Pain In Veins & Arteries In Thighs, Buttocks, Biceps, Forearms, Chin, And Cheeks - Need That $20,000 EMF Attenuating Modular Room ASAP - Dream, Falling 7 Miles Beneath The Ocean Surface To Become Crushed And Spiritually Transformed By The Pressure - Burning Numerous Software And Music CDs - Planning A Trip To Kailua-Kona
Electrical Sensitivity, Human Health, And Environmental Illness - June 25, 1999
1999.6.25. Friday, 6:30 a.m.
I am taking the day off from teaching summer school. Barbara "M" will be my substitute. I love that lady. She is so strong, cool, and alternatively-minded.
I am happy to be at home.
I awoke at 5:15 a.m. to write down my EMF-related perceptions. I had pain in my veins and arteries in the following areas: thighs, buttocks, feet, biceps, forearms, chin, and cheeks. I had a swelling sensation throughout my brain accompanied by a discordant ringing in my ears. Emotionally, especially as compared to the relative calm of 3:00 a.m., there was a sense of depression and nausea. It was as if the increased EMFs had pounded or torn any sense of optimism or emotional freedom from me.
So instead of getting up I just lay in bed, feeling awful.
What the hell can I do, but just continue with this existence of constant pain and irritation? I suffer from a near total absence of social and scientific support for this kind of awareness. My consciousness amplifies EMFs. My body is supposed to do this. But what can I do about this unnatural external environment? Not much. If I had an extra $20,000 right now, most of my most pressing needs would fall into place: $12,000 for the RF enclosure and $8,000 to replace this synthetic carpeting with ceramic tile so as to provide a lasting, healthful foundation for the relatively permanent structure of the shielded modular room. I thought about the nearly $20,000 in credit line that X has co-signed for me. He's great to be helping me like that. But I would be hanging myself financially to charge such enormous purchases. I might do it anyway. We'll see what actions lay ahead of me at the intersection of desperation and credit access.
I had lots of dreams last night. One was of a woman who wanted to die by plunging herself to the bottom of a seven-mile-deep abyss in the ocean where, at the bottom, surrounded by darkness and intense pressure, she would be crushed, thereby achieving some desired state of being. The woman was the lead singer of the music group, International Velvet, whose CD, "Catatonia," I was listening to that evening, determining which tracks I wanted to copy before selling the disc. The woman showed me, by analogy, how a white rock, when dropped into a tall water glass, would be transformed into a shining, pink pearl -- something more divine and resplendent -- when it reached the bottom. In her demonstration, the rock plummeted to the bottom of the glass, where it was transformed into a luminous pink pearl.
Today I am going to be very busy. I am still at work on the computer from school that I brought home to do CD-ROM copying. I have copied over eighty educational software games so far, most from the Y [family] house. And there's another forty to go It's grueling work. The computer emits high EMFs, and its constant whirring sound and unnatural light-radiation are irritating, to say the least. I've put in over sixty hours on this project so far since last Friday. My plan is to copy all the CD-ROMs from school and from the collections of a couple of families in the area. Since most of the original games take up just a third or so of the storage space on a CD-ROM, in the copying process I am able to put three titles or so on each "CD-R," which stands for recordable CD. The first step in copying is to transfer the data from the original software onto the computer's hard disk. From the hard disk, I try to play the games from their copied format. I determine which games can play, and which ones cannot. The ones that cannot require their own self-titled CD-ROM in order to play. I have found that about one out of three games require it's own CD-ROM, while the other games play fine from the hard disk, or any copied format. One of the goals in the copying is to place two or three games on one copied CD-ROM. What I do is copy the game that requires a specifically titled CD-ROM onto a duplicate CD, but in the process, in order to maximally fill out the information storage space on the blank CD-R, I add two or more other game titles onto the same CD-R. By doing this, I am cutting down the number of CD-ROMs I own by two-thirds or more, while still housing an identical number of games. What has been tiring about this is that copying CDs is time consuming, and there are a lot of commands to enter into the computer. Plus, as I said, I don't like sitting three feet in front of this radiation hazard, feeling the thing glow and spew all over me. If it weren't a television-type monitor, but rather a more passive LCD one, I would be better off. But the end result is worth it. I have outfitted my room, the Even Start Preschool, and Barbara's kindergarten classroom all with over forty new software titles for the kids to play on. Compared to the three or four titles they used to be limited to, this is a gigantic leap forward in accessibility and choice.
Next week, when I finish the software copying, I will begin making copies of all my audio CDs. I intend to classify the music into several categories. I am not sure exactly what all the categories will be. The idea is to have one emotional disposition represented in each category. Right now, I have many audio CDs that have a mixture of several types of music, and I want to separate these categories out. One such category will be "love." Love music, according to my definition, will be slow, sensitive music, full of yearning, sadness, and compassion. Another category or genre will be "dance." There will be "classical" and "rock," too. "Rock" will have more pain, sarcasm, anger, and wit than "love," but will be generally both less sensitive and less honest in its manner of communication.
Today I am going to Costco to buy more CD-Rs for copying; HPM to discuss paint stains for the house; Wal-Mart to get materials for school; Long's to pick up developed film; a county office to get my driver's license renewed; a computer store to test the EMFs emitted by Apple's LCD monitor; the public library to request a book on EMFs from another island; a health food store for snacks; and Ho'okena Beach to relax when I am done. I may not make it through all the tasks I have planned. I may bail after just a few and head home.
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