prowling about your being. It's a productivity killer. I become 1/2 or 1/4 as productive as I am in areas with less EMF. Thank God my special education paperwork -- though time consuming -- demands so little brain power. So at least I have little problem completing that on a regular basis. But my more creative and introspective efforts are nearly 100% thwarted. This particular journal entry is hardly challenging intellectually, so it doesn't risk much more energy buildup in me than any other menial task. But any attempt at something more complex or inspired leaves me in intractable brain fog. All I want to do in these circumstances is lie down, masturbate, or if I could, rip out my nervous system.
I haven't hiked Joshua Tree since June or so. The EMF is excellent there. My nervous system becomes calm, and it takes a day or two for my body to build up manmade EMF such that my feet begin to burn again. Maybe I will go there today. Too bad it's nearly 100 miles round trip, with all the time, money, and air pollution that such a journey requires.
Yes, the brain fog and general malaise I feel at my house has massively reduced my creativity. I'll go months now without producing web content; and if I do create something, it is some menial contribution such as uploading a jpeg. I am not capable of deep synthesis anymore, at least not from this location or with this exposure. So, when I look at all the microcassettes that await transcription, or I look at my bloated, puffy appearance, or contemplate my not being able return to my weight of 5-6 years ago, I have a great sense of loss and time wasted. Who knows when dementia, or some other malady, will set in? I should be at the height of my productivity NOW. I cannot afford this enormous waste of time. Really, I must avoid anymore frustration of energy. We're only on this planet a short time, and who's to say when that time will be up? You have to seize the day, EVERY day!
Every couple of days I feel pain in my heart that takes the form of swelling or electrical shocks.
It's not just my intellectual activity that suffers, but all activity: vacuuming, cleaning, organizing, reading, doing laundry, watching videos, running errands, hiking. When I feel electromagnetically burdened all I want to is lay down and turn off. My every goal in life, from the mundane to the most lofty, is upended and put on hold.
In the past week I have hiked Joshua Tree three times. Each time the silence, lack of people (I rarely see anyone there), comparatively clean air, and massively reduced ground-based wireless transmissions had a strong healing effect upon me. I felt more balanced. I was more consistent and resilient emotionally the following day at school. It's not that the exertion was anything to speak of; rather, it was my being finally being able to breathe. I feel constricted and impinged upon in areas of higher exposure. Energetically, I feel worse after hiking La Quinta Cove and Spitler Peak (up in the San Jacinto Mountains). Since I wouldn't start my hike till 4:30 pm or so, I would get to the half-way point (just an hour or so in) and it would be dark. I would walk off the trail a bit, headlamp on, and find a spot to lay down. Turning off the headlamp, I would just be looking up at the stars, with just a sliver of moon illuminating my surroundings. Not a sound. For a hundred yards around me I could hear the slightest brush rustling or crunch of earth. My heart, body, and mind, for the most part, could rest. I lied down for 20 minutes or so, feeling the air come down off the Cottonwood Mountains, with the temperature changing from 60º to 40º F in the two hour span I was there.
The only negative comment on the trail I can make is that the rainstorms of two months ago caused it to become grossly rutted in many areas, with one-foot or more deep gashes into it where the streams followed the road for some distance rather than merely crossing it. I wiped out along one of these ruts Friday night, brusing my right knee a bit. It was a hard, baked clay surface studded with small rocks that left bruises on my rear end, elbow, and knee. It doesn't help that headlamps aren't as good as handheld flash lights in terms of showing the relative depths of terrain a few feet in front of you. Everything in your field of vision has a washed out, uniform look to it that disguises variations that could lead to mishap. Despite the ouch factor, the location is well worth the hassle of accessing.
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