Sadness - Who Would Want To Read Yet Another Tale Of Pain And Disappointment? Is There Not Enough Of That In The World Already? The Difficulty Of Mental Activity Amidst A Strong Ambient EMF - Not Ready For A Publisher, Yet

Personal Minutiae - December 30, 1996 (c)

1996.12.30. (c)

It tortures me to write about a life that is so sad.  I am lashed to the mast at this awful computer.  I sit here, squeezing my buttocks together, stretching my legs, staring into the fluorescent screen.  I have to create something good out of this.  I need money to build an EMF-shielded shelter, so I have been writing to dozens of people asking for help.  I have always been so self-sufficient.  This new horrifying awareness took me completely by surprise -- and has forced me into the role of beggar.  My sadness could fill the Mariana Trench.  Who wants to read about a life that is so tragic and unfulfilled?  My hope is that if the writing is true, and from the heart, that it will find an audience.  I hope to God that I can stay balanced throughout this Herculean task.  This project is going to mean that I will be writing voluminously.  Since I am not able to exercise anymore, my consciousness will be exceptionally at-risk. Writing is so imbalancing, even in best of circumstances.  With the added burden of writing amidst a strong EMF presence, I am not at all sure that this endeavor will work out.  For a day I thought of submitting to a publisher a very incomplete selection of my writing in the hope of obtaining a cash advance.  But upon reflection, I do not feel comfortable doing this.  My travails need an extraordinary, thorough, accounting of themselves before they will appear plausible to another person.  I need to speed the development of my paltry body of work.  It needs to become huge soon.  I hope that I have the time and the sanity to do this. 


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