EMF Overload - Hiking Back From Pohue Bay In The Dark - Bags Under Eyes, A Sense Of Great Strain - Impossibility Of Energetic Coherence Amidst Electromagnetic Pollution - Irritated, Agitated - A Hot Horrible Feeling
Tape Transcriptions - Olympus Entry #18 - November 23, 2004
2004.11.23. Tuesday, 7:50 a.m. (Olympus recorder entry #18.) (3:13 length)
It’s Tuesday, November 23, 2004, 7:50 a.m. I’m in X [town name, edit], just about at work. I just had a couple of things to report from yesterday about EMF perceptions. Basically, I’ve had a great deal of difficulty feeling coherence. I felt a lot of energy in me yesterday. I had done a really nice hike the night before, hiking for about 40 minutes in the dark with moonlight above me, coming up from Pohue Bay. So I felt pretty charged up from that. And so there I was yesterday standing there, with rings under my eyes, after having felt sustained -- we’re talking hours -- a sustained overcharge throughout my body that made it impossible -- all capitals -- IMPOSSIBLE -- to cohere. There was no resonance. My being was not ... cohering. There was definitely a feeling of disconnect ... between all this energy in me, and who I was. I was not able to be at peace, or to communicate peace. I was agitated. I was irritable. I was hot. I had a hard time thinking.
I masturbated last night. I shouldn't have. You know, I felt so much energy in me and it had nowhere to go. I am destroying myself. I am looking bloated and heavy. I'm probably 196 pounds right now. But more than that, there is this gray, lifeless, bloated look to me. My joints are loose, in the sense that my ligaments aren't holding me together. My muscles are flaccid. I'm just in a real pathetic state right now. I have real serious bags under my eyes today.
The energy hasn't really abated. It's abated somewhat simply because I've defeated my own life processes, and therefore I am simply less conductive. I am less energetic, less energized, less charismatic ... less unconditionally happy. Certainly less so than I was ... you know ... years ago. I'm just in a bad state.
It's impossible to describe this feeling of just standing someplace and feeling absolutely unable to have your being -- your bodymind -- cohere in a peaceful, integral, focused manner. I simply couldn't do it. It was beyond me. It was a horrible feeling. Horrible.
[End entry #18.]
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