The Human Body Is A Sail That Catches Spiritual Wind - Pushing This Process From A Mental Level Is Destablizing - Spiritual Blue Balls - Need To Make This Jump Soon - By Christmas? - Too Much Time Spent Hiking - No Time For Wheatgrass - Consciously Relaxing A Perceived Tightness At The Crown Of My Head
Kundalini Awakening - Spiritual Signs And Symptoms - December 12, 1995
1995.12.12. Tuesday. (Tape #50 continued)
I'm going up the switchbacks on the Kulio'o Ridge trail. (breathing heavily) I'm frustrated. My central nervous system's as clean as I can get it: I'm doing this hiking, I'm eating pretty well, living pretty well, and I'm just not getting the lift that I need. My system--if you consider the glands, the brachial nerve plexus, and etcetera a system--is like a sail that catches this spiritual wind. But my sail has some holes in it. So I am not able to get the speed I need. I feel like I am making an effort to run, but am but standing in place. I feel like a car that tries to accelerate rapidly and succeeds only in spinning its wheels. There is just not enough traction between God and me. I need a new body. Or, if you consider God as the car’s engine—the animating force—and to keep this metaphor consistent, I need new tires. Better yet, I’ve got a premium grade gasoline inside of me, but my engine is broken and can’t burn it.
Inside, at times, I am feeling increasingly frantic, like everything is going to explode or break down. I'm feeling more mellow right now, but, this franticness--or birth pangs if you will--is getting pretty strong. I guess that's a good sign. Something's got to give. I was feeling the sun on my cheeks and neck, and I am sure that the amount of feeling there is more than a normal nervous system would feel. But it's not that dramatic. I can't really say that it's amazing or anything. Just mildly pleasant. I didn't have time to lay down this afternoon, but I did anyway, for about ten minutes. I wasn't able to really rest, because I had to make sure I got out of there on time. But I got some feeling going. But I am really having to push this from a mental level...pushing this feeling of love, this thought of love--the thought of a heavy spiritual force entering me. I'm having to push this, initiate this from the point of view of my brain, rather than allowing it well up within me spontaneously. I feel frustrated. I've got major spiritual blue balls. I definitely feel that I need to find time to meditate appropriately, and definitively, and decisively in the next month or so, because I am starting to feel some pain starting to grow in my teeth. My teeth sometimes are painful even when I am not eating. At least one of my teeth. And it's only going to get worse if I continue to push myself physically several hours per day. I need to rest. But I need a spiritual breakthrough first. Maybe this Christmas break--who knows?--I'll be able to do what it takes, jump this gap. I just want to be done with it so that I can get on with my life. I want to stop this hellacious hiking habit. It's a waste of my gas and time. It's wonderful, but I want its purpose to come to an end. My seeds at home that I've had since the summer--I've got eight twenty-five-pound or fifty-pound sacks of sprouting seeds--they're starting to get mildew on them. And of course I don't have time to really deal with them when all of my free time is spent on this damned mountain. I'll have to chuck them if I don't start sprouting again soon.
(later) As I lay on my bed for a few minutes this afternoon, I had somewhat novel feelings. I felt that the center of my brain was tight, and as I loosened it I felt tightness above it. Then I loosened that area, and I felt tightness above it. And then I loosened that, repeating this process a few more times until I got to the crown of my head, where I felt it tight like a knot. Then I tried to relax it. The crown is like an aperture or something; when it's relaxed, things come flowing through. I have never felt such a conscious connection, of feeling these areas tight, and of being able to consciously release them.Comments
Notes
Electrical Sensitivity, Human Health, And Environmental Illness
Healthful Diet And Lifestyle, Environmental Toxins, And Multiple Chemical Sensitivities
Heart Chakra Opening - Signs And Symptoms
Kundalini Awakening - Spiritual Signs And Symptoms
Kundalini, Orgasm, Masturbation And The Spiritual Function Of Sexual Fluids
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