Herman Melville Died An Unknown - Reclusive, Bitter, And Poor - I Hope Such A Fate Does Not Await Me

Personal Minutiae - March 26, 1999


I just read that Herman Melville (Wikipedia, pdf) died almost an unknown, and that his greatest work, "Moby Dick," achieved little notice in his lifetime.  It wasn't until some seventy years after its publication that critics acclaimed it as one of the finest works to arise from American soil.  Too bad for Melville that he didn't make any money or get any fan mail for his great work during his lifetime.  If my path parallels Melville's -- reclusive, bitter, poor -- then I don't have much to look forward to.

Comment from Novmber 3, 2012   

Thirteen years later, my path hasn't changed much. My body and mind are, if not exhausted, then certainly numb and unattractive. There is a growing bitterness in me. The electromagnetic pollution is only one of many things that ail me. I look up at the skies and see long lines of manmade toxic haze. I can't eat out anywhere because genetically modified food is unlabeled and omnipresent. There is the growing autism population among boys, on account of their blood brain barrier being more permeable than girls', and hence more vulnerable to the mercury and other toxic inflammation causing ingredients in vaccines. And because I do a good job with this demanding population, my school assigns me as the case manager for all of them. While it might be good for temporary job security -- in that burgeoning numbers of damaged children guarantees my future employment -- we must realize that none of us are safe when devestation of this sort is occurring.

I've been teaching special education for 23 years now. That's three times longer than I had thought I'd be doing this. When I first embarked upon this quest, dropping out of a doctoral program at Princeton University and relocating to Hawaii in the spring of 1990, I figured I would be teaching 5 maybe 8 years until I could produce some works of fiction that would supplement a low-stress parttime job at a nearby healthfood store. The work was to be informed by spiritual insight and existential happiness of the highest order. But, out of the blue, this whole enmeshment with EMF became my sole consideration, and here I am 23 years later just treading water, putting to words what has now become a non-fictional account of pain and disappointment. If that is the genre you want, you may as well just read "The Diary of Anne Frank" or the many diaries out there written by victims of trauma of one sort or another. They'd be more to the point if you are seeking that perspective.

What I desire at present, still, is the building of a home in an EMF-reduced area. Inside I still intend to erect an EMF-enclosure of the type I investigated and slept within when I visited a manufacturing facility in 1997. I put most of my money in silver bullion in 2008, so I am waiting for a spike in silver's valuation before cashing in to buy or build this future home. Given the direction of the US economy, and the increasing impossibility of anyone's retiring (all part of a coordinated lowering of living standards worldwide), I will likely have to teach another 22 years, bringing my total years of special education taught to 45. I would have MUCH rather spent half of my career writing full time, as opposed to being plunged into the energetic black hole that is special education. But, as my current department head says, "Sometimes it just is what it is." :( In any event, I may end up reclusive and bitter, but I hope at least not entirely poor.





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